Had a intense session with a new psychiatrist today, she's leaning towards the idea of Complex PTSD and/or Borderline Personality Disorder. It does make a lot make sense. Now i'm in a place again where I can feel everything and it frightens the hell out of me. I want to talk to someone who cares but feel shunned because people really don't seem to care. They say they care, but god forbid you might actually take them up on their previous offers of support and love. Feel so filled with rage, I feel like its driving me crazy. I want to demand an explanation from the police, from victims of crime who failed me time and time again. I want revenge on the people who did so much to me, consciously and systematically. I want to have a go at the judging eyes in the street... they want to judge me now for merely taking up space on the train... but they were the ones who ignored my screams for help, for mercy - I don't understand how people can ignore someone screaming for help when they can see they are being bashed and dragged away. What is wrong with them? So angry with the whole world and I have no idea what to do about it. People who have never experienced it fob you off as someone fragile little flower who can't let go and people who have been through it can't bear being re-triggered. I can't bear the thought of this happening one more time, but I can't kill myself because then I leave my son behind with a abusive father.
Am I just insane or is this normal?
What is wrong with humanity? Glorify someone on the news who got punched on a night out one time who came out and publicly said "that not the right thing to do, guys" - but I'm outcast like a friggin lepper?
Am I just insane or is this normal?
What is wrong with humanity? Glorify someone on the news who got punched on a night out one time who came out and publicly said "that not the right thing to do, guys" - but I'm outcast like a friggin lepper?
