Expanding / Contracting

[StellaBlue]

In my "healing" journey, I've noticed this pattern of expanding then contracting. For example, I have a burst of productive therapy and start to feel better and begin to expand outward in my day-to-day life. I might make plans to socialize, reach out to people, try something new. And then, once I've moved outside my comfort zone, I freak out (internally) and constrict - withdrawing, feeling afraid, wanting to hide, quit therapy, etc. etc. etc. And it feels like I'm starting over, only worse (even though, intellectually, I know this isn't true - the place I'm sinking to is higher than the last time, if that makes sense). I have read that doing trauma work is like a dolphin diving down, then coming up for air - then diving down again. I don't know what I'm asking for here - maybe validation that this is all part of the process...that it gets better - advice on how to live on a more even line rather than peaking and dipping.

 

[Lionheart]

Just my 2 cents, here but I think that it is a natural rhythmic pattern in life to cycle through...much like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide, the sun going up and then down, or the inhalation and exhalation of our breathing.

I suppose then it also applies to our healing too; to heal a bit and then rest, then work at it again, heal and rest.

So yeah, I think it is all a part of the process, is very natural, and for me, it evened out more as time went by.

The emotional roller coaster has dips and turns that become more even as we heal, but at first it can seem that the darn thing is going higher and faster than before and this too I think is a natural part of the process.

Hang in there and thank you for the dolphin analogy it brings up a very healing visual for me.

 

[Nyssa]

Hello StellaBlue,

I totally recognize myself in what you describe. And I like the image of the dolphin.

I tend to get mad at me when I "contract". Then I remember it's just the way it works.

I think, on some level, everyone goes through these movements in life. Periods of action versus periods of rest, moments of extroversion followed by introversion, etc. To me, it's the nature of life itself to go through cycles of expansion and contraction.

Of course, rollercoasters are tiring, frustating, painful. But I definitey think the amplitude of the sinking can be reduced. It has for me, anyway.

How? I see it as a work on both "fronts". Working on "processing the trauma" while keeping on exploring the world outside of one's comfort's zone. Gradually, my comfort zone widens. I tend to sink less deep, and resurfacing gets easier (it is still hard, just not quite as hard as it used to be).

 

[greenleaf]

Thank you for your dolphin image, that's wonderful. Yes, this is familiar to me too! Sometimes I think part of me wants to be sure I'm safe still so I retreat some. Sometimes I feel like I've tired part of myself out and it needs a rest. Sometimes I wonder if some neurotransmitters need time to replenish after lots of use, or something along those chemical lines. Or it could be all of those, just different perspectives.

Your comment that the places you're sinking too get higher over time sounds crucial to me! Good job working on this stuff, we can all agree how difficult it is I think.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I too have this phenomenon. I agree with @Lionheart777 much like natural breathing.

I have found lately the times spent constricted are lessening each time.

Santa

 

[StellaBlue]

Thank you everyone...yes, maybe it's like breathing. I get so frustrated with myself for sinking...and then I (eventually) accept that it's part of the process and things even out. Big sigh.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well I didn't know that's what it was but I can certainly relate to how it feels! Thanks for explaining it. :hug:

Maybe it's self-doubt, or the fact it is new/ different? Or, I heard today, maybe ways in which we thought of ourselves (felt) as children explains why we feel that way (the same ways) as adults? Then, if we do things (that by their nature are 'healing') they seem incompatible, or not deserved, or whatever.

I too love the thought (image) of dolphins- thanks. They are peaceful & sweet, they are graceful. :)

 

[Eric Tye]

I have personally been on a journey with my PTSD for over 10 years now. I've gotten therapy which allows me to function day to day with little or no problems, but like you I experience moments of "contracting." The last few days (leading up to Memorial day tomorrow) have been hard, and even the most innocent comment from my mother-in-law (whom I love dearly) can send me into a spiral. As hard as it is right now, and with everything I'm dealing with, I at least have the knowledge and hope that tomorrow (literally or figuratively) will be better. I'll make it out of this funk I'm in.

My journey is my own, and not necessarily yours. However, I hope that my brief comments give you hope that you, too, will heal, and tomorrow (again, literal or figurative) will be "better." Keep at it, and know that you are loved. I don't know you, don't know your circumstances, and may or may not speak with you again, but know that my love is with you. You are not alone. Above all, know that you are not alone.