Feeling aggressive

[EveHarrington]

You didn’t pen off the kitchen, so he walks in there, eats some food, and gets hit.

He’s.

A.

DOG!

If you don’t want a dog in a certain area of the house, you need a doggy gate to keep him out.

But for the love of god please stop hitting him. Please re-home him. The dog deserves better.

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

Dogs that get hit are more likely to bite back and eventually a young child that will poke the dog... it is not a good combo. You and your H might want to figure out plans now together as much as possible on how to navigate this so everyone (you, baby, dog) is as least stressed as possible.

This is one thing I'm super aware of, which is why I'm trying to figure out what to do about it all. He's such a gentle soul, that he's more emotionally and mentally damaged by it than physically. I'm scared that I've damaged his perception of me and is going to distrust me completely when mum brings him back. :( I've been feeling super guilty and miserable all day. I've only ever hit Arthur twice and the first one was a complete accident - was trying to kill a fly and so was he!

Does your husband know how much you are struggling with dog and baby together? ... Can the dog go with him to work by any chance? (Where I live that is a weirdly overly common option for pets to go to work with owners.)

I hadn't discussed it with H yet because I had only realised today when i slapped the dog how bad it actually was.H is due home in an hour, so I'll be chatting to him when he gets home. Unfortunately he works in a factory-like setting so can't take Arthur to work. I can take Arthur to work, but that doesn't help us. ?

If you don’t want a dog in a certain area of the house, you need a doggy gate to keep him out.

He was trained very successfully to not go into the kitchen. Going into the kitchen is a recent thing that he's started doing since we brought Beorn home. He didn't even go in there when I was pregnant. So up until now I haven't had to put a doggy gate across an open plan kitchen. ?

 

[Gs172003]

Totally.

But that’s the sort of level of professional assistance that I think it would take to render the situation safe for all involved. Obedience training was suggested earlier i the thread, and is a whole heap cheaper, but isn’t likely to fundamentally change the problem dynamics at play in this situation. I personally think that the description given warrants require in-home visits from a professional given the safety issues at stake.

And since most dog owners can’t afford that (let alone a first-time mum?), rehoming looks like the most practical, safe option available (even though it’s a shitty option).

I don't know where the OP lives but here the humane society will send a trainer to your house for three visits based on your income. @Kitty and Sparrow is that an option if it's available?

 

[Kubash16]

humane society will send a trainer to your house for three visits based on your income.

Off topic- but really?? I didn’t know this, that’s so cool. I need to see if mine offers that.

 

[Gs172003]

Off topic- but really?? I didn’t know this, that’s so cool. I need to see if mine offers that.

I don't know if they all do it but the one by me does.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I heard and watched him go in, annd followed him, so when he gulped down the food I slapped his rump hard enough my hand stung and dragged him by the collar to his crate, threw him in, and slammed the crate door shut before kicking it in anger twice.

You taught him nothing other then to fear you. But sneaking in the kitchen and eating food? Nope. Dogs live in a 3 sec world. If you correct a dog outside of 3 secs of doing whatever you are trying to correct, they will not know what you are correcting them for.

This is a great way to cause learned helplessness. AKA, a fearful dog. And many times, a fearful dog becomes an aggressive dog out of fear. And, you are preg? Yeah, reciept for disaster.

You can train the dog (the correct ways) to not go into the kitchen, without doggie gates. The dog maybe misbehaving because it is not exercised enough and is bored. Either way, rehome the dog since you state you don't want it anymore and cost too much. But please stop hitting the dog!

 

[desiderata310]

OP realizes there’s a problem with the reaction.

Offering good advice on maybe how to prevent or train situation is useful.

Telling them not to hit the dog is not. They already know that.

This thread will NOT turn into a shaming thread.

There have been several fantastic ideas for OP to try. Unless you have additional suggestions that do not include chastising the OP, keep it to yourself.

 

[Neverthesame]

I agree with rehoming the dog, though it's not an easy thing to do with a dog requiring long term expensive treatment.
It might be necessary to look into boarding temporarily until you can either find a permanent home or you decide you want to bring him home again.

 

[desiderata310]

As someone who has had children, a mother absolutely needs to be as stress free as she can get.
I liked the idea of parents taking the dog for a bit. Perhaps there are others who can keep him for a week or two? There might even be a few places that will care for him in a fostering situation until you get your feet under you a bit. The advantage there is that they can also do some work with the pup while he’s gone and maybe offer pointers when your up to having him back.

The early weeks of motherhood are stressful enough. Give yourself (and baby and pup) a fair shot at success.

And if there is anyone in your friend circle who can come over and do normal helping with baby things, or that you THINK might be able to help, call them. This isn’t the time to try to go it alone. This is a seriously difficult time.

 

[Kubash16]

There might even be a few places that will care for him in a fostering situation

I don’t know if any places will do it. But a lot of shelters have contacts with foster homes because of being overrun. I wonder if you can contact a shelter or rescue near you and ask if they can give you contact info to their foster homes. That way you can ask the fosters if they have room/are willing to take him temporarily. The plus side is they are already vetted to be halfway decent people so you aren’t just sending him into the unknown if you aren’t able to just use family.

 

[Justmehere]

New babies mean new smells... and new family rhythms can throw off a dog, and everyone in the family.

I've been feeling super guilty and miserable all day. I've only ever hit Arthur twice and the first one was a complete accident - was trying to kill a fly and so was he!

You have wonderful courage to face this head on. Good dog owners and moms take quick action when things get overwhelming and problems develop. That’s exactly what you are doing. Don’t shame yourself, be proud of being proactive in making changes and so quickly!

It might be worthwhile to ask friends if they might even be able to take the dog for a walk now and then. Give you and baby some time to rest and help the dog get out and burn off some energy. I have actually had to do this a number of times even with a well trained service dog. I didn’t have anyone that could take her full-time when I couldn’t care for her, but it turned out I had a bunch of friends who were excited to take a dog for a walk.

Exercise also helps humans reduce moments of impulsive anger. Baby in stroller and dog on leash is a lot to juggle but might help all 3 of you.

As you wait for meds to kick in and new family rhythms to stabilize, don’t forget about skills like breathing. Taking slow deep breaths throughout the day helps the brain release neurotransmitters that are often the same that meds are trying to increase. My favorite is 4 square breathing: count to four while breathing in hold for a count to four, breathe out for four, repeat four times. Doing it preemptively throughout the day might be a good habit to learn now before the toddler tantrum years.

Another skill that helps me with anger is to notice and name the anger as a body sensation. It sounds weird, but being able to notice and name it can slow down and stop myself acting on it in ways I would regret.

 

[desiderata310]

Also, don’t discount the fact that with new baby comes rushes of hormones doin’ their thang. Don’t be shy about going back to your doctor about just help with post natal. Things can be jiggled here and there to make it more bearable.