Experiences With Sociopaths

[ms spock]

And even though H has moved out yesterday. I am feeling so guilty now and so doubting myself. Even though I know it is right and I feel relieved. I can see the doubts creep in. Jesus!

That is because he is a sociopath/psychopath and has been messing with your head to make sure you feel guilty. Be strong! Don't let him manipulate you in to coming back!

 

[ms spock]

Does not help that he is collecting all his stuff and moping around looking miserable (which I guess is a reasonable thing) and he is moving into such a tiny studio flat.

He choose a small flat so he can't take the children and so he can make you feel guilty about moving out. He chose through is behaviours to push you to the point where you had no choice but to end the relationship.

He is not a child.

He is deliberately trying to play on your good nature.

He chose to get that small studio. What father that is serious about caring for his offspring gets a place where he cannot have the children?

He also got the small studio so he can ask you if he can come and see the kids at your place because "he doesn't have any room" at his small studio. Once again the choosing of the small studio is all about manipulating you.

Moping and looking miserable is calculated to push your buttons and get you to ask him not to leave.

This is all manipulation.
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

And in the back of my head, the risk he commits suicide. It is so there in my head.

He might make a suicide attempt to try and hook you back in and let him live in your place and home. They often
do suicide attempts but they don't kill themselves. They make sure of that.
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Perhaps that would make a good Hollywood movie, paranoid, anxious complex trauma housewife has body/mind swap with high powered sociopath. (you know, like freaky Friday) I'd like Julia Roberts to play me thanks.

That is a great idea.

Write a script about your experiences. If it got made in to a film young women could watch it to get the warning signals of a sociopath/psychopath.

If we don't create literature, art, oral traditions, films, paintings, sculptures etc then we have no tradition to hand down to the next generation.

Document, document, document! You have an opportunity to help save some of the next generation.
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

No one would choose to have a relationship with someone for the sole purpose of putting their physical, emotional, or financial safety at risk. For this reason, very few of us become involved with people we know have many psychopathic traits. If you have a psychopathic individual in your life, then you probably did not realize the risks and in many cases the costs when you were first getting to know this person. You should never feel guilty about being fooled by someone who may have worked very hard to deceive you, and who certainly did not advise you of his/her destructive personality traits.
http://www.mindfulness.org.au/URGE SURFING.htm

I think that is important to keep in mind hey? Or we can all end up beating ourselves up about it all for a long time to come.
ox
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[doglover]

It is all right. ... That must be so amazing. I think I would just like to feel like that for one day or even week and know what it was like.

Well, I am not incapable of feeling empathy but I am numb a lot, so a lot of the time everything is "all right" even when I should be feeling something intense. It's not all it's cracked up to be, I assure you! :unsure:

 

[Anna]

I was the victim of a psychopath. Lucky for me I had started to learn about them in college at the time. He was the one who nearly killed me. I realised what he was when he came back and grabbed me. When I looked into his eyes I saw he was insane. This evil sadistic souless being. He had enjoyed the pain and humilation he had inflicted on me. I knew I had to stay calm to save my life. If I had screamed or freaked out he would have killed me. Staying calm and friendly I managed to talk my way out of it. The injury he inflicted on me nearly killed me, but I am still alive today. What is frightening is how they can act completly normal around other people and hold down very good jobs.

 

[ms spock]

Indeed Anna Indeed,

ms spock

 

[BloomInWinter]

This is advice I intent to follow with several people in my circles...

"The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication.
Psychologists do not usually like to recommend avoidance, but in this case, I make a very deliberate exception. The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from your life altogether. Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous. Begin this exclusion of them in the context of your own relationships and social life. You will not hurt anyone's feelings. Strange as it seems, and though they may try to pretend otherwise, sociopaths do not have any such feelings to hurt.
You may never be able to make your family and friends understand why you are avoiding a particular individual. Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see, and harder to explain. Avoid him/her anyway.

If total avoidance is impossible, make plans to come as close as you can to the goal of total avoidance."

Source: [DLMURL]http://www.bookbrowse.com/author_interviews/full/index.cfm?author_number=1097[/DLMURL]

 

[Broken]

So I have complex trauma (complext PTSD) whatever you want to call it.

Now, I think my soon to be ex H is a sociopath.

He just thinks about himself all the time. He does not care about how it affects others, as long as he gets what he wants. He does not think about what affect he is having. He is always right. But he thinks he is doing for everyone's good. In his head he is the best person who knows better and who is looking after everyone. Does not care that they are telling him it is wrong, that is actually hurting them. In his eyes it is justified and everyone else is wrong. He is in control because he knows best. His ideas about how things work are over and above everyone else's. As long as he gets his way, everything has to work around what he wants. He cannot consider anything else. He just does not hear anything else apart from his own thoughts and opinions.

Ok maybe a stupid post, but just trying to work this out. Need answers.

Not stupid at all. I know you've posted this awhile ago, but I feel as though you described my ex husband in which I am still suffering from the aftermath of being in such close proximity to someone who said that he was only looking out for me and that I just needed to trust him, only to find out that he hurt me on purpose to get me to do what he wanted.

He ALWAYS knew best. I, of course, knew nothing. His abuse of me was my fault. He wasn't abusive he would say, I was just too sensitive. He would punish me if I didn't go along with what he thought best by withdrawing affection, something he knew I craved from an affectionless childhood. Showing tears meant that I "got" the message that I would conform my behavior to what he needed.

You also said:

It seems that because of my childhood I am far more likely to fall victim to sociopaths. Because I accept bad behaviour towards me as normal.

Same here. I realized I immersed myself in an environment with sociopaths at work and at home. It is as if they sensed my hunger for approval and knew that I would do anything for the crumbs that would fall.

 

[Broken]

So difficult for me at the moment, as I feel so used. That I have been his object to make him feel so good about himself. Feel so disgusted by that. And, also, that I still fall for it.

Did you find a way to find peace with yourself after realizing you were being used by him? If so, would love to hear what worked.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Broken, Not sure I have at all. I will try and think about it. But, to be honest, at the moment, I am finding myself dealing with so many issues, that I cannot even afford to go there. Thinking about it just brings me right down. I can't even begin to think about it, without feeling there is too much there, that I am trying to bury at the moment, so I can get on with what I have to deal with now.

I still have to deal with him, I am disgusted by him and he still triggers me and I have nightmares about what he has done and panic attacks if I start to think about a whole load of stuff to do with him. Memories are more detailed and more vivid and I am remembering more about life with him and how awful it was.

I am much more bolder with him now and am trying to set more boundaries, but I get scared and I know there is more I should be doing but can't at the moment. I recognise him for what he is and he is doing things still to control in his pathetic way and I am trying to deal with it as best I can. Anger is there, but I can't let it take over. Hurt, pain and disgust. Just too much.

Thing is, now I am trying to set the boundaries it feels like I am being controlling and unreasonable. And he is doing his pathetic, poor, abandoned husband with a mental wife routine. He has no guilt.

But I just have to do the best I can. It is too overwhelming.

Whole load of health issues and other stuff with my kids, money worries and trying to sort out how I manage complex trauma under extremely stressful conditions (for me) at the moment.

I stress out and panic a lot and get overwhelmed, so not really at the point of finding peace. I do want that. But there are so many issues I need to find peace with.

I am hoping I will get there. I'll let you know, hopefully, soon.