Feeling Invalidated

[Lucycat]

I have a diagnosis and for me it is helpful.
However I know of many other people with children who have other conditions who have actively avoided getting a diagnosis. The condition is obvious to those who know about such things, but the children look perfectly normal. The specific needs of the children because of the condition are still met. Adjustments are made in school and they get specific help for the individual symptoms. The parents just wanted to avoid labeling the children, and I understand that. On the other hand I know of people with difficulties that have never been diagnosed with anything as there isn't a diagnosis that fits. This can mean tons of investigations, blood tests, scans etc. Again they are given the help they need, regardless of the lack of a diagnosis.

I guess what I am getting at is that as long as your therapy targets your specific symptoms and helps with the processing of the trauma, then it doesn't actually matter whether or not the psychiatrist has an unusual perspective of the DSM.

I understand that it felt invalidating, but I suspect your therapist is in a better position to make an assessment - although that may not be legal. Your T would never have suggested going for a diagnosis if they did not believe it themself.

 

[GWhizz]

I totally get this @Lucycat. This is partly why I feel let down. I was not too keen to ever go through such assessments. I'm self conscious enough in therapy and now I am attending this service where I get asked some pretty insensitive questions and have had some bizarre assertions cast. I had been asked by both my T and my GP to undergo this assessment months ago yet I kept refusing a referral. They finally convinced me that I needed it, as between them, they felt they needed a more accurate opinion as they didn't feel the meds and therapy alone were necessarily adequate, that they 1st needed to know exactly what I was dealing with so that treatment could be appropriate and time wasn't wasted. They both felt this was quite urgent yet I feel fobbed off by the psych team - each time I've attended I just get told to come back in a month. They haven't even addressed important issues - for example, never asked me about whether or not my labour was traumatic (it was somewhat and others had felt this could have been triggering of past memories or enough to cause flashbacks etc of that incident itself), also never thought to ask if I was currently self-harming which I have been.

Haha @FridayJones thank you for making me smile. I am blessed with a loving sensitive guy and we have quite a solid foundation and committed relationship. He's been through things where I've helped him through and vice versa. And he did an amazing job delivering our baby boy and literally saving his life last year in a complicated and stressful delivery where it was just the 2 of us with no help except the paramedics over the phone.

@ghotiff yes me too - I'm brutal at expressing true emotions (poker face lol). I am so disconnected from the past that they seem to have added this to a list of why it's 'just a passing depression'. But they've failed to see that I am not at all depressed about my current life (he is even distracting about how my poor financial situation is apparently the main cause of this - saying once my partner graduates next month and starts his job it'll all be rosy in the garden - here's hoping!). I just feel trapped in my present by my past and until I can know how to come to terms with what happened and live with the nightmares etc and possibly get more than a couple of hours of sleep and not need meds etc then I will inevitably feel depressed about being unable to live happily and enjoy my motherhood, my youth etc. I tried explaining that this depression, anxiety, my ocd traits etc are all secondary to what happened years ago. How do I know this? Because it's what's ruminating through my mind day in day out, not by choice either. I do all I can to allay it, to ground myself, to utilise mindfulness, yoga etc. All that, therapy, meds and yet I still feel my life is being totally overrun and dominated by the past. Maybe I should show him this thread?!

 

[ghotiff]

"Maybe I should show him this thread?"

He's not the one to share it with. :)

I personally do hope that your partner helping more financially will reduce your stressors which will then help your PTSD overall. But a magic cure? ... If we could only be so lucky.

 

[GWhizz]

@ghotiff true. Some people just make an opinion of you and there's nothing you can say/do to change that impression. At least he has referred me on to be officially assessed. I would give anything to 'snap' out of whatever this is and come back to him in a few months to tell him he was right all along, it was just a little depression from things getting a little overwhelming in my current life. I just don't understand how he could just dismiss my whole past. I know people have gone through worse and maybe not experienced reliving of it etc. But people have also probably gone through less and relived that intolerably.

I am looking forward to my partner getting work and us getting back on our feet properly. Though I also don't want false hope. A few months ago we were quite financially secure and yet I was still experiencing the same symptoms. As someone who grew up in poverty, a little temporary financial hardship is nothing to me in the bigger picture. But it's partly my own fault - I let him lead the conversation on Monday and gave far too much attention to his questions about me being the breadwinner at present etc

 

[ghotiff]

" I just don't understand how he could just dismiss my whole past."

In the same way my parents did. It was just too much.

Also, I know someone (who I respect greatly in a lot of ways) but... If they hear something that makes them too uncomfortable to them they are convinced the teller is lying/exaggerating.

It's a fault on their behalf, but it's there just the same.

You know your truth. Your childhood contained crap that it should never have contained. Their need to deny it does not make it go away.

I'm so sorry, invalidation hurts. I know too well.

 

[GWhizz]

@ghotiff thank you. It really does hurt and I'm so sorry your parents couldn't validate you either. Maybe in some ways it helped them prevent feelings of guilt or inadequacy for not being there to protect you or prevent it.

My therapist always says she's amazed at what I'm trying to do right now and the core resilience I've kept intact (though it doesn't always feel this way lol). In someways this makes me feel proud that I haven't let it completely defeat me. But in my more paranoid or skeptical moments, I feel like maybe people won't believe me because I do appear so functional and pretty successful otherwise. Sometimes I feel more functional than some of the healthcare providers I meet - like the social worker from the psych team who 1st assessed me and had a complete freak out mid meeting over a wasp until I calmed her down and got it out while she was in a panicked state outside the room freaking that there was no other free room avail! She has had some questionable moments with me and I've only had a few interactions with her! But anyway, I know if it came down to it, I could always throw proof at them of medical files etc.

 

[ghotiff]

Thanks @GWhizz