General Evie's Cancer

[Jim]

Well. Evie is an adult. Naturally it is up to her. Did not force the break on her. It was a request - she agreed. Anger problems were a major reason. However. She is unusually quiet - one physician thought she had selective mutism. So. Yes. Given the opportunity, she would say nothing to us for days. Often sent us messages through this forum. PM us even whilst we were in the same room! Was good for a time. However. She must outgrow it.

We have no problem with her coming back to the forum. Marvelous. Tremendous, how it has helped her. However. We do insist that she continue to speak with us off the forum from now on. Kathy and I have considered changing the way we interact with her online. Perhaps we have been part of the problem, by answering her posts here and so forth. Encouraging her to interact with us in that fashion. Distance from us whilst on here, boundaries if you will, may help her. Certainly we do not wish to lose the closeness we are now developing.

Jim.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Jim,

I feel that in todays society that we are ALL losing touch with people in general. We have become a world of technology. The personal aspect of daily life has been replaced with cam corder's, computers, video cams, telephones, and the like. We no longer have one on one conversations with a person. It's all done through technology. So I agree with your theory in part as to Evie wishing to communicate with you and Kathy via the forum....

No one sits down and handwrites letters anymore, it's all done through email. Personally I love email( I hate writing) We really don't spend time with our neighbors, we are "Talking" to someone in Japan.

Yes she is an adult, and you and Kathy really can't tell her what to do. I think that asking her to spend some time with you on a weekly basis may help her to be more open. You and Kathy are remarkable people, and Evie is lucky to have you. It will take time, and love, but I think she will be fine.

Wendy

 

[Linda]

Good luck and best wishes for Evie and all of you. I am going away to the remote area at the end of the week, and probably will not have an access to the Internet. So, I hope to see the posts of her feeling better when come back in two weeks! Cancer is a nasty enemy, but the modern science can fight it.

 

[Kathy]

Oh my yes Wendy, I am amazed at the escalation of technology present in our daily lives, even in the last 20 years! It is absolutely incredible. I agree, I would very much like to see my children and grandchildren using computers, mobiles, playing video games and such much less than they do. However, the technology has its good points as well. Concerning Evie, with the help of a mobile phone she can go for walks on our acreage without us worrying about her or having to accompany her. Through this forum we have met many people struggling with PTSD, and since we live rurally and quite remotely, that would never have been possible without the technology. And we communicate with our son who is deployed, with the touch of a button basically. I remember when Jim was deployed when we were first married, I would feel fortunate to receive a letter once monthly from him. I never knew what or how he was doing, and it was very difficult.

Evie's problem with communication is accentuated by the technology; however, I believe she would have the problem regardless. Jim and I had to chuckle when we had a power outtage a few weeks back, and Evie resorted to writing us old fashioned paper notes rather than speaking to us. :rolleyes: The behaviour continues whether she has access to the technology or not.

Linda, thank you for your wishes for Evie. I share your hope that she will be feeling better in 2 weeks. Do take care of yourself.

 

[Nicolette]

Evie is an adult.

Often sent us messages through this forum. PM us even whilst we were in the same room!

Kathy and I have considered changing the way we interact with her online. Perhaps we have been part of the problem, by answering her posts here and so forth. Encouraging her to interact with us in that fashion.

Jim, I apologise if my question inferred to Evie as a child as I totally understand and respect she is an adult. Bad choice of words I guess and was not my intention. Sorry.

Interacting online while in the same room is interesting as Anthony and I are often in the same room on computers and I sometime send him messages. Anthony discourages me in doing this saying we are in the same room and he would rather speak to me in person. I think what you are saying is a valid point irrespective of PTSD.

 

[Jim]

Ah please no worries Nicolette. If anyone is guilty of not thinking of Evie as an adult it is yours truly. I was speaking more to myself - trying to convince this tired old head she is not a little girl anymore. Easier said than done. ;-)

Jim.

 

[Kathy]

Evie has gone for another treatment and medical procedure today. Friends of ours accompanied her, as we are having our weekend in the city. It occurred to me, this is the first time since she was diagnosed with cancer, that Evie has gone to hospital without a family member present. I felt reluctant to let her go, and I am concerned about things going well today. Our friends are lovely people and I am certain she will do well with them, only I can't seem to help worrying. Evie is an adult as Jim says above, and at some point we need to stop being so overprotective. It may be good for her to be at the doctor's without us for once, perhaps an important step for her, in her independence. At least I am trying to tell myself that. :rolleyes:

 

[Damiea]

I don't think any parent ever stops thinking of their child as "their baby" it's natural and I do believe it's an instinct sort of. They are reasured to feel that love and feeling that protectivness lets them know they are safe. The trick is to figgure out how to let them test the waters of adulthood without us as parents freaking out LOL Ever wonder why you get grey hair when you get old?! LOL

 

[zoe]

Just my opinion -- I don't think we ever stop being over protective of those we love. We just let them grow and vent to our friends about how scared we are for them. Usually they do just fine. Sometimes we find they still need some assistance. As long as the direction is toward growth - it's progress. Maybe we need to get rid of the "over" word. There is nothing wrong with being concerned about someone you love as long as you still let them grow.

 

[Nicolette]

There is nothing wrong with being concerned about someone you love as long as you still let them grow.

I agree with you Zoe. Sometimes my mother frustrates me by treating me as a child and I have to step back and remind myself that is her way of caring...........

 

[Kathy]

Thank you ladies. I am definitely too much of a mother at times, or most of the time, if I'm honest. Nicolette, I am likely much as your mother unfortunately. :rolleyes: All my children get irritated with me at times. Zoe, I do appreciate your comment. I like to believe I am letting Evie grow, so perhaps my caring is not too overdone, as you say.

Unfortunately, we returned home from our trip early, due to Jacob getting into serious trouble. We are very disappointed in him, and uncertain what our further actions are to be, but they will be severe. We also returned to find Evie badly depressed. We knew she was getting down about things when we left, however she is quite worse now. The radiation therapy is starting to have its cummulative effect, in that she is more tired, and she has been experiencing nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, which we were hoping she didn't have to go through this time. However since they are radiating her abdomen, the doctor informed us that GI problems are inevitable.

She requires a great deal of rest, and will continue to become more tired as the treatments progress. I am certain feeling tired and ill much of the time does not improve her mood. Further, it is difficult to ascertain what part of her mood is the effects of the cancer treatment and what part is PTSD. However, Jim and I intend to not let the depression get any worse, regardless of its cause. We are pushing her, though trying to be gentle about it. We are insisting that she get up for meals, get dressed and spend some time with the family during the day, and some time outside as well. And Jim plans on continuing taking her for drives, daily if he can manage it. As a passenger naturally, as she is too ill to practice her driving right now.

An unhappy note as well, and no doubt also contributing to her depression, and to our worry... the results of Evie's bone marrow biopsy, received yesterday, were not good. She may need to begin chemotherapy once more as a result. Not certain yet however, more tests are required, but I will leave it at that until I have more details. In any event, we are not going to permit her to give up.

 

[Jim]

It is certainly disappointing news. However. As my wife says, we are not letting her give up so easily. Being positive in outlook helps in healing. I for one won't let Evie forget that.

Jim.