Fear Of Loosing Touch With Reality; Having The Courage To Open Up.

[billie]

Hey all. I am struggling with opening up to my T about childhood trauma. What grounding techniques do you use when you need to talk? I have had sucess with other traumas with my T, but because this is my "true horror" I used to disocsociate as a safe place.

The horror continued for a year where I also witnessed other children being abused. It sends my hairs standing on end just writing this. I dont want to be inpatient, but I know my T and my Dr have no choice if I get worse than I already am.

Ahh, I want to break this silence I just need the courage. I would love to get some ideas how to keep myself grounded. My T makes sure I focus on her to prevent dissociation, but I feel such shame.

 

[digger]

Perhaps start by explaining what you have here? Talk about your fears of opening up about it so you can work on a plan with her to make it easier.

 

[billie]

Perhaps start by explaining what you have here?.

Thanks for the suggestion Digger1. Do you mean show what I wrote? It is hard because it feels like the trauma has become a part of me for so long that by opening up I am cutting off a limb. I think it is because of the brainwashing and rewiring.

 

[digger]

You could show her what you wrote if that's easiest. I quite often have to write stuff down instead of saying it. Mostly I just meant to discuss your fears with her about opening up about some of the things in your past and how difficult you are finding that.

 

[billie]

I have told her of my fear to speak, she is very supportive and we have a strong professional relationship. I fully trust her, I have wrote stuff in the past, but this has such power I cannot even write it down. Sucks :(

 

[digger]

I get that, and yeah, it does suck. Do you think you would be able to share your first post on this thread here with her?

 

[Loner]

Maybe first just try writing it down on a piece of paper, which you will show no one and promptly tear up or burn. Or maybe just saying it aloud to yourself when no one is home? It might be useful to also include something like, 'and someday I will share this when I am ready' If you can't do that, perhaps just write down your thoughts and feelings on the matter referring to the thing as 'it' or something.

Just a thought.

 

[BloomInWinter]

In those first difficult shares, think of sharing just the "headlines" but not the details. That is plenty of exposure at first and will help you both chart out what you want your recovery to look like.

It gets easier. Truly. Hang in there.

 

[Loner]

I wanted to add something to what I said before. Just take a step. Doesn't need to be a huge step, just keep taking steps in the right direction. Keep sharing a bit more and more and doing things that are a bit outside your comfort zone and it will get easier, eventually you'll get there. Just make a habit out of choosing to be brave.

 

[billie]

Thanks guys I really want to get the ball rolling but I can't get the words out. My session is tomorrow and I really want to start it off. :(

 

[Loner]

You'll get there, I'm pretty sure about it. Don't be too hard on yourself about not getting it done quick enough. Life is short but its not THAT short. Like I said, just keep moving in the right direction.

 

[Justmehere]

In the past, to ground in a session, I sometimes hold a cup of ice, or a cup of warm tea. I have even brought one of those "blue ice" things or even a thermos mug of tea, and just notice mindfully the tea...

In the past, to stop me from dissociating, I would even get up and take a break and walk around the block and come back. It just took a minute, but it helped a lot. Sometimes I will bring something that has a strong smell and notice that during the session.Sometimes I would bring sour candy, the strong sensation was oddly grounding for me.

also do things before session and outside of session, and I still do them now even though I do not dissociate so much anymore I do lots of grounding and safe place things outside of session when I am not triggered to make them really easy to do in session.

Now my T remarks about how quickly I can ground - and it's not so much because I am good at grounding, but because my body remembers oh, when I hold this cup of tea, or talk about this favorite safe place I have, my body has an automatic sort of association to being calmer because I have done it when I have been calm. It is sort of a Pavlov effect...

I also work on reminding myself cognitively that "something in my present is reminding me of something in my past but I am safe now" and that can help stop me form dissociating too.

If you are trying to avoid being inpatient, sounds like you are needing to be more... as my T would say, "regulated" overall? more stable? less PTSD symptoms? I know the feeling, the pressure, to break the silence, the secrets... I can tell you what my T told me - sometimes you have to slow down in order to move forward faster, sometimes just the act of slowing down is healing. I learned that lesson the hard way (and I am still learning it).