Exhausted, Again

[cupfish]

Does anyone else crash from exhaustion periodically? I work so hard, for income, for approval, for my future. Last week I overdid it and since Friday have been zero energy. I force myself to rally and keep going but inside all I want is to climb in bed. I had a big trigger last week too, which drains the tanks.

Do others have this cycle of go go go/give give give and then crash??

 

[ladee]

I used to. Just like you. Can't tell you when, but one day it occurred to me, I was trying to catch up on life missed. Nothing is going to bring that back and what I was doing to my body and mind was no longer worth being driven. Took time, but I learned to say NO, uncomfortable at first, very uncomfortable.. but just kept working thru the feelings. I realized I had nothing to prove to anyone, and stopped that working until I dropped.... It's a process, like the rest of the stuff we have to do.... Sending hugs to you to be nicer to yourself, in the end, you're all you've got.... Sending energy to you to learn how to stop and say no.....

 

[cupfish]

This is similar to what my husband says. Be kind to yourself. That is so hard when your brain is always firing ***PANIC*** chemicals. How did you wind down -- with professional colleagues, friends, family, all?

 

[ladee]

I chose something small to start with. Making a conscious choice to catch myself going 100 mph, and slow down, just slow down. For instance, getting ready for work, choosing my clothes for the next day, having things set out , doing the morning routine... and catch myself..slow down. Or chose something along that line... something you usually do in the morning that will set the pace for the rest of the day... For me, it was more being conscious of when I was doing it... slow down.... repeat....

I found that how I started my day set the pace on how I was going to be all day.. it takes conscious practice...I kept a 'slow down' journal during that time... teaching myself when I needed to pay attention, and to also be aware of progress... some of us are just wired to be driven.

So pick something small, manageable, and practice...catch yourself, slow down, repeat.... you will soon find that there are other things you are automatically slowing down with. Be flexible, don't beat yourself up... be proud that you have recognized this as something that is not working for you anymore.. and don't be upset with yourself if you find that you have gone three whole days at full tilt boogie.... just start again where you are.

Don't know if I made myself clear, but first and foremost, be kind to yourself as you are learning a new way to do things that will help in the long run.... hope some of this helped.... sending you hugs, reminding you to be good to yourself !!!

 

[cupfish]

Okay I can get behind that advice. If you slow down you can't do everything. It would feel like vacation all the time. It's like living intentionally -- with deliberation and purpose. Do you have the condition where your body chemicals for fight/flight fire constantly? Mine do. The circumstances of my life don't match my brain's reactions.

 

[ladee]

I'm sure it did in the past. Constant vigilance to everything within sight and any movement. But I feel, for the most part, even when very depressed, I live within the moment to the best of my ability. It took a long time to get here. That doesn't mean that I don't catch myself ruminating about possibles of harm, real or imagined. I have learned how to go thru the motions even when depressed.. other times I have to simply be alone for as long as it takes. I'm sorry to not have a more definitive answer for you..
I do have questions tho. Do you have a Therapist and are you on any meds. Getting on meds for anxiety has helped me beyond measure.... and of course many years of therapy. I read everything I could get my hands on about relaxation ,ect... but couldn't stop my brain.

 

[cupfish]

Just went back on meds (SSRI) after several years off, trying valiantly to cope "naturally." Unfortunately my brain didn't play along and all the exercise and therapy and positive outlook did not rewire my fight/flight instinct. So I am with you: this is chemical. Yes we need talk/therapy to digest our circumstances but I am far more even keeled on meds. No more therapist. I don't need it any more. I fully understand my disease and how and when it occurs; talking helps when it comes from an educated source (such as YOU or my husband). I agree that therapy goes so far, but chemicals are more to blame on a daily basis.

 

[EveHarrington]

My life was constantly like that.

And then, I realized I wasn't living FOR ME. Who was I trying to keep up with? What was I trying to prove?

 

[Sideways]

Absolutely my meds are essential.

For some reason I hate admitting this (probably because every T I've ever seen would instantly jump on the 'told you so' bandwagon), but a really healthy lifestyle is actually also critical (& helps a lot with the chemical nighrmare in our heads).

Good sleep hygiene. Balanced healthy diet. Regular (ie daily) exercise. Regular (ie daily) quality relaxation time. And balancing work with social activities and activities that are personally meaningful. Getting it all covered in a structured daily routine.

You can organise your life so that there's overlap in those areas.

Sometimes I'm just too plain ill to pull a lot of that off. But doing what you can, when you can, is more important for people with mental health issues than the average Joe. And, unfortunately, there is science to back up that approach.:shifty:

 

[cupfish]

I guess I keep running after approval, running harder than anyone else, and only when there are superhuman results do I feel temporarily good. This results in huge energy swings up and down. When I think about altering this course I feel a chemical resistance in my body -- "no you have to go go go go." Our nervous systems are so overstimulated!!!! I am uncovering this pattern many years into my therapies and healing; it always astounds me when I heal only to uncover more crap inside. :(

 

[ladee]

Just a question, or two... what does 'approval' feel like to you ? And how does it make you feel when you get it?

 

[cupfish]

Acknowledgment that I did a good job. It makes me feel hollow because it's never enough approval to quell the urge to overachieve. My former T said I was one of those PTSD patients who looks really together but is a mess inside. I think I am less of a mess than 10 years go, but through this thread and other circumstances I have to make some changes that relate to energy expended vs gathered -- I rarely rest. You have no idea how badly I want to go on disability. It would END this cycle of push push push that is slowly taking days off my lifespan. I am the sole breadwinner and can't be unemployed for 6 months, which appears to be the rule. I don't look disabled, my track record speaks to high success but inside I know I am shortening my lifespan through fear and endless striving to please others.