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Extreme Anxiety for Future Security

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Wow? I too repeat the saying, "This too shall pass."

My life is Murphy's Law, whatever can go wrong, will. I accept it.
The thing is, I need security financially, and refuse to procastinate.
I want action so I can be done with the issue.
Then I will enjoy my family and the holidays.
I also know, we cannot control anyone but ourselves!
So I am gonna get prices for me getting a policy on him.
 
Hi again Momma Kitty,
You made me smile again because after reading your posts that is exactly what I did! I found a lot of companies on the internet which seem to offer coverage for not-too-much with perhaps no medical exam. I'm in the process of looking for consumer blogs on them because boy, I don't believe anything that's written unless it has back-up! I've figured out what I'll need to supplement my own income 'in the event'. Implementing an action certainly gives me a feeling of control.

PTSD inspired procrastination seems to be my Waterloo. Thanks for the reports from the other side of that battle!

Take care,

Anni
 
BBB, Better Business Bureau, as well as just google the corporate name. I found lots of info after the fact about Wachovia/Wells Fargo when they refused to work with me after getting one car payment behind after a year and repossessed it last April.

I am constantly being told I worry too much, think too much, do too much, etc. In the past few years, I am 50, it suddenly dawned on me... Yeah, I am too much, but that is not a bad thing for anyone but me and my stress level.
 
Hello Momma Kitty,

I hope I'm not highjacking your thread, but I just want to share about my acute crisis of extreme anxiety for future security (I took tranquilizers, so I'm able to focus writing this) :

I have C-PTSD with attachment disorder.

I have not been able to make a career after graduating 15 years ago, MBA (university). I had severe panic and anxiety attacks during my studies, so graduating took 8 years. During last 15 years, I'v been unemployed for more than 10 years, working less than 5 years. My last 7-month work ended 3 months ago, though "unofficially" I was promised promotion to new tasks - didn't happen.

My home has been "the last safe-house" during sufferings, and it's been my nightmare to lose my home due to unemployment. Three years ago I was living alone in a studio apartment in the best area of the city, when got a note that my landlord had died, his children had to sell the studio due to inheritance taxes, so I had 6 months time to find a new home. I recall feeling like the end of the world is coming in 6 months, because it's hard to get a nice home in nice neighbourhood - having to move into some city slum feels like I'd rather end my life.

I miracle happened - I found an amazing apartment with surpricingly cheap rent just two buildings away on the same street, top floor of "Castle", and I found a room mate from internet to share the rent. The miracle was that I got this apartment, application was by e-mail letter, though there were more than a dozen other applicants, like doctors and business executives.

My room mate was a young woman - who, I found out, liked girls and ate some hormones while lifting weights. She was aggressive, and thought herself like being the man of the house. So, conflicts were unavoidable, and she moved away after one month. During that period, I started to drink. A lot. I could not sleep, and after some weeks I went to psychosis. At one point it was severe, I thought I'm Pharaoh. Then I was going to get married with a lot older, alcoholic woman with Parkinson's disease. Somehow, after 4 months of drinking, I stopped and understood the reality of what's going on. It was a long battle to get her move back to her place - I was really scared for her.

Well, later on I'v rented 2 rooms of this apartment to room mates - there has been about 20 tenants from almost 20 different countries (now there's a young guy from Australia in a big room). This arrangement is really the best solution for me - I'm not totally alone, get to at least say "hi" to someone every day. Thus, I live better and a lot cheaper than alone in a studio apartment.

Some months ago I got notice, that my landlord is so old, her daughter is taking over this "business". Oh no! She called there's some large pipe renovation coming spring 2010, and then later, two months ago, she visited here with a interior architect. I was really nervous, especially about my temporary wall I'd made, etc. Needed tranquilizers. She appeared nice, but took long looks about furniture etc. - well I don't afford better! I knew she wanted more rent, and I told her I could make a suggestion to here about - living here during water pipe renovation (no water, no toilet, etc, usually one does not have to pay rent at all during that) , and even paying like half the rent during renovation - and then make a suggestion to her that I could pay more after that. She said "oh yeas, do that!" It was Friday.

On Monday I was shocked to get info that the lease agreement had been determined by her - I hadn't even made my suggestion. I think she want's a lot more rent, and me out of here. In principal I have 6 months time to find a new home, but because the renovation starts in 3 months, I'm forced to find new home before that. This month I was not able to get one (because I have no income but unemployment etc. minimum), and because I have to announce my leaving here minimum one months before, my goal was to get a new place in this December, so I could move 1st of February. I'm really in crisis now, new year coming. Then the january will be my last chance. It's like doom days coming, i cannot handle pressure. It's like the last nails to my coffin.

I haven't been able to get sleep properly.

Just now I feel relatively OK because of tranquilizers, but that's only a temporary solution.
 
Boy! I certainly relate to this anxiety about future security. I'm in the same boat with life insurance and other people's kids
and finding out yesterday that the State of NC took over my residency from the State of Alaska and the Soc. Sec. Admin now
has no record that I exist. I guess since I've been around 12 step programs for so long, I don't know how to live with
all this life stuff without using a step process. I have to rely on my loving Higher Power and do the next right thing...which lately
has just been making it through each day.

seaworthy
 
Hello again,

I'm having, or recovering from extreme stress - I managed to get a fantastic new big apartment, a dream come true, and I had to get 5 tenants at the same time as I was moving my stuff, and taking care of all money issues at the same time - that was too much for me. I somehow managed to do that, but I almost lost my mind over the stress I had. Well, lot's of things has happened during past 18 days, and in between I noticed I was really, really loosing my mind, and though during past 7 days I'v felt I'm recovering from that ordeal, I get these lapses: Last evening was great with new room mates - sauna and beer, really good.Thus I'm really smitten with one room mate, to put it mildly.

The thing is that for example this morning I felt really good, and suddenly I started to panic badly, really not knowing what to do, or how to relieve this anxiety. It really hit me while I was in shower, and I heard the girl that I have strong feelings about, making her things in kitchen. I started to hurry up to greet her (before she left, or something else), but - she just started a discussion with a guy (that I cannot stand) - and I felt like a hit to my stomach. I bit later I kind of forced myself to engage into trying to conversation with her - and I got totally lost, didn't know what to say or to do, so I just mumbled some stupid things out, and got my room mates feeling also very anxious. I blew it totally. Just a short time earlier I was smiling with warm feelings, thinking how my whole life is changing into something fantastic, like a dream. Then I stumbled, badly.

Now I'm desperately trying to get a hold of my thoughts - because I'm I'm almost totally loosing my mind. I was going through names on my phone, as who to call and tell something about the acute crisis I'm having. But, then I realized that I cannot escape the fact that I'm totally alone, no one can really help this kind of thing.

Ok, I' still having this anxiety attack, so my writing might be erratic. Like I felt falling from heaven to hell in a few seconds. Something triggered that. Any tips?
 
Sorry- forgot the obvious and most important: if you are too stressed out to talk: smile. If you don't, she'll think you don't like her. If you're stressed out, and it comes across as angry, too- she'll really think you can't stand her.
At least if you smile she won't take it as something 'personal'. Might even take her off guard.
-And hey-she's agreed to live there, right? That's something.
 
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