failing your pet

[Nessa7]

I'm having a hard time responding because I feel like there is a big missing piece. Why not give him to someone that you don't know? You've explained that you don't know anyone that would take him in but not why you would not go to a shelter or rescue organization that you aren't familiar with.

Maybe it's an issue with shame? If you have a vet put D down, fewer people would be involved. You would not have to tell other people about how you feel you have failed your cat.

Maybe it has something to do with control? It might be that you feel like you have a lot of unanswered questions in your life and want a solution that is entirely knowable to you. If D is dead, you'll know what happened to him. Or maybe it brings back feelings of being entirely in someone else's control? If D goes to live with someone else, his fate would be entirely up to them. You wouldn't be able to do anything if something bad happened to him and that could remind you of something from your trauma.

Maybe it's an avoidance issue? Killing your cat doesn't seem like an obvious example of avoidance, but it would be quick and final. It might subconsciously seem like a way for you to not have to deal with everything that your cat has stirred up in you. It might also make picking the most drastic solution more appealing if it means that you won't have to invest more emotion and energy into the problem.

 

[knuckles]

I found MyPTSD about a year ago, and it has been a great comfort to read of the struggles, insights and healing of so many other people. So many light-bulb moments for me, when what others shared resonated within me. I just recently created an account, setting aside the fears that I have no right to be here, that my struggles are not valid enough, that I will not be welcome.

What a start...

I am thinking that maybe @Sandstone is on to something I hadn't thought about. That I somehow sought to raise your anger and have it directed at me. Big success if that was the case.

I have done some work, privately, trying to untangle what felt like a mess of mixed up emotions/reactions/symptoms. I found my way out of the black/white world I was stuck in, and found some different perspectives on the situation, which made significant difference.

I am not getting rid of D, one way or the other. Come Monday morning I am cancelling the vet appointment. I will work on setting up easy-to-find help/guidance for the next time I start to despair, to avoid getting this stuck again.

This is likely my last reply in this matter.

 

[ladee]

Congratulations for thinking this thru!!!!! and you DO deserve to be here. This can be your last comment on this thread, but I do hope to see you around the forum. The people here are very supportive, tho you may not have seen that in our comments.

I will speak for myself here. I was not judging YOU, I don't know you, I was judging the choice. Give yourself and us , a chance to start over. You did some great work with this. Be proud of that!! And so very happy that D will still be around. For some reason he is a 'teacher' for you, so that gives him a lot of worth!!!

Thank you for coming back and sharing. Maybe now we can get to know you and be present for you in a caring and less hostile way... sending you hugs if you accept. :hug:'s

 

[ILoveLife]

I have to confess I was judging you. I still am, not over it.

If you can promise us something, besides taking into account you have lives that depend on you, is to look at what's inside that made you want to take such drastic measures in the first place.
I mentioned on my diary that I've had the same problem and euthanasia never even occurred to me. I wonder why it did to you.
Food for thought if you're willing.

Therapy would be the best approach.

 

[TTC18]

I am not getting rid of D, one way or the other. Come Monday morning I am cancelling the vet appointment. I will work on setting up easy-to-find help/guidance for the next time I start to despair, to avoid getting this stuck again.

I'm really happy to hear this. If you start a diary, please feel free to tag me. I don't know everything in the world about cats, but I'll help as much as I can, if I can. I don't think there are private messages here, or I'd offer that. I do understand about that despair, and I'm glad you've pushed through. If I knew where you were, I'd take D for a weekend to give you some rest!! Those Siamese kitties - they're SO loving, but oh so demanding, they can tire you right out.

 

[Leonieone]

Dear knuckles, my viewpoint is that most responders to your dilemma are over complicating the problem, by giving you their definition of right and wrong. Of course, nobody likes to euthanase a pet, at any time in their life. What disturbs me is that there are a whole bunch of people who are being moralistic with you, in saying that it’s wrong to euthanase Mr D. My viewpoint is, that whatever feels right for you, is the right thing to do. I think it is natural to feel unable to cope with a cat who pees in the house all day long. You mentioned that you have already looked into the problem, by having your vet perform various tests. By the sounds of it, you are an extremely responsible pet owner, who provides plenty of healthy choices for your animals eg multiple litter boxes in appropriate places. I believe that any pet behaviouralist will tell you that Mr D is not happy about the pecking order in some way, and part of that, he wants more attention. To be able to make a cat perfectly happy in a household of multiple cats (and people) is probably one of the hardest tasks to achieve. You are up to your eyeballs in urine, and have a full time job just keeping your home from turning into a toilet.
Yes, there are options in this situation, however I would NOT judge you one single iota, if you asked your vet to euthanase the cat. It’s entirely your choice, and no one has the right to pass judgement on you. There is no right or wrong in your case. You are a good and exceptional person, who is just trying to stay sane. Lots of love to you, Leonieone

Dear Knuckles, I just want to say that I am not an animal hater, nor am I ambivalent towards animals. I love animals more than humans and I cry uncontrollably over the mistreatment of animals. If I was rich I would spend all my money on saving abused animals all over the world. All animals fill me with joy, and I hope that one day animals evolve enough to be able to fight their oppressors. We, as their carers sometimes have to make a decision that is hard. If we don’t, we risk compromising our physical and mental health. If we are not happy, how can we keep our pets happy ??

 

[ILoveLife]

fight their oppressors

You know what's oppression?
Taking the life of someone or some animal because WE can't deal with their normal and solvable behavior.

And you're damn right I'm going to judge and condone anyone, good or bad intention behind it, who euthanizes an animal when the animal is not suffering with a painful already terminal illness. Particularly, I'm judging the action, not the person. I don't know knuckles, they might be a great person who is very confused. But it was very worrisome to provide solutions and be ignored about them.

I'm judging you too. Turns out I figured I'm a judgemental person when it comes to this subject. I can live with that.