Relationship Ex told me yesterday she has CPTSD and I’m abusing her.

Friday

Moderator
Bro, trust me idek. I’m a pretty chill dude I don’t take things too personally I realize everyone has their demons tbh. I usually let things go because I realize shit comes out in pain and sadness. Not that it’s acceptable but like eh it’s not the biggest deal to me. That’s on her. It just sucks where I put in so much effort to understand her and give her benefit of the doubt, I didn’t really receive the same. And I didn’t even do anything remotely close to that, and I’d still get accused of shit. Idk I’m a softie for others but I gotta start having more self respect I guess!
I’m going to be blunt.

When someone attempts to beat the shit out of you, and then accuses YOU of abuse?

Don’t stick your dick in crazy.

Not unless you want to end up with domestic violence charges, arrests, restraining orders, the whole 9… totally f*cking up the rest of your life. Regardless of why she is the way she is, she’s not trustworthy. And you have been warned that she is the kind of person who will come at you, and blame you for what she did / accuse you of doing what you didn’t do, but she did. Because that’s what she’s already done. And in the first 6 months.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
It sounds like you’re mistaking drama and toxicity for passion… it’s not.

If she asked you to stay away, stay away. Do not contact her at all or any of her people. Block her number. Just because she contacts you it doesn’t mean she is in love and wants you. She’s just coming back for a drama-fix. If she wanted you she’d be working on fixing herself so she could function in a healthy relationship.

*She* is physically abusive. There is no excuse for that. I don’t care if she has trauma and PTSD, or even if you really pissed her off. People who think it’s OK to lay hands on somebody are *always* going to find a way to justify laying hands on somebody. She is just blameshifting… making you out to be abusive to justify acting like she does. Liking pics on Instagram isn’t abusive. Watching porn isn’t abusive. Having old love letters isn’t abusive. Defending yourself verbally isn’t abusive. All that may not be the most respectful behavior, but it isn’t abusive.

Run like hell… and this is coming from a long term supporter.

PTSD relationships are very very hard, and that is when your partner is actively seeking help and cognizant of their bad behaviors.

This chick is going to end up playing the victim, calling the cops on you, and/or getting restraining orders. She’s going to ruin your education, career, or sanity. Block her number and move on. Consider it a life lesson. You only dated 6 months. There are women out there with no drama.
 

NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
At 6 months this should be the honeymoon period. This is an incredibly toxic relationship. She’s emotionally and physically abusive and now she has a therapist to feed her new buzzwords to abuse you with. This is the reddest of red flags 🚩. Its probably only a few weeks until you hear her say “reactive abuse”.

Run like hell. Block her. You know when someone is in an abusive relationship and you think why are they still with this person, why do they put up with this. It doesn’t happen overnight and I’d say you’re on about 5th rung of the ladder. I’m not joking. This is serious. What you do next will either be a near miss or an abusive relationship.

The crazy making feeling the leaving you hanging, blaming you for her abusing you. It’s all precursors to domestic violence. These relationships are incredibly hard to leave. Being a victim doesn’t ever excuse abusive behaviour.

I have to ask what is your therapist doing? Or do you not tell them the full story. Cause they really should be working with you to try to get you the heck out of dodge.
 
M

Migdid777

I’m going to be blunt.

When someone attempts to beat the shit out of you, and then accuses YOU of abuse?

Don’t stick your dick in crazy.

Not unless you want to end up with domestic violence charges, arrests, restraining orders, the whole 9… totally f*cking up the rest of your life. Regardless of why she is the way she is, she’s not trustworthy. And you have been warned that she is the kind of person who will come at you, and blame you for what she did / accuse you of doing what you didn’t do, but she did. Because that’s what she’s already done. And in the first 6 months.
Not being trustworthy is spot on. Despite everything good I see in her, you are right she hasn’t proved to be a trustworthy partner that I can feel secure with.

sound advice, migdid. may i offer it as advice tailor-made, just for you?

can i also offer a theory that "whatever it is" could have been a not-so-healthy distraction from the unexpected challenges of independence. it looks so easy in a kid's eye view that we often find ourselves staggering emotionally when we encounter the harsh realities of it. not-so-healthy distractions are not uncommon. just theorating. . .

continued support while you find your way through.
Unexpected challenges of independence is a great way to frame the issues I’m facing, thank you. Yeah this relationship has brought up a lot of clarity in unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I’m an immigrant male where I often find myself confused in life situations with not many relatable role models other than direct peers.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
I’m an immigrant male where I often find myself confused in life situations with not many relatable role models other than direct peers.
I understand that 100%. Not an immigrate but grew up with severe torture and unhealthy relationships and didn't know how to have a healthy one. Still kinda don't but I'm learning by watching. Like, how healthy people with healthy relationships treat each other, deal with conflict, and such. I found some families on video that I've learned from. Like family vloggers on youtube. Though I don't dig too far into that as many of them exploit their kids for views and money but there are a few good ones that don't but show their relationships and how they deal with conflict. It's been a topic in therapy and my therapist will talk about he and his wife and how they deal with conflict and how they treat each other. I'll even people watch from afar and how people treat each other in public. I'm a person that observes everything and hears everything and take a mental notes of it. The pastor I'm meeting with as well will talk about his marriage and how he and his wife treat other and deals with conflict. There are many sources of this for me. In the supporter area of this site is also a great source of that.

I'm glad you are seeing this for what it is. Unhealthy at best but honestly, abusive. And I'm glad you are seeing you don't deserve that and shouldn't put up with it. Even not feeling secure is a great first step in learning that this is no where near healthy! I'm so glad you are learning to draw that line for yourself. Keep posting, keep asking questions, and keep drawing parallels. I think this is a great first step!
 
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