Fantasies about being injured

[Daydreamer]

Hi

I'm coming here with a strange problem. I wanna just say upfront that I am not suicidal, I do not want or plan on hurting myself either.
But lately I've been having some thoughts/fantasies that make me worry.
In those fantasies I am being severely injured with a weapon. So for instance I picture myself getting shot in the head. Or when I see a sharp object I get a picture in my head of that object crushing my skull.
I don't have much control over initiating them, they just pop up in my head.
And what worries me, is that they make me feel better, I feel some tension going away from my body after that for a short moment.

I don't really have a question here, just would like to know if that happens to some of you, and does it sound strange or alarming.

Backround info: my trauma is childhood sexual abuse, not violent, I never experienced sever injuries like those from my fantasies.

Thanks for any help you can offer.

 

[CaraG]

You aren't the only one. I used to fall asleep thinking about those type of things. So I guess it did relax me. I don't have them as often. I don't use it to fall asleep anymore. Do you have a therapist? I would reach out to them.

 

[Daydreamer]

Thanks @CaraG for sharing. I'm glad it's not a frequent thing for you.
For me they come in waves, so sometimes I get them often and then they go away.
I do have a therapist and I've been thinking about bringing it up, I guess I'll just do it next time.

 

[Still Standing]

Just a thought here...could it be a subconscious way of punishing yourself? I used to cut myself and take blunt objects and hit them on my face until I was bruised, when I was in my teens, which was eons ago. I acted out my self-punishment, maybe you are doing that in a more safe manner? Interesting to know what your T says about this.

 

[Daydreamer]

I guess it could be something like it.
I never did selfharm in real life, maybe it's acting out in my head.
I'll let you know what T says.
Thanks @Still Standing, it's good you're past that.

 

[Eagle3]

I had something similar going on all the time growing up. I would fantasize about being severely injured, then having some authority figure take care of me and nurse me back to health. I was always a homeless orphan male (biologically I'm female, but recently accepted the fact that I'm transsexual), and always an outsider from my "peers"; smarter, more mature, a bit moody, but always hurt in a way that benefited others in some way. I'd always fall asleep running through these fantasies, and they were so calming.

I realized recently (and after a LOT of therapy!) that there were several issues being played out in these fantasies. One was the religious brainwashing I was under. Another was the fact that I did not have any memories or mental images of being healthfully taken care of. Yet another was the internal angst of feeling so alone and ostracized in my real world. There are probably more, but I haven't explored these very much.

After some rather unpleasant physiological side effects of sort of "acting out" some mild aspects of these fantasies, I stopped doing it so much. I don't need to anymore, now that I have healthier fantasies that have replaced the unhealthy ones. Also, instead of being so afraid of my own fantasies, I embraced them for what they are....my subconscious working things out, sort of like a dream while I'm awake. Now that my therapist has given me better mental images, ones of healthy soothing and real care, I don't need to engage in the unhealthy fantasies anymore. They were never abnormal or weird, but they were unhealthy (understandably so!)

Definitely talk to your T about it, that's what they're there for!