Hydrotroop91
Bronze Member
Sorry I been away for so long. Had some family issues come up with people in the hospital, school issues, working over time to pay rent, and family fights. Due to this I wasn't able to get my cards out. I feel horrible to everyone here. The big issue was over Christmas for me.
My mom some how figured out that I am a lesbian. On the 23rd she and my step dad gave me a 90min intervention about it at 11pm at night. I had just been working all day and driving there. I was exhausted. I had an anxiety attack. Had issues with breathing, shaking, talking, thinking, and focusing. All I wanted to do was bolt! Besides all of that they pushed me through. Said I needed to get a new church since they're not pushing from being gay. And a new therapist since they haven't convinced me either that it is wrong. Said it could be because of the assault and my relationship going south with my ex fiancé. They threw bible verses at me and how it wouldn't be condoned. The worst part was when they tried to pray the gay away at the end. And prayed that I find a good Christian man.
I was outed to the rest of my family. Made Christmas so tough that I left on the 25th to go home to my apartment. They have been very toxic my entire life and told people about my ptsd and assault without my consent leaving people blindsiding me with questions that I wasn't prepared for.
So I decided that it was time to let it go. I cut my family out of my life and blocked them from contacting me. It hurts a lot and I wish it couldn't be this way. But I have no relationship with my mother and have been trying to be what everyone else says I need to be instead of myself. I've been much happier since finding out that I really like girls and feel like me. It's nice to get away from their control. I know it hurts them too even if they won't admit it or show it and I pray that their pain isn't too much. I hope it opens their eyes. It's been under 2 weeks since leaving them on my pastor's and therapist's advice. I feel like a bad kid because that's how I've felt my whole life with them because I am not good enough for them. I know in time that this is right and that I will heal and be able to grow much more since I am no longer caged or on their leash. I will keep in touch with my grandmother she was cool with it all.
I have a great support group from my church where I go to school and an amazing girlfriend who spent the rest of the holidays with me until I was better and more stable to live on my own. I've been working everyday all day and going to bed so not much me time. I hope the semester will go better this time and I will be better now that the toxic people are out of my life.
My mom some how figured out that I am a lesbian. On the 23rd she and my step dad gave me a 90min intervention about it at 11pm at night. I had just been working all day and driving there. I was exhausted. I had an anxiety attack. Had issues with breathing, shaking, talking, thinking, and focusing. All I wanted to do was bolt! Besides all of that they pushed me through. Said I needed to get a new church since they're not pushing from being gay. And a new therapist since they haven't convinced me either that it is wrong. Said it could be because of the assault and my relationship going south with my ex fiancé. They threw bible verses at me and how it wouldn't be condoned. The worst part was when they tried to pray the gay away at the end. And prayed that I find a good Christian man.
I was outed to the rest of my family. Made Christmas so tough that I left on the 25th to go home to my apartment. They have been very toxic my entire life and told people about my ptsd and assault without my consent leaving people blindsiding me with questions that I wasn't prepared for.
So I decided that it was time to let it go. I cut my family out of my life and blocked them from contacting me. It hurts a lot and I wish it couldn't be this way. But I have no relationship with my mother and have been trying to be what everyone else says I need to be instead of myself. I've been much happier since finding out that I really like girls and feel like me. It's nice to get away from their control. I know it hurts them too even if they won't admit it or show it and I pray that their pain isn't too much. I hope it opens their eyes. It's been under 2 weeks since leaving them on my pastor's and therapist's advice. I feel like a bad kid because that's how I've felt my whole life with them because I am not good enough for them. I know in time that this is right and that I will heal and be able to grow much more since I am no longer caged or on their leash. I will keep in touch with my grandmother she was cool with it all.
I have a great support group from my church where I go to school and an amazing girlfriend who spent the rest of the holidays with me until I was better and more stable to live on my own. I've been working everyday all day and going to bed so not much me time. I hope the semester will go better this time and I will be better now that the toxic people are out of my life.
