Sufferer Feel Like I Haven't Been Through Enough To Be Here, But Here It Goes...

[UpTillDawn]

Hello everyone. It's been more than a year since the first event took place, and almost a year (Oct. 3 2013) since the second occurred.

I'm aware I'm not as bad as many others in here, just... if you guys are going to tell me to get out of here, please be nice about it? This is long, and I'm not sure about the etiquette here for 'triggering' posts or what-not, but yeah.

It wasn't life threatening, which I know is necessary, but well... I was diagnosed and I did feel my life was over (i.e had no future after this went on record, I'd die there, etc.)

For the first incident I was in a domestic dispute and police were called. The other person blamed it on me, and I was subjected to some pretty awful physical and emotional abuse (god I hate that word) bordering on sexual by the cops and then the hospital when I was being medically cleared. It was the first time I completely dissociated that badly to such a degree. I wish I had filed a complaint, to be honest. Or gotten a lawyer.

I moved, and for a while I was able to just dissociate most of the time, and self medicate to the point I couldn't do much but just lay there. I'd have panic attacks and nightmares and just complete breakdowns, but I remember little of it. In the fall I couldn't be bothered to eat and self-care was almost non-existent.

Due to medical issues I ended up admitted to hospital again, but was diagnosed with several things proper psychologists later denied. I spent many days there. It was just... no one would listen to a thing, I was harassed and berated, manipulated into signing over my life pretty much... It was to the point where I was actively suicidal (never had been before 1st experience) and did try near the middle of my 'stay' which led to a near-death experience.

I get that it isn't 'terrible.' So many people have been through a lot worse. I guess it's just... I mean, I'm diagnosed and stuff, so maybe it could be nice to talk a little here? Please don't be too harsh...

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Welcome to the MyPtsd family.

Wether it is a single trauma or multiple traumas by multiple abusers it really matters not. PTSD is after all an injury and this forum is very supportive of all members regardless.

Santa:hug:s if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Welcome. I am sorry that those things happened. I think there are many who feel that what we've been through is "not all that bad" compared to some others- I know I have been there and still return to that thinking sometimes. I have found a lot of great support on here and I hope you will find the same.

 

[Justmehere]

What you went through sounds awful! I'm really glad you are here reaching out for support.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi, and welcome.

I am not questioning your current trauma, as it sounds terrible! I am curious if you experienced anything earlier in life that could have been considered traumatic as I am wondering about your statement about that being the worst time you had ever dissociated. I question it as dissociation tends to be a learned thing in many of us, and you seem to have a history of it (unless I am misreading what you are saying.) That is, did you have something else happen to you earlier in life that could be contributing to your symptoms? Oftentimes people experience something that can be considered traumatic, but deny that it had any effect on them. Something traumatic may happen later in life, and then everything is blamed on the more current trauma(s), when in fact, the earlier experiences may have been just as damaging. Again, I'm not questioning your current traumas, as what you have been through seems pretty bad! I am just curious about your dissociation statement, that's all.

 

[purgemeofthepain]

I'm new here myself but I want to welcome you to the forum and say that to avoid comparing our trauma to other people's is mostly a good idea (at least for me), cause all that matters is how those events made you feel and affected you and not how they are viewed by others or how they "measure up" to other experiences. We are all different in our tolerance to pain and trauma and in our ability to cope, so what may pass as a "not-so-bad" experience for me that I recovered completely from, could literally destroy another person in many ways.

Best of luck and keep on posting!

 

[Mystery]

Hi and welcome, I'm pretty new here too. Just as the other members above have said, I don't think you will find people here will need you to have a life threatening event in order to find support and the kind of reflection you seek. Each person experiences traumatic events in totally different ways. What Solara has said about things earlier in your life is really relevant too. Sometimes those things we don't even remember, then along comes a traumatic experience that we react to as if it were life threatening.

It doesn't matter what you have been 'diagnosed' with when all is said and done, it's how you have experienced it and I'm sure you will find that this forum helps you to understand yourself and how the things that were terrible to you, have affected you. That's all that matters. It's not a club with members who 'qualify' in my opinion, this is a community of great people who support each other without judgement and take each other at face value. I'm so grateful that I found it.

 

[lmizutani]

I agree with the posts above. I'm relatively new to the forum myself but whether the trauma was over a long period of time or in a single incident (and yours sounds very bad too) does not negate the fact that you are suffering and you are welcome to this forum.

:hug:

 

[UpTillDawn]

@Solara

I grew up with a pretty dysfunctional family, so I've been mildly dissociating and hiding my feelings since I was younger. I would certainly say there's a history of it there.

 

[Mystery]

How are you feeling today, now that you have read all the above posts?:)

 

[UpTillDawn]

@Mystery

It's nice, honestly. I didn't think I'd get so many replies, or such kind ones. I must say, I'm not feeling quite so nervous about joining in here now. c: