Family Of Friend Hates Me

[Mallaky]

Hello. I am gay and live with my amazing boyfriend for 6 years now. His family is very conventional (no that's not the right word, hmm. they like old fashioned values and such) so they had hard time adjusting with that.

Than he moved to me and it was clear immediately that his family didn't like me. Lots of passive aggressive behavior. Because I am 26 and barely surviving at the moment, not earning money, they think I am a parasite and bad for him and a loser.

Now they get kinda pushy for me to come to family festivities, so they can pretend happy family and stuff, but I cant. Also, there is so much wrong in that family, his mother and father are both drug addicted and it makes me insane to just see all this insanity going on and not doing anything. Hard not to care. They do not treat him good at all, and hes kind of a pushover to them, he loves them. Its such a difficult situation. In some things my boyfriend is kind of an oaf and the last time I saw him with his family they insulted him indirectly, but he thinks I was overinterprating.

Sometimes I get anxious just hearing their names, its an awful situation.

Anybody else is/was in difficult situation like that?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am sorry you are in the situation. I am sure someone here can relate to you. It's hard being in a place where you don't feel as safe as you could be.

 

[heidi]

No, I'm not. But that would certainly play on my insecurities.

 

[BloomInWinter]

They don't have to like you or approve of you. Nor are you obligated to spend any time or effort with people you don't care for. Simply decline their invitations without apology. "No thank you. But it was kind and thoughtful of you to invite me."

If they ask why, be direct. "That's just not my cup of tea, thanks." You owe no explanation as to why. Your time is yours.

 

[The Albatross]

I think it is probably helpful to separate the stuff in the initial post. The loyalty for your boyfriends family is your boyfriend. If they do not view you as contributing, they can express that though it would be better done independent of you. Your boyfriends family is his responsibility.

Whether or not you are contributing to your relationship with your partner is your own responsibility.

It is one thing to recognize another's shortcomings "passive aggressive - drug addicted" but keep in mine that being in relationship with the boyfriend means either boundary setting on "family" events or not. It is up to you and is best handled with your partner.

Interestingly it "makes you insane to see all this going on and not doing anything". But that is a distraction, what are you doing? "I am 26 and barely surviving at the moment, not earning money..."

Facade or no, you are getting a ring side seat to a family that has problems but cares enough to attempt gatherings. Is it warm and fuzzy or particularly healthy? Um, no not by your description... but are you?

What can you do, by way of self improvement, that you would be willing to commit to in order to if not meet this family half way, support your partner?

 

[blackemerald1]

I agree with @The Albatross, seperate the issues. Some lay on your shoulders, others on your partners and his relationship with family.

Does not sound like much of a family by the way with them being druggies, why would anyone go to some festivity where that is the main stay of the event? But then you say "They like old fashioned values" Hmm food for thought there.

You need to talk to your partner about your thoughts and his. If he is going to be a life partner you'd bettter get moving on it.

Plenty of people don't mix with their partner's family for all sorts of reasonS.

Just sort with you partner so he knows where you are at.

 

[Mallaky]

Erm, I made this thread two years ago. It is really not a topic for me anymore. But thanks :D :D :D :D :D :D

 

[blackemerald1]

Sorry @Mallaky I was sure I pressed "new threads/posts or something...I know I must have pressed something :oops: Glad you are over it, anyway.
Cheers