Family breaking down the more I heal.

[Marvel545]

I got diagnosed with PTSD late last year & at the time I was so confused I didn't really get why. I ran away from my T for 6 months, but since June I've really been trying hard to understand my issues & sort them out.

The more I do this, the further I seem to be away from my family. Basically, My Dad was out with my Uncle yesterday & he told my Dad that him & my Mom were subject to horrendous physical & emotional abuse as children from my Grandparents. I seem to remember being terrified of misbehaving of a kid, I know we lived with my Grandparents for a period & we were heavily reliant on my Grandparents as my Mom was severely disabled & my Dad had to work. My Grandparents pretty much raised me, I feel dread & I have a vision in my head of me cowering. I can't remember them being abusive to me though.

I just feel as though the further I explore myself, the angrier I get with family. The further I want to be away from them. I feel as though that's probably a good thing, but a big part of me still wants love from them.

My Grandparents usually come round on a Sunday when our local team is on TV. This is happening this Sunday & I don't know what to do? Any advice?

 

[blackemerald1]

I feel dread & I have a vision in my head of me cowering. I can't remember them being abusive to me though.

^^It might take much longer to work through why you have that vision and it may never become anything more. Sometimes we never fully recover memories and that's okay too. It may be likely that you were not abused either.

I just feel as though the further I explore myself, the angrier I get with family.

^^I'd suggest you work this through with your T because anger is a normal emotion but handle it with care.

Feeling anger towards people who have abused your father, whom you love, seems to me to be a very logical way to feel. I don't blame you at all.

Have you connected with your father and told him how you feel about what happened to him?

 

[Marvel545]

^^It might take much longer to work through why you have that vision and it may never become anything more. Sometimes we never fully recover memories and that's okay too. It may be likely that you were not abused either.

I was heavily physically bullied for a pretty prolonged period, so it is more likely that I'm remembering that.

Feeling anger towards people who have abused your father, whom you love, seems to me to be a very logical way to feel. I don't blame you at all.

Have you connected with your father and told him how you feel about what happened to him?

It's my Mom who was abused, which I think makes it harder for me, as she died. Having discussed this with my Dad, he's actually relieved he has the full story. I'm going to talk to my Uncle about it this coming Sunday.