Exhausted

[Upside Down Eagle]

"Pff..."

that's like all I can think the entire time. I've had several severe anxiety and anger attacks in the last two weeks alone, and I'm trying to find a EMDR therapist but that's really difficult because I have trust issues, too. The first therapist seemed weird (couldn't handle her own native language) and the second seemed weird too (didn't remember any names, and asked me all questions twice).

I'm soooo freaking tired of these moodswings.... I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and although I disagreed at first I'm starting to think they were quite right. One day I am filled with arrogance, loathing and hate, the next day there is only fear and anxiety, the day afterwards I only cry, and now I'm exhausted. I don't even know which emotions really belong to me as a person, anymore. The way I think always seems to be majorly influenced by either PTSD, BPD or plain female hormones.

I have heard that your mid-twenties are among the most difficult times. Sure hope so. I keep fighting the little voice in my head that says "I don't want to do this anymore. Just put an end to it...!!". I have to put this enormous amount of effort into seeing little positive things and clinging on to them. Meanwhile I have my studies to attend to. Well anyway haha, sorry for the tirade. I need to blow off some steam!

 

[Flyaway]

If you're able to, I'd go see a naturopath. Ask to get a hair analysis done. Naturopaths are able to detect things that other specialists (doctors, psychiatrists etc) can't. They have a good knowledge of chemical 'recipes' your body needs to make in order to function more effectively, and they can see if your body has enough of the nutrients you need to function right.

You could have a build up of metals in your system which is causing the mood swings. So anything the psychiatrist gives you will be a band aid at best- it won't actually fix the problem.

Hope this helps!

 

[arfie]

"Pfft..." covers it as well as anything else I've ever come up with. But my monitor gets all slimey if I pfft at it too enthusiastically, so I throw in lots of less messy sounds for the sake of cleanliness.

20s were hard for me. Not as hard as the teens, but bad enough. Sorry they are or you, too. Hope you can stick it out. It is possible for all that stress to mellow into rich vintages.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

For me, it doesn't feel so much like an emotional pendulum as time goes by.