Feeling Betrayed By Something Therapist Said

[LizBeth1]

Hi everyone,

My therapist met with my boyfriend (without me) last week. I've been doing some very hard work w/her for a year now and would like to believe that she has my back and respects me for being willing to be so exposed in her office, and that she respects me for going into the scary places. So last week was the first time she has met w/him. I chose not to be there because I was afraid I'd feel like the two of them were 'ganging up' on me (this is related to one of my traumas). That was fine with both of them and they understood. He said he had a really good meeting w/her and he liked her a lot. He mentioned that she greeted him by saying, with a big smile on her face, "And how are YOU doing?" and that they laughed together about it.

That statement and the laughter between them -- hearing about that -- just felt like being stung. Like she felt perfectly comfortable giggling about me and my difficulties behind my back, or as though she was really saying, "Yeah buddy! I'm right there with you; she's a nightmare to deal with!"

Does this make sense to anyone -- why this little exchange would feel so unsettling to me? I know that PTSD can bring a lot of trust issues, even paranoia, so I know that I have this filter on when feeling into this. I plan to ask her about it. Right now it's just feeling kind of awful, like a betrayal.

Would love to hear your opinions on this -- I'm too "in it" to see clearly...
Thanks...

LizBeth

 

[catjudo]

I think the important thing is to talk to your therapist (as you've already said you realize is important). Right now you're only hearing your boyfriend's version of this interaction. I know it is difficult but I would try not to get too upset about this until you've had a chance to talk to your therapist and get her version of the conversation.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I agree with catjudo completely. Sometimes my hubby would talk to a person I knew or have a conversation with someone and his outlook on it was so different than the complete reality of the situation. It was his perspective on the situation. It doesn't mean he was wrong from his side, but maybe he didn't always understand the full picture. Then I would talk to the other individual in the situation and their perspective was completely different. Talk to your therapist and see about the situation from her perspective. It may even be that she was trying to interact with him in a way that would make him feel at ease in the situation. Two sides to every coin, two views in every story. I know it's hard, but try to take a breath and wait until you hear the whole thing, ok? (((Hugs))) your way.:)

 

[LizBeth1]

Thanks - I appreciate this. I do agree that she was trying to put him at ease, yes. It is so hard to surrender to all of this - it feels so exposed. I'll ask her about it... Thanks.

 

[AngelaMarie]

LizBeth1,
I hope you feel more at ease and can relax a little.

 

[Srain]

LizBeth, the question and infliction on "you" is a typical therapeutic way of greeting basically anyone who comes into therapeutic setting such as your tdoc's. I've heard this greeting since I was 9yrs old. It's meant to put the person at ease and feel welcomed as well as assured they are the most important person in the room thus will be listened to as well as heard. I have no doubt that if you searched your memory she has asked you this many many times, I know my tdoc uses this opener practically every time we meet to get the lines of communication rolling. It's a lot like "how are you?" but with the understanding we are not here to talk about her.

Due to past trauma and paranoia I can surely understand your concerns and I have no doubt it was a huge step for you. I agree that it's very important at this point to voice your concerns to your therapist about the meeting she had so you can keep that trust building. I call them reality checks. I have that agreement with mine as I can keep building my trust with her, it's a great way to keep clearing the path to working on my trauma as these issues come up because they are the issues.

Just my take on it, hope it helps somewhat,
Rain

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sure I would have thought the same.

But that is true- there are other ~reasons/ ways to look at it.

What I would really think is, if your bf is happy/ can have a laugh, not only is that great but perhaps indicates he feels better/ is optimistic about your treatment and therapy, alone and together, -not invalidating you. Many people would refuse even to come to therapy with another person, so that's a really good start.

And you want him to be happy, to take care of himself and not feel overwhelmed or worried, right? Remember that and talk to your T about it.

Hugs to you.

 

[a3a2]

My t has invited me totell her whenever I don't trust her. This has been very helpful, and I think it would be a good idea for you to do the same.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, I think a3a2 is right, saying what you feel.

 

[LizBeth1]

Thanks to all of you! I am less worried about it now, but will definitely talk it over with her. Really appreciate your insights. That is a very good point, Srain, and makes a lot of sense...