Sufferer Existing -ptsd/cptsd- childhood trauma & munchausen by proxy - monophobia & agoraphobia

[magnor]

Hello.
I was diagnosed with PTSD as well as C-PTSD almost 2 years ago. I was medicated by my mother when I was 16 for illnesses I didn't have in order to cover up the abuse in our home. I was the "identified patient" in my family. I still am. I have been put on 28 different drugs over the span of 18 years. I have spent the last 2 years getting off most medication since I now know trauma is often masked as mental illness. I was diagnosed with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy as well as Stockholm Syndrome in addition to PTSD and Complex PTSD.
2013 I lost my ability to drive my car due to a panic attack. It sounds ridiculous, I know. I then lost my job and my friends have all moved on. Sometimes I think this is just a really bad nightmare and I'm going to wake up and I will be able to drive my car and go to work and see my friends.
Over the last year, I have begun to accept I was abused. For so long I couldn't admit it. I avoided it and made excuses for them. I just thought everyone had crappy childhoods.
I still live with them. The abuse still continues today.
Now I'm just a burden. I have been experiencing Monophobia since 2015 so I can't be left alone in the house.
It's maddening.
I see a trauma therapist once a week but I don't know if I'm ever going to get better.
I have tried EMDR but I am still not able to drive a car, be left alone, walk into a store or do any basic normal functions in life.
It's not living. It's just existing.
It's really lonely and I'm really tired of feeling unsafe everywhere. I'm just really exhausted.
I hope I can find some hope here and maybe find someone else who has agoraphobia and monophobia and see how they are working through it. Maybe even find someone who has recovered. I don't know. A lot of the time, I feel like I am the only person on earth with these things.
Sorry for writing so much.

 

[littleoc]

You will not get better until you can live away from your abusers. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true.

I got slowly better while in an avusive relationahip, but she blocked my progress -- usually through boundary problems. Making boundaries was hard and eventually I realized I needed to to get better.

So, yes, that is getting better, but not as fast as I could have. I know that because since I've broken up with her, I've been able to leave it behind much easier.

Also, no need to be sorry! You are welcomed here and I hope you write some more threads about the topics you've brought up here! It's very strong of you to be getting help and looking for hope here. I happy for you because you'll be able to get better.

I wish you luck

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

I was diagnosed with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy as well as Stockholm Syndrome in addition to PTSD and Complex PTSD.

You have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy? Or does your abuser have this and you were the “proxy” they used?

 

[magnor]

You will not get better until you can live away from your abusers. I know it sounds harsh, but it's tr...

I began cutting strings over a year ago. I know I need to get out of here but being housebound and monophobic, I'm stuck. The more I try and do exposure therapy, the more they try and sabotage it. My therapist says the stronger I get, the more abusive they get. I'm trying to save any money I get but I cannot work right now. They know this and use it to their advantage. I can't drive a car right now so they use this as well to their advantage by taking my car. I'm setting boundaries. I'm in a 12 by 12 room all day but I don't interact with them. Thank you for welcoming me.

 

[magnor]

Welcome to the forums!

You have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy? Or does your abuser have this and yo...

Sorry to confuse. My mother has the MSbP. I will correct it.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you for welcoming me.

You're welcome :)

As for the other stuff -- sounds like a lot for one person. You can get through this

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[ladee]

Welcome ! At least now you won't feel so alone. Saying too much??? No one thinks anything about us writing and saying and talking and , see, just like that... It's ok... we all understand.

Takes courage to put our self out there for people we don't know. A lot to read here. Many people from all over the world. And we all have many things in common... glad you found us and glad you are here.

 

[LuckiLee]

Welcome. So sorry for your struggles! Best wishes to you.

 

[Angelwings]

Welcome. I am in the process of separating from my abuser, and it's not easy. I wish you luck in all of your struggles. You can do this!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Welcome to the forum. It is a great place to get support with your struggles. I haven't been having as severe problems as you have described. I am on my own all day until my family comes home. I end up staying in bed a lot to feel safer when I am alone. Sometimes even when they are home (and when I say family I mean my husband and sons all of whom I love and love me). I had been doing load better, but this is where I am at after 5 years of therapy. It takes time. Can you get on disability so you have money to get out to a place that is different from your current setting, maybe a supportive group home or something like that?

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Welcome to the forum.

It took me until I was 38 years old to break free from my life long abuse by my family of origin.

For me, I wanted to label my fear of going outside as agoraphobia. A therapist told me that is wasn't that rather it was part of PTSD and that when I'm able to address the reasons behind it, I would start to be able to go outside once again. I've now figured it out for the most part; my father, my main perpetrator, was a hunter of people and that was/is the main reason I'm not comfortable outside. I didn't have a problem until I started to remember what my father did to me and others in 2011. Before that I could go outside.