Hello! Hrm, Where to start?
Well I've just been back to exercising more or less after being sexually assaulted throughout my short life-time. I always thought my weight or the way I looked caused these things to happen to me. Slowly I'm starting to think it wouldn't of matter if I was fat, fatter, underweight, healthy, small, short, tall, dainty or wide framed. Which is a relief of course my brain still finds ways to tell me otherwise with my low self esteem or "hatred" I suppose you would call it.
I consider this a success or achievement for the way I think, it's helped me lose 20kg I still have a little more to go but I feel more comfortable within my self knowing that I'm healthier psychically and to a degree mentally about what has happened.
The only thing I'm slightly annoyed with is letting these two individuals ruin some aspect of me and it's taken me a couple of years to realize that I have the power to reject their hold over me in a mental sense after so many years. Do I think I was at fault? well when it happened yes, But I've come to learn that most people will blame themselves for sexual assault to process what has happened to them.
I didn't deserve what happened to me, I can gain my power back now in my early adulthood life and that comfort is one I haven't felt in years. So I'm slightly proud of myself but finding it difficult to come to grips with being more feminine as I'm taking this one step at a time.
My exercise goal is to train for Touch Mudder in 2015 and complete it
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Kind Regards
Well I've just been back to exercising more or less after being sexually assaulted throughout my short life-time. I always thought my weight or the way I looked caused these things to happen to me. Slowly I'm starting to think it wouldn't of matter if I was fat, fatter, underweight, healthy, small, short, tall, dainty or wide framed. Which is a relief of course my brain still finds ways to tell me otherwise with my low self esteem or "hatred" I suppose you would call it.
I consider this a success or achievement for the way I think, it's helped me lose 20kg I still have a little more to go but I feel more comfortable within my self knowing that I'm healthier psychically and to a degree mentally about what has happened.
The only thing I'm slightly annoyed with is letting these two individuals ruin some aspect of me and it's taken me a couple of years to realize that I have the power to reject their hold over me in a mental sense after so many years. Do I think I was at fault? well when it happened yes, But I've come to learn that most people will blame themselves for sexual assault to process what has happened to them.
I didn't deserve what happened to me, I can gain my power back now in my early adulthood life and that comfort is one I haven't felt in years. So I'm slightly proud of myself but finding it difficult to come to grips with being more feminine as I'm taking this one step at a time.
My exercise goal is to train for Touch Mudder in 2015 and complete it
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Kind Regards
