Relationship Fear Of Abandonment Vs. Poor Communication

[Chris516]

I am having trouble with this mentally. Because I have been turning it over in my head.

If someone with PTSD has a fear abandonment. How can they fear abandonment, if they don't communicate?

 

[anonymous]

Sounds like you're assuming the person can choose one over the other?

 

[Chris516]

Trying not to be assuming.

 

[anonymous]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're asking then. It sounds like you're saying that if someone fears abandonment then why don't they communicate better. I don't think it's as simple as that. It sounds like you think it's a choice. Sometimes it's not. Who would choose to be a poor communicator?

I'm a sufferer by the way not a supporter, so should probably butt out ;)

 

[macca]

Just a thought, but sometimes it's tied up with the experiences as a kid. If they had abandonment experiences as a kid, and were not listened to or taken seriously, they might unconsciously not speak because as a child it was useless. Or maybe speaking up as a child meant coming to harm. Sometimes I do things that are completely without logic, due to the PTSD driving my emotions. I have a Masters degree, but thinking is hard to access at these times.

 

[Chris516]

anonymous, I think you pegged it. I also found a post from three years ago, by 'ISupportHer', that the pulling away can actually be interpreted as a form of love.

I guess where I have a problem with the poor communication, is that it doesn't allow the PTSD Sufferer to realize how much they are loved.

Because I did read about PTSD being a lifetime battle.

 

[scout86]

If the PTSD way of approaching the world actually WORKED, no one would be trying to treat it. The part of the brain that's involved with PTSD isn't the rational part of the brain. When it's running the show, you aren't always going to get rational behaviors. At least not behaviors that seem rational from the outside.

 

[Chris516]

macca, Great input!!! You also gave me a lot to think about, thank you.

 

[Barconian]

If someone has a strong fear of abandonment... That same person could have the same fear of communicating! They don't trust their own words for argument sake, but still need to feel loved.

 

[Chris516]

Barconian, Thank you for the input.:happy:

Scout86, Thank you for your points.:happy:

 

[Al_Lurker]

If someone has a strong fear of abandonment... That same person could have the same fear of communicating! They don't trust their own words for argument sake, but still need to feel loved.

I've seen this first hand and it tore my relationship apart. She couldn't talk about her experiences because it was too painful and had been abandoned in every previous relationship. I can't tell you how to do it because I failed in my attempt, might have gone better if I'd found this place first... I would push the issue far softer if I had it to do over again. Given her more time and space to talk to me without taking her silences as personal.

 

[Chris516]

Al, I am thinking about that. I won't push her hard. At least for now, I will give her more time.