Exhausted Significant Other

[candybon]

I dont quite agree with you Amethist. There are some days that my partner...My Husband has to really help me through my day.

I just finished 3 years of DBT and am now 9 months into PTSD therapy. I am regressing pretty bad at times. Those are the moments when I say things I shouldnt have said....being angry.....one thing a lot of people forget is people who develop PTSD at an early age-their nervous system is stunted. Like myself. Sometimes I will act like a child in some ways. Maybe pouting or extreme sadness or telling my husband things that makes him be there for me.

I do agree that everyone needs to be accountable to themselves. However, PTSD people need correction. They learned this childish behavior as a coping mechanism or just never developed that since of accountability.

Hopefully she is in therapy and learn to CORRECT the behavior......what you are telling Clyde about boundaries is fine but somethings have to be learned how to do because a lot of PTSD is learning things to get by in a traumatic situation and that is all we know.....We have to be taught the correct way to see think and feel.

And yes, sometimes my husband is my therapist just by listening completely and calmly and then suggest that I call my therapist. No one should just say-dont tell me your problems...save that for therapy.

 

[amethist]

I think you have totally misunderstood what I was saying there candybon.

Supporting and helping sufferers through the tough times, helping them to learn coping skills and listening to them is all part and parcel of being a good carer. But letting them whine and moan about how bad they feel, then expecting carers to drop everything every time they have an issue, does not always help them in the long term. Boundaries are there to help them as well as ourselves, we do have to help them learn, but giving into them every time will not do this

I am actually the main carer for my husband, and have had to teach his support worker quite a bit about PTSD. Having been with him from the very beginning of his PTSD, and for quite a time before this, I understand him more than any therapist ever will.

All sufferers are different and need different approaches, but the basics are exactly the same, just the way you use and implement them are different. If it was not for me learning all I could from the beginning, before anyone would take how ill he was seriously, he would not be alive and as well as he is today.

So somewhere along the last 4 years I must have got something right.

Don't you think?


Amethist

 

[Iam]

Amethist, I think you are right on. I am not only a sufferer, but a carer with a couple of people. And have learned for myself on both sides of the coin that boundaries are very important.

Yes, Candybon, I agree with you that going thru therapy is extremely difficult. I am doing that right now and have had to quit work because of it. Yet I do not cling to my husband or anyone else. Nor do I act like a child. Maybe that is because my mother (a PTSD sufferer) is extremely clingy and has always used childish ways and anger to try to manipulate me. I have set very firm boundaries with her. She still does try to manipulate, I just don't give in.

Anyway, because of her I abhore clinging and whining. I would never put another person thru that, let alone my husband. I'm not saying it's easy for him to live with my PTSD as I get really down sometimes, but I am an adult and responsible for myself, I do not expect him to take care of me.

Our biggest problem is my extreme sensitivity and he calls me on it, not letting me get away with misreading his intentions. I really appreciate him for doing that.

Carers must take care of themselves, just as sufferers must take care of themselves. It is a two way street. Boundaries are a must in any relationship, but it is tenfold when PTSD enters the mix.

 

[Iam]

I understand what you are saying Clyde. I meant to tell you that in your last post. Allowing her to be that clingy will suck the life right out of you and you will have nothing left to give her. And, as other's have said, it's not doing her any good either. She needs support yes, no doubt, but she also needs to learn to depend on herself. That will be empowering for her and is a must in her healing.