Thisvolcanolovesyou
Not Active
I’ve recently been owning the fact it’s a wound of mine that I was brought up in a household that did not include physical affection. I’ve understood the “why” and also had seen the positive in it, I rarely get urges for affection because it’s that unfamiliar to me.
At the same time, I feel “weird” and it has shown up in very negative ways how I try to partake in intimacy. Mostly, I’ve had to get drunk and would have reckless sex, which never actually felt like intimacy as much as a numb performance.
To be honest, I’m also very angry right now. I’m 40, alone (by choice, mostly) and just feel like this weirdo outsider in my head who doesn’t know how to connect with others.
The silver lining is I am back in therapy, started sharing my day photography on IG and do have a prospect of a new artist friend (or more) on the horizon.
I’m also sharing here because I can so quickly spiritual bypass and silver lining that I further suppress very real feelings that I need to process.
I am turned off by advice due to trauma around that (which brings me further into myself vs trusting I’m being seen/heard) and also wanted to share because this is my chosen space as I continue to navigate. Thanks for listening, hearing, seeing.
At the same time, I feel “weird” and it has shown up in very negative ways how I try to partake in intimacy. Mostly, I’ve had to get drunk and would have reckless sex, which never actually felt like intimacy as much as a numb performance.
To be honest, I’m also very angry right now. I’m 40, alone (by choice, mostly) and just feel like this weirdo outsider in my head who doesn’t know how to connect with others.
The silver lining is I am back in therapy, started sharing my day photography on IG and do have a prospect of a new artist friend (or more) on the horizon.
I’m also sharing here because I can so quickly spiritual bypass and silver lining that I further suppress very real feelings that I need to process.
I am turned off by advice due to trauma around that (which brings me further into myself vs trusting I’m being seen/heard) and also wanted to share because this is my chosen space as I continue to navigate. Thanks for listening, hearing, seeing.