Faced With Making Major Decisions Before Speaking With Therapist

[Muted]

I have to make some major decisions tomorrow and haven't been able to get a hold of my therapist and I feel really anxious about this and I'm having a hard time breathing. I don't know what to do. I feel like my anxiety is starting to spiral:sorry:.

Has anyone else been faced with this? If so, what did you do?

 

[Kintsugi]

Can you say a bit more about the nature of the decision?

I make most decisions without input from my T. She mostly helps with fallout if I make the wrong one or if my decision simply causes a lot of stress, good or bad.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't really talk to my T about my decision making either, it's part of her job to support me regardless to find a way through the decision I've made.

So, in your position I'd make the best decision for me based on the information available to me and trust me to know what's best for me. It would be worth talking through your feeling about making major decisions without your T being available - it's all part of the work.

 

[Muted]

Can you say a bit more about the nature of the decision?

It has to do with my job and some things we didn't really prepare for that I'm going to need to decide on.

I don't really talk to my T about my decision making either, it's part of her job to support me regardless to find a way through the decision I've made.

I'm not concerned about whether or not she'll be supportive or approve of my decisions, I value her perspective and objectivity as I verbally process through the various aspects of making my decisions.

I find that I make my best decisions with counsel from others, I feel like it gives me a broader perspective and that I often gain insight and knowledge that assists me in making decisions.

My struggle is because of the long term commitment impact of these decisions.

 

[Suzetig]

I do talk to others and seek advice or support - but from the people who are actually in my life and know me.

My T is fantastic, we have a lovely relationship and I value her judgement but if I had to make a decision and didn't have time to see her, I'd make the best decision I could. I may talk to her after the fact about my concerns that I've got it wrong (because I do second guess myself all the time), but as an adult I need to be able to make major decisions, with potentially long term consequences, without relying on my T to guide me.

How would you usually make big decisions, before you had a T? Are there people you'd usually talk to, a process you follow etc?

 

[Freedomfighter]

Some people need the input from others. Do you have a confidant, a family member, a friend that may assist? Because sometimes when new situations arise one has to be able to depend on themselves too.

I think that is one huge factor of therapy too, to teach the victim that they are not the helpless victim anymore, not the helpless child anymore. To teach the victim that they are now an adult that does not have to believe in the lies of their tormentors anymore, that they now have the power to make such important decisions for themselves, that they are now strong enough to not be sidelined by criminals.

I know that is very important. Because due to my traumas in childhood and later in life I was often subjected to ridiculous lies, and guess what those lies where thrown at me for? To be subdued, to just go dance right into the arms of the bears and wolves.


Hahahahaha, a predator and ill meaning people will always try to confuse, will tell you the exact opposite of the truth, will attempt to make their unnatural ways your ways.

See, once you are strong enough to calmly think all of those decisions through you are actually acting as an adult.

That might seem really weird, but the predators in my past have always attempted to take away my independence, my beautiful natural understanding of the world, would love for me to believe in their lies.

Try to get used to it that one after another, the more decisions you are able to make for yourself the more independent and the stronger you will be.

I see many people who are leaning onto others at work and boy do they fall in with the wrong crowds. Those people they seek help and guidance from are so messed up and then they follow the advice from other messed up people..... you get the picture.

That is why you have to do your own research, hello internet, where people candidly will discuss mental and physical health issues and when you find such candid discussions then you can sort out for yourself what you have to do.

I have so often been able to research important factors online and every time it feels so good to be able to discuss such matters with people who are not afraid to discuss candidly and openly which decisions they make in their lives and then to also explain why such decisions are made.

We are not reliant on the people around us anymore, most of them, 99 percent are sooo messed up, I would never ever seek advice from people who don't know what they are talking about.

 

[Muted]

I agree @Freedomfighter and haven't discussed this with anyone else at work. I was able to talk with my Supporter/Sufferer about this more, but it only helps when he's in the right mindset. If he is, then it's a tremendous help.

I feel like I prepared for Phase 1 well with my therapist, but not for Phase 2. Phase 2 involves a lot more decisions that I wasn't expecting to be faced with immediately, nor was I expecting the response from Phase 1 that leads to Phase 2, if any of that makes sense at all.

I don't have a problem discerning which parts of advice fit right, sometimes I know immediately and sometimes I need to continue to gather more information. I guess my dilemna @Suzetig was not feeling like I had enough information or that I had verbally processed it enough to get it all straight in my head.

I tend to be more cautious about my decisions, because I'm aware that I am still currently working through trauma and I spent many years simply reacting and making decisions on impulse. Sometimes current stuff triggers past stuff and I have to sort through it the best I can.

As I have become more aware of my parts and have gotten to know them better, some decisions are more difficult. My goal is to hear all of my parts, but for my adult self to make the final major decisions. I also like to be prepared for meetings and I don't feel I have been able to fully prepare, but I'm just going to have to get through it.