Fear Of Touch Anyone?

[Philippa]

Ah sorry, I meant simply being touched. (Confusion was probably my fault. I post late into the night when I'm tired lol)

What I meant was: I want a hug. The idea of it seems really comforting. But despite wanting it, being hugged causes me a great deal of physical and mental distress.

Ah, ok. Thanks.

Actually, this seems to be how I am lately too. I invited one man over, as I think I mentioned, but after we were in bed hugging and spooning (lying up against each other with our bodies 'spooned' in a tight fit.) I wanted him to leave.

It felt odd, and then when he left I was like "Where are you going?" in my head, and I was almost in agony from having that warmth and loving feeling from him taken away from me. It took about 15 minutes to get back to feeling ok about being alone again...but in those 15 minutes I have never felt so alone.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Glad to know you are feeling good here and supported. :)

Thank you Jaret. I really do feel like this is a good safe place. You've all been so kind and helpful with your input, it's really helped get me out of the circular thinking patterns I've been stuck in.

I hope you've found as much help and support here!

 

[Tanishq]

Yes, Phoenix. I do feel supported here. It's nice to have places like where you can get guidance and warm support. :happy:

 

[AngelaMarie]

It's so strange... in three sentences you've just explained what I've been trying to express in the past 20+ messages.

I'll send along something Intothelight sent me; A really nice and safe virtual hug <(^.^<)

It's so nice to know we are not alone!! :) Thanks for the message!

 

[99Phoenix99]

I am also having nerve pain now due to injuries I sustained in my car crash so not only is touch uncomfortable psychologically but physically as well. As a result I don't get out a lot and feel more isolated. I can't even think of dating right now.

I feel for you txtrace, there are some days when the nerve pain is semi manageable and there are other days when the pain is so all consuming that it not only triggers other phsyical pain but it really hits the psychological a lot harder than expected.

I actually found a meme online that I really related to, and you might as well. The phrase went like so: "I don't go out because I don't feel well. I don't feel well because I don't go out." And it's a never ending loop. One I've been stuck in for a long time.

And I've been keeping that in mind a lot lately. I've isolated myself for various reasons for a very long time, but I want to try to break myself away from that. It may sound ridiculous but I find it helpful to get dressed and ready to go out, even if I don't have anywhere to go. It's a small thing that makes me feel better about myself and when I do that I feel a little bit more up to going out. And by going out I mean just going to a movie theater or dinner with a friend. Nothing special, but a change of scenery really helps.

Heck sometimes I'll get all decked out just to go to Barnes and Noble and spend a day there by myself. And even though the only person I talked to all day was the cashier... it really helps ease the feeling of isolation for me. No one touched me or got near my personal space, but I still was "out there" in the world if you will.

Although, I will admit there are some days I can't even tell what's worse. My anxiety of people trying to touch me or the physical pain I'm in. It's so hard to differentiate between the two at times.

 

[99Phoenix99]

I have also been told I am very cold and withdrawn.

In general I find it very hard to be warm, it just doesn't seem natural to me. When I go out and see other couples interacting, I do get jealous sometimes. I wish I could have that, but I know I never will.

I'm just going on a hunch here because what you've written really resounded with me. Do you find yourself capable of being pleasant with others when conversation and mood is platonic and completely work oriented? But as soon as it becomes personal you instantly become gaurded? That's what happens with me. I refuse to go into the personal and because of that I come off as very cold.

When I was dating, the whole event was unnatural to me. I'm used to nothing but cold clinical attention. That's all I've recieved and that's all I know how to give. So when we tried to do the couple thing... it just really messed me up. I wanted it. I tried to get it. But I just couldn't enjoy it.

 

[Tanishq]

I actually found a meme online that I really related to, and you might as well. The phrase went like so: "I don't go out because I don't feel well. I don't feel well because I don't go out." And it's a never ending loop. One I've been stuck in for a long time.

I am also trying to break this loop. I have the same problem. But it doesn't occur anywhere. It just happens when I am on the way to college. Dangerous one and immediately throws me mentally paralyzed. I don't know what to do next moment and I end up not going at college.

 

[Tanishq]

The phrase went like so: "I don't go out because I don't feel well. I don't feel well because I don't go out." And it's a never ending loop. One I've been stuck in for a long time.

Phoenix, if you don't mind. I would like to create separate thread and get to know about this solution.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Here is a safe virtual (((Hug)))

Deb,

Thank you so much for your message. A few people have mentioned desensitization/exposure therapy and I think with most everyone in consensus I'll look into it. Have you had this kind of therapy before? I'm not really sure what it is I should be expecting.

I'm very happy that you can enjoy intimacy and affection again. I hope one day I'll be able achieve that as well.

Also, your virtual hug was quite possibly the nicest hug I've had in a long time ^.^ *hug*

Thank you. Your message really did brighten my day.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Phoenix, if you don't mind. I would like to create separate thread and get to know about this solution.

Sure that'd be fine with me :D

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you Phoenix. :)

 

[Anna]

Do you find yourself capable of being pleasant with others when conversation and mood is platonic and completely work oriented? But as soon as it becomes personal you instantly become gaurded?

Yes, I do not like talking much about the past. I can make small chit chat about my family or what I am doing at the weekend, but nothing personal. I never or very rarely ever speak about my past. If people get too close I tend to back off and keep away from them.