Death Fb/death

[simplysawa]

I had a terrible flashback maybe a month or so ago and my anxiety has been so much worse ever since, it comes and goes but when it comes im not sure what to do with myself. I almost thought i wouldnt ever have visual flashbacks because i think it only happened once before and it was super fragmented like i looked at my dog and where his normal dog genitalia would be was a large erect human penis and i know i wasnt talking about my abuse so im not sure what triggered it. But recently i was talking with a friend i feel pretty comfterble with about a situation i feel i was exposed to, like the who narative is in my head or body ,i just dont have visual memory, so while im doing that, its like im suddenly in a barn with hay, and a blonde boy next to me but someone killed him, i felt the absolute terror and froze ,but my eyes were blinking rapidly and uncontrollably, it was so vivid, its hard to place my emotions, its mostly fear, the guy who did my intake appointment thinks its maybe a metaphore, sadly i dont think so, it felt very real and i jsut dont know what to do with this, people dont know what to say, but cant really blame them ,i hardley know what to say, just that im having a hard time believeing what i saw

 

[Deleted member 33052]

May I ask if you're in therapy? This seems like something you might want to discuss with a therapist, or a doctor or psychiatrist, if you're on meds...

 

[simplysawa]

Not really on meds just pain meds and a few vitamins, i just started therapy so ive only had one appointment, did my best to sum up things but really cant on why im there. Going again tomorow, really dont want to, but i guess i have to, i dont know what to expext ,just hoping the effort im making can at least help me get back into my own small appartment , i dont even feel comfterble trying to get what i need to done wherr i am right now, just so mad, this guy spends all tHs time trying to convince me he will help or whatnot, but it doesnt seem like that, feels like he just said all that to keep me around but now that its work for him he wants me gone, frustrated too cause these counsalers or case managers are barely helping , tired of people not listening, these support groups seem to be the only places i can find anyone to actually read what is going on, and im frustrated cause im so scattered , there is just too much on my mind bothering me worrying me, and people juduging and making assumptions doesnt make it easier, just makes me want to snap, but i cant even be honest about that cause they might think im dangerous and lock me up somewhere, ugh