Explaining My Ptsd To My Boyfriend

[Lauren214]

I absolutely love and adore my boyfriend but sometimes its hard to explain my PTSD to him.Thanks to my attack my PTSD makes me extremely Paranoid, and Self Conscious. I have got physical scars from my attack and some of those scars not visible by my loved ones, make me afraid to go see my OB/GYN for regular check ups. I am so afraid of what hes done that I constantly fear what will the doctor think. I am so Paranoid because he was never locked up that he will show up, I am always looking over my shoulder, behind my back, I wont even drive to one place the same way twice. I just wish it were easier to explain it to him.

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey Lauren,

I guess I want to clarify... I read the above as you were attacked by someone... but your boyfriend is NOT your attacker, he's a different person. Is that correct?

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through and what you're going through. Are you in therapy? I'm pretty new and I'm not sure I have any real advice, I just wanted to say that I'm listening. I think you could try to explain to your boyfriend how you're feeling, maybe start with how you're always looking over your shoulder and such... and see how that goes? I'm not sure. But my thoughts are with you! It's really unfair what you've gone through. There are lots of understanding and supportive people on this forum to listen and try to help.

Hang in there,
D

 

[Lauren214]

Your correct D123 my boyfriend is NOT my attacker but we were together when I was attacked.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

My only advice, as a previous supporter, is to try to explain. Communicate as much as you can. He may not fully understand, but every word will get him closer to grasping it.

Supporters are often scared to "push" their loved one to talk about it. Don't downplay, trust him to hear it.

Wishing you the best!

 

[Dee Morris]

I really struggle with explaining my ptsd to people. They seem to think that I should "just not think about it" and that will make all the anxiety, depression, hypervigilance etc etc disappear like magic. I'm trying very hard to come to terms with the fact that people who have never experienced what we have are very comfortable NOT understanding. As much as I would LOVE to have someone who understands me & the struggles I face on a daily basis, I'm better off just accepting that they never will. Saves me the frustration of feeling like I constantly need to explain myself and the disappointment that inevitably comes when they don't.

 

[ronin47]

My best friend is a guy. He and I talk about everything. I try to explain my PTSD to him and he will say things like, "I have known you for years and I don't see anything wrong with you."

But you know...I think that he thinks he's giving me a compliment.

I would say something to him like, "I would really feel a lot better if you would read about this. Look it up on Wikipedia or something." Ask him to research it on his own or offer him websites and say, "This website does a good job of describing what I'm going through." It will take the stress away from you trying to explain it yourself and relieve any frustration. At the end of the day I'm always in favor of giving people the benefit of the doubt. Lots of people who have PTSD refuse to acknowledge it for a long time and won't admit they have a problem, so I think it's only fair if we let our loved ones go through their own denial process to an extent.

 

[EverOnly358]

This is kinda what Ronin is saying... and I'm not sure I can make this come out right... but when people don't understand stuff like dealing with PTSD, or what it's like to have a special needs daughter... I'm kinda happy for them. Like, I'm not wishing my problems on anyone... because this stuff is HARD TO DEAL WITH. I love, love, love my daughter, but she's a full time job for my husband and I, and has been for 15 years and will be indefinitely. Do I want other people to experience that? Not really. And PTSD and the trauma that caused it... I don't wish that on anyone.

So... remembering this gives me patience with people. Because, in a way, it's okay, even good, that they don't understand. Good that they're lives have been easier. And once you have the patience... then it's easier to get into the information and advocating. I agree with Ronin, too, about having a couple websites that explain things. Explain how there are hundreds of people on this site, experiencing the same things, and how their loved ones don't always understand either... that you're not alone... but neither is your boyfriend alone in not understanding (yet). And that if he could gain a little understanding about PTSD specifically, it would go a long, long way to making things easier for the two of you.

I hope this helps,
D

 

[Jenfa]

I explain it sometimes like this, "When I'm triggered from PTSD, I get an adrenaline rush that puts me in a fight or flight reactive state. It is not something that can be simply talked down. It's a chemical reaction.". That way they understand it's not something that I can snap out of like they'd hoped. I think sometimes telling people the intricate details of things or specifics just confuses them. The one thing that I've recently learned how to do was to not be apologetic about it. If I get the eye-roll or some bullshit, I make sure I tell whomever it is that that's life. Not so much defending behaviors that may have come from having PTSD, but the disorder itself. There is so much information about it, I'm sure there are endless amount of resources he can look into and read it for himself.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Lauren214, I think the fears and needs you express relate to the current present, fear of having what has happened exposed, having to explain it, fear this person will show up again. Feeling like it's very recent or perhaps even very likely/ inevitable. Maybe you can explain small things to your bf as they arise, and relate them back to what he does know about what has happened. Perhaps you can you talk yourself down a bit, reminding yourself of all that is good, right or provides protection? Sometimes I find 'voicing' fears (if they won't be shot down or invalidated) takes some of the fear away.

Welcome to you, I hope you feel a little better and more at peace each day. :)

 

[Dee Morris]

The fears being shot down & invalidated has been my biggest obstacle in relationships. It's caused me to place extreme limitations on my relationships. I keep everyone at an emotional distance.