Expectations Around Parts And Posting???

[Muttly]

Ok, first I guess I'll give a disclaimer. I'm worried I am coming off as overbearing or something. Since I've joined I've been on here a lot. That's mostly because I'm home and too sick to do anything. It's also because I'm excited to have found this place. I haven't completely figured out the culture of this place though and don't want to be completely messing up.

Now the question... I saw that playroom (can't remember the exact title) and one of our little one's got really excited. We were on a forum once that was supposed for trauma survivors and folks with DID and it wasn't so great. If we start talking about DID, what just happened happens. Pronouns switch to we/us. At this other forum that was against the rules. And they were very insistent that only the "host" post but I/we don't really have a host. They also only allowed littles in the playroom. If they thought a little one was posting anywhere else they would delete the post.

I read the constitute and legal stuff (well, only sort of on the legal stuff since it's the typical blah blah) and I didn't see anything DID/Part specific. I just want to make sure I understand how things work. I am not trying to come across as demanding or anything. I just don't want to mess up.

 

[BlueOrange]

I am not an admin, so this is not an official statement of how things work. I have found this place confusing, and have been temporarily banned in the past, so I think I have some understanding.

The basic rules here are about politeness. When I was banned, it was for expressing thoughts about other people that were upsetting for others, and for trying to make them angry. I had learned in other internet forums that if someone else loses their temper, then they lose; in this place, there is an understanding that 'losing your temper' and 'being wrong' are not the same.

Originally, this forum was for PTSD and discussion of related conditions (such as C-PTSD) was less welcome than it is now. Similarly, there were rules about proper grammar and spelling that have relaxed a little. My impression is that clear and constructive contributions are valued, and that the community is becoming progressively more inclusive. (As it grows, I think it is becoming more able to withstand differences while remaining valuable, which is unusual and special.)

So now I'll try to answer your question:
Generally speaking, we aim to communicate in an adult and considerate way on these forums.

There is no expectation (that I'm aware of) that the parts who speak here are the 'main part' or any such thing. So long as they are adult and considerate, they are welcome to speak.

Posts in the 'anonymous' subforums are not required to be quite so adult and considerate.

The time that a verbally incompetent part of mine took over and spoke in a disorganized / frightened way in chat, nobody complained & I had no problems. (The part in question was nice, but not good with the words.)

I tend to think of myptsd as like a workplace: I come here to practice being better, and to help others practice being better. I personally wouldn't bring child parts to this workplace unless they wanted to have an experience of doing grown-up work.

Regarding pronouns, I use 'we' when it feels more honest than 'I'. I think the key is whether a normal reader would be able to comprehend who you are talking about.

Hope this helps.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi, @Muttly - it's a good question, and while normally it would be shifted to become a help-ticket, I think it may be useful for others so I'll leave the thread here.

We were on a forum once that was supposed for trauma survivors and folks with DID and it wasn't so great.

We are a PTSD forum. This doesn't mean that we don't recognize how often PTSD and DID can be co-morbid, and we have a number of members who are or have been diagnosed with DID; they are welcome to post and ask both DID and PTSD specific questions freely.

We are not specifically a forum for DID. As such, we do not offer resources geared towards the individual parts within the system.

What does that mean? Our expectation is that you will post within the identity that registered for the forum. I'm aware that for some people, that's a plurality - and using pronouns such as we/us instead of me/I is perfectly acceptable here. What is not acceptable is posting while identifying primarily as a member of your system who is not the primary 'front'.

Maybe a simpler way of saying it is, the forum respects that a person diagnosed with DID is multiple, and may identify themselves as a multiple entity. But, we don't have the resources to manage more than one identity as the account holder.

I'm referring to that identity as the Front, while understanding and respecting that Front does not always equal 'dominant'.

Posting as anyone other than the front that I can recognize as the account holder will result in the posts being heavily moderated, potentially deleted.

Please, let me know if you have follow up questions.

EDIT TO ADD: This thread resulted in a very nice, clear statement, courtesy of @BlueOrange:

- We expect to be able to deal with you as if you were one person. The internal arrangements that you make to achieve this outcome are your own business.

That about sums it up.

 

[joeylittle]

Thanks, @BlueOrange, for weighing in - it's really helpful to read the experience from the member side of the experience. I agree with almost everything you said, except for the following:

There is no expectation (that I'm aware of) that the parts who speak here are the 'main part' or any such thing. So long as they are adult and considerate, they are welcome to speak.

I do have an expectation that the account is fundamentally managed by the Front. Sometimes, the distinctions are so subtle as to not cause any confusion for other members or staff; in a highly co-conscious and collaborative entity, that's totally acceptable. However, it can be problematic when someone isn't in that place in their recovery. And that's why I prefer to apply the concept of 'one account per user' to members with DID in this way.

Posts in the 'anonymous' subforums are not required to be quite so adult and considerate.

Oh, they are - it's just that anonymity sometimes gives people the impression that they can be assholes without impunity. It's been a little tough in there lately, agreed; but that's not the goal.

Regarding pronouns, I use 'we' when it feels more honest than 'I'. I think the key is whether a normal reader would be able to comprehend who you are talking about.

Well said.

 

[chant2012]

It's okay to use we/us pronouns, I think? I have used them myself when referring to me/us.

The only thing, from my understanding, is that no one under 13 can post on these forums. So that would include little ones inside too I think.

I don't usually give too many specifics because I too, in another forum, was talked to about using names and such for parts.

I am not sure about here though.

Hope an admin replies to this. Am curious myself.

 

[chant2012]

Oh I'm sorry. I guess an admin already did reply. Duh. Silly me.

 

[Muttly]

Thank you everyone for the replies. they are very helpful. I do totally understand that this is a PTSD group. The reason the DID comes up for us is to do any constructive work around PTSD, we have to address as a whole, if that makes sense. As a group, we are pretty co-conscious.(I'm not sure about collaborative, heh) The parts that aren't so co-conscious wouldn't be allowed here anyway because we guard them pretty hard.

I understand what is being said about the "Front" but that's a little tricky for us. There's a functional/social front and then there's the front that goes to therapy and tends to show up in forums. Basically they worked together to join here, since the front that manages us and would be seeking support (and hopefully giving support), needs help with forms and such. I am not sure how much difference outsiders can tell. Even our T can't always tell, so I don't think it would cause confusion for others.

I guess my only confusion is about the...I still can't remember the exact title of the post, it was something about letting your inner child play. Basically our "inner child" is a little. So, if we post there are we breaking the expectations of the group? I'm really not trying to be difficult, I just want to adhere to the expectations of the group

 

[EveHarrington]

Just curious, but if that thread brings out a little, and you're trying to integrate, wouldn't it be better to ignore that thread? (Assuming integration is your goal.)

 

[joeylittle]

Are you referring to this thread, @Muttly? - Inner Child Party Room

I'd call it an imaginative space for people to relate to their 'inner children', which for most, is a construct - not a separate identity. It would not be OK to identify in this thread as a 'little'.

Basically they worked together to join here, since the front that manages us and would be seeking support (and hopefully giving support), needs help with forms and such. I am not sure how much difference outsiders can tell. Even our T can't always tell, so I don't think it would cause confusion for others.

I understand this, and agree. You aren't the only poster here who might describe things in this way.

 

[Friday]

If I'm overstepping here @joeylittle please just go ahead and delete / I totally understand / no questions from this quarter as to why.

@Muttly I'm not staff, this is just my take as a member, and I could be wrong. With that caveat in place:

There are a lot of us here with comorbid diagnosis. When something is directly related to that comorbid there's an entire forum to ask questions / be talking about it with others who share that dx or may have some experience or opinions to weigh in with Other Symptoms & Disorders as it relates to PTSD, or not.

But even when something is pure PTSD? The overriding principle I have come to expect from this community is personal responsibility & accountability.

It doesn't matter whether I'm triggered, depressed, enraged/lashing out, in ADHD-tangent land, disassociated, on a new medication that has me seriously loopy, 3 martinis deep, or just being an asshole. If I've posted it? I'm responsible for it. There is no excuse for breaking forum rules. Staff may warn me, thread ban me, temp ban me, or ban me, at their discretion in response to my breaking or bending those rules. I'm always free to ask staff by help ticket at any time for clarification, but ultimately; My screen-name, and what is posted under my screen name, is my responsibility (including in the anonymous forums). If I'm acting out, regardless as to the cause (or whether or not I remember doing it), I'm going to be held accountable for my actions.

 

[BlueOrange]

Thanks very much for clarifying the admin positions @joeylittle - I'm happy to support all of them. It does seem like the 'Front' concept might be worth elaborating.

If I've understood correctly, then what myptsd is requesting from members with DID is that they minimize the confusion experienced by other members.

This means (in terms of the Front concept) that other members feel able to communicate with the DID sufferer as if they were one person/identity. The internal experience of the DID person doesn't need to be of being one person, so long as they do not demand accommodations from the community.

Examples based on behavior may illustrate:

ACCEPTABLE:
- Silly personality posts something in the social subforum and has a rather silly conversation about it.
- Helper personality answers someone else's post with advice
- Needy personality asks for help in a separate thread.

That's normal forum behavior, and unlikely to confuse other participants.

UNACCEPTABLE
DID sufferer expects others to maintain separate relationships with separate parts (eg, "I get that you're angry with Orange, but this is Blue talking now")

DID sufferer (or any part thereof) denies behavior performed by another part. ("I didn't do that" may be an honest perception by a part, but the collective is the holder of the account, and is the common-sense referent of the pronoun "I".)

Boiling that down, I feel like this might be the statement from the community to DID sufferers:
- We expect to be able to deal with you as if you were one person. The internal arrangements that you make to achieve this outcome are your own business.

WHERE I'M COMING FROM
My belief is that rules regarding other people's internal structures are unenforceable and counterproductive. Unenforceable because it's so easy to lie about being 'main' or 'front' or whatever.

Counterproductive because those who make an honest effort towards compliance are likely to tie themselves up in knots. "What does Front mean?" is a confusing and difficult question, that might not be answerable. It has the potential to disrupt the power balance and create internal divisions. Efforts at unification and integration have an extra problem to resolve (who gets the label). Internal reorganization is similarly extra-difficult.

So, while I think I understand what outcome admin is seeking, I'd suggest rephrasing the request to facilitate compliance.

 

[Muttly]

@joeylittle thanks for clarifying. your answers have been very helpful. And yes, that was the thread I was referring to.

@Friday Yes, that sort of sounds like common courtesy or basic group manners to me. I'm pretty sure we have never used DID as an excuse to not be held responsible for our actions and never would. that's just not how we operate.

Just curious, but if that thread brings out a little, and you're trying to integrate, wouldn't it be better to ignore that thread? (Assuming integration is your goal.)

I'm not trying to integrate and my T doesn't see it as necessary. :)