Fear And Feeling Safe

[Casey_03]

I am curious about a symptom I have and want to hear everyone else's experiences with this. Whenever I used to hear people talk about "feeling safe" in the context of PTSD, for some reason I always thought of physical safety, and that the fear was of violence. But lately I often feel extreme fear of almost anything negative - being criticized, being accused of something, confrontation of any kind. A few days ago, my roommate randomly accused me of stealing his milk (I hadn't), and it triggered panic attacks. I sat in the corner for a long time rocking back and forth and muttering "Please don't hurt me." This symptom is very new to me, so I'm just wondering if it's normal. I've always had that response to violence, but never to anything as innocent as an accusation over stolen milk. Does this happen to you guys as well? I also often feel that being safe means being completely isolated; I have irrational fears that if I'm around other people, they might grow angry with me over something or I might do something to upset them and trigger confrontation. Not sure if this is PTSD or just major anxiety?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I know how you feel, and sending hugs your way! I am similar in many ways.

I get really really depressed to any criticizing and within moments any sense of self worth is completely gone. I panic whenever accused of anything. When I lose feeling of self worth I dissociate. Well, I don't think I explained well enough for outsider, but I think you will underdtand what I mean.

Thank you for readig

 

[Deleted member 28986]

Yes, that happens to me.

Most of my triggers are not about the DIRECT threat of physical violence. Rather, many of my triggers involve another person's misunderstanding, which could lead to violence.

I can see feeling unsafe after a roommate accused me of stealing milk. In my past traumatic experiences, misunderstandings often led to my abusers' anger, followed by physical or emotional violence.

If my roommate accused me of stealing milk, I would be afraid:
• What if my roommate is angry? Anger can sometimes feel just as hurtful to me as physical violence.
• My roommate won't want to live with me.
• My roommate doesn't trust me.
• My roommate might plan revenge.
• I might have to find a new home.

My therapist says it's plain and simple hypervigilance when I pay TONS of attention to others' tones of voice, words, and possible implications. If I feel something is wrong in the conversation, my body reacts like I'm in the room with a hungry lion. It's a (formerly) adaptive way to scout out danger before I get hurt.

I don't think it's weird to feel afraid in your situation. Big hugs.

 

[Deleted member 28986]

Expounding on this, it is such a horrible thing when I MISREAD anger in others' voices.

It leads to so much pain for all parties involved when I get upset when there's nothing to be upset about. They might tell me they're not angry, yet my body tells me they ARE angry. Sometimes I have to trust them and try to override my very strong gut reaction. But that's like moving a mountain, and frankly, I often can't do it.

I'm so into scouting out danger that I get a lot of false positives, so to speak. But I guess everyone's triggers could be considered false positives when you think about it...

 

[ShadowSolace]

I feel this pretty much to a T, especially in school. I try to not stand out much at all, and I'm constantly hyper-vigilant and trying not to provoke anyone. From the moment I step in, to the moment I get home, my body remains in what I like to call "You're in f-cking danger" mode. Even when I get home I need to sort of come down from my day and I feel absolutely drained. Since PTSD is more often than not linked to a traumatic event or even an instance where there was severe psychological damage. I would talk to a professional for sure if you can, but it could be either PTSD or another anxiety disorder. It takes a lot out of you to feel like this and I hope things become easier soon xx

 

[sun seeker]

Yes, I am the same way. No, it's not normal; nothing about PTSD is normal! I don't know whether it is a common symptom or not, but when I talk about feeling safe (which I never really do) it isn't usually about physical safety, at least directly. @The One Who Knocks has made some brilliant points about the train of thought that can come from another person's relatively benign comments. I wouldn't have been able to articulate it this well but yes, for me the process is similar.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

@Casey_03 .. Hi :) May I ask a personal question? In fact, anyone who'd like to answer could help me if they see this and would like to response.

Is there any comforting way a trusted loved one could approach you when you're in that state (rocking back and forth, saying "please don't hurt me", et al) without causing further fear or mistrust? Would it make the trauma of the moment worse?

I still haven't found the best way to approach my man when he's having a panic attack - I have resorted to backing off and letting him come back to the present on his own. How best to show love and reassurance?

~S2B

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

@carmenstarlet .. PS to my above, my man can get so exhausted from "clicking out" (what he calls it) that it can take him 2-3 MISERABLE days to come back to himself. He is exhausted, can't talk, needs to just rest.

We try to treat it like he just caught a bad flu, and I try to handle more like a "nurse" and take care of things around him as I am able. We don't live together, so sometimes that just means me reassuring him that it's ok if he doesn't feel like talking on the phone tonight, we can wait to pick back up when he's feeling better.

I want to build as much of a caring environment around him as possible, and learn to be content when it ISN'T possible. He never "expects" me to accommodate, but he seems to feel ashamed when he needs time to recover, and I wanna lessen that for him as much as possible. .. I'm glad to hear any thoughts you (or anyone else) might wanna add. :)

 

[ButterflyBean]

@ptsdspouse2b – I don't have any great answers for you, because I tend to just ride it out, and everyone is different. However, I would suggest asking him what the best way to comfort him would be, as only he would know. I would also suggest posting your question above in the forum called "anxiety and panic attacks" or somewhere in the supporter section relating to relationships. You might get more responses that way. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Casey_03]

ptsdspouse2b - It's hard to say, really. I've had certain instances when it helped if a friend approached and they sort of brought me back and out of the panic. But there have been other times when it just made me panic even more. I think it really depends on the severity of the episode and what triggered it. If it was triggered by an external source (a stranger or someone i'm not close to), then it would definitely help if a loved one tried to calm me down. If it was triggered by an argument/conversation/incident with a loved one, however, (and sometimes there can be triggers that you're not even aware of, that might seem innocuous to you but scary to him), that loved one approaching would only make it worse. Hope that helps somewhat.

 

[holdenmonty]

Casey, you are definitely not alone in this. For me it's the fear of the unknown because in my trauma the unknown meant that there was a possible threat and attacks were always random and unknown so for me if I'm going into something new or don't know the situation and haven't mentally prepared myself for just about anything then I get really anxious and panic and fear. Also I have had to do so much work to stop myself from beating myself up and calling myself crazy that if one of my issues comes to the knowledge of somebody else and they treat me differently then I feel like they think that I'm crazy and then I start to beat myself up and call myself crazy. Such as when I go to my therapy appointments I tell my co workers that I'm going to a medical appointment but I can feel their eyes on me as I'm leaving to my "medical appointment" and then I wonder if they think I'm crazy for having so many medical appointments. Luckily I have found true safety and the local wounded warrior project office. I feel physically safe because at the front door they have to push a button to unlock the door and there is zero judgment, and they are genuinely glad when I come by and hang out in the area that they have to hang out and just talk to some of the people that work there.

I would say try to find someplace where you feel no judgment and you feel physically safe. I think I go to the place I go to about once a week and I spend about half an hour there. I also really enjoy coming to the forums because there is also zero judgment on here as well.

 

[NRJensen]

@ptsdspouse2b , I Would Like to Commend You for Your Concern and Patience with Your Fiancé. I Wish I Had a Friend Like You in My Life. The Few People in My Life that I had Believed to Have Loved Me & Cared About Me (including my own mother) ~
Basically Turned & Ran the Opposite Direction and / or Became Terribly Cruel & More Abusive Towards Me. Adding More Fuel to My Complex-PTSD Fire. I Am Aware that Watching a Loved One Spiral into a Dark Hell Must be a Painful and Helpless Thing to Watch. But if Just One Person Would have Shown Me Any Compasionate Support, I Feel Like I May Not have Spiraled So Far Down this Nightmare that I Call "My Life" Today. You Sound Like a Very Nice Person. I Hope Your Fiancé is in Trauma Therapy & Wish You both the Best.