Sufferer Ex Police Officer Now Alone...

[Grace Hope]

Explodp,

Welcome to the site.
I must say what a great phrase " under the rug sweeper " realy is. I`ve been through quite a few things in my time and I found out the hard way how many of these people are around. When we find themselves in a tight spot eg: having a realy shit time with our PTSD or something, they are no where to be seen whether it is best mates, family or someone we shared a common cause with.
We are a diverse and friendly bunch here and some of us live in the Uk.
I hope you find what you need, give yourself a bit of time, don`t give yourself a hard time. Accept yourself, your life and your surroundings, then as you heal this is the time that things start to change.

God bless.
Clan Destany.

 

[ifonly]

Welcome xplodp, you've come to the right place. I am sorry you've experienced such shocking levels of horror over so many years. Did you receive a psyche debriefing after each event? Or at least, after some of them?

It's incredible how practised at under-the-rug-sweeping one can get with years of experience.

 

[ByTheSeas]

Lance, welcome to the forum. It took some time before I was prepared to seek out this kind of help. As you will see (and I have) we are not alone. From what you are describing you certainly sound as if you are suffering from PTSD. I would suggest you contact your doctor and be brutally honest about how you feel. One of the hardest parts is admitting your feelings and then telling others about it. With the right support and care it will get better but there is, sadly, no quick fix. Good luck on your journey

 

[ByTheSeas]

Welcome xplodp, you've come to the right place. I am sorry you've experienced such shocking levels of horror over so many years. Did you receive a psyche debriefing after each event? Or at least, after some of them?

It's incredible how practised at under-the-rug-sweeping one can get with years of experience.

ifonly, when I joined the police in 1980 there was no such thing as a debriefing or psych support. You were expected to be tough and just get on with it. Thankfully, in recent years that has changed and, during my last few years (as a supervisor) the support was there and I made sure it was available to my officers... although more recent events may have been triggers I think the damage was done in the earlier days of lifting rugs!

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Lance)))))

Welcome to the forum.

Many of the deaths I've seen were untreated mental illness.

Adding our bodies to the count would be pointless and tragic. I can't help anyone if I'm dead, too.

You have a rewarding, fulfilling life ahead of you that will bring you joys you can't even imagine now.

I hope you'll demand the help you deserve and get them.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi xplodp,

Welcome to the forum. You will find much support and help here.

I have not worked as a police officer or a medic, but I have 'helped' out at a couple of crash sites (was on the scene when it happened) and aided the police in a couple of investigations (including child molestation cases). Both the medics and a detective took an interest in my 'help' and tried to recruit me after.

I was professional at the time, but went into shock after and lost my detailed memory. I declined the offers to head down that career path because of this psychological response (what a shame). The memories came back with my PTSD symptoms in very clear detail though and it was not a nice experience. Although I try to take some solice in the idea that I was doing my best to 'help'.

I hope that you can take some time to remember the positive stories, in your history, I am sure there are many. Thank you for your service to the community, it has come at a great cost you personally and I am glad you are getting the help you need now. Things will be much brighter for you soon.

Hi Lance,

'Bloom' is one of the smartest people I know and you should take her advice. I agree with her whole heartily.

Don't be afraid of asking for help, PTSD symptoms are treatable and life improves with treatment. I personally think that improving my quality of life is the priority, and to hell with anyone who tries to stop me getting the help I need. They can literally shove their stigma right where it belongs!

And, guess what, my quality of life has improved 110% with treatment and is still improving. By asking for help and getting treatment, I am nearly back to the old me, and even an improved 'me' in some respects. A couple of weeks ago, I walked out the front door and said to myself, 'hello world I'm back'! Nice feeling :)

Again, don't be afraid of going to your doctor and asking for their help. We want you to get the help you need so that you can be well.

 

[BloomInWinter]

'Bloom' is one of the smartest people I know and you should take her advice. I agree with her whole heartily.

Awwww....*shucks, now! Thanks for the compliment! (((((PTSD Sufferer))))))...

[refraining from listing all the many proofs going through my head that I could use to tell you why I'm NOT smart...]

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Damn that 'negative internal self talk'!!!!

 

[LoyalOne]

(((lance)))

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Hey there. Im sorry you are dealing with so much! I am recieveing treatment with EMDR right now, so maybe you can guide me with your experiences!

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Ps. Many police officers do not get help for PTSD, so good for you!

 

[Grace Hope]

When I got PTST about a decade ago the only book that I could find was " Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - The invisable injury ". This was written by David Kinchin an Ex police Officer from the Thames Valley Police. UK.
This book has been my best friend ever since I got it. It is easy to read, is very informative, there are case histories and best of all it is written by a person who has PTSD and knows what it is like to live with it.
I don`t know if it is on the shelves of every library in every town but it is worth a look to see if it suits, especially if you are or have been an emergency worker.
The version that I have was written in 1998 and has probibly been updated by now.The number in the book is ISBN9529121. I hope this helps.

Clan Destany