Feeling non-human

[Butterflies2023]

I hope you you can try ways to get in touch with your human- ness. For me things that helped were doing yoga or just stretches really on the floor. Also I read the while lying on the floor start moving one part of your body - the leg tighten and relax. Then do all other parts ... you get reconnected to your body and you find you control each part. Then after each body part of tightening and relaxing - allow the whole body to shake or convulse altogether until your tired. It’s actually quite releasing to do this on the floor. With arms and legs all stretched out.
Other things to do is take a wonderful bath and when water gets cold drain it and refill with real warm and stay in the bath for an hour — enjoy reading or watching Netflix on iPad - use a watch cloth and wash your toes and legs — refamilarize yourself with each body part. These are my toes. This is my left leg my knee. This is my right leg and knee This My arm .... etc. I found this worked for me. It just seemed before it was never me in my body. But doing these techniques on regular basis helped me connect my mind with my body. I do have a body! I must take take care of this body! I still do this today. I also now apply lotion to dry skin knowing “it is my skin I need to take care of it” ...there is another aspect of not feeling connected to my body that I struggle with and that is seeing a doctor. Let’s say it’s for a sprained ankle... i just don’t go to the doctor. Instead i wait forever until maybe - finally - my spain now bothers my leg and created more damage because i didn’t see a doctor sooner! I have a real difficult time identifying pain and telling a doctor I need help. Describing pain in an office for me is like “well it does hurt”. Then just pointing to the foot. While someone else’s might say my ankle is f*cking killing me... I can’t walk on it - it keeps me up at night - it swells - it hurts on the left side and by night time the right side too and you got to do something - XRay it or brave it do something doc!”....You see it would take me maybe three to four visits to the doctor for me to get to that point. Or I never get to it and see the one doctor after another doctor until the right doctor connected with me - asked me the right questions to figure out what happened etc...I really have to speak up for my body!!! That’s what I am working on now

 

[AnD]

I hope you you can try ways to get in touch with your human- ness. For me things that helped...

Thanks, for taking the time to help out. I think your advice is something that could help, but it scares me.

I am doing some of the things you mentioned. Such as shaking, yoga and qi gong. I used to do body therapy, Rosen. But I have stopped. I had flashbacks, dissociated and cried a lot. It was good for me. But I notice that I avoid it. I don't want to feel.

The touching my body and acknowledge body parts. Hard. I shower once a week. I avoid it. I find it stressful. My body scares me. It has needs, it falters and leeks in strange places. I have a hard time accepting it. I guess I am dissociating from being in it. And that could be something to do with me feeling like a non-human. I also think it has to do with how I feel about others. I don't feel the love that I feel when I am the witch, a dissociative part of me. It is much less intense.

I avoid exercise. I have broken down and cried several times when walking, going to the gym and etc.

I think if I can dare to feel these things that I do when I am more aware of my body, then I can feel better. I haven't thought about how much I avoid it until you came with these suggestions.

Thanks

 

[ladee]

Then take it very slow. Very. Find something that is the least threatening, and start there.. just one foot , for instance.... and go no further until you feel some kind of connection...
This is my only suggestion, because I am an old lady, in tremendous chronic pain, because body pain was not a conneciton made when I first started this journey.... and even when I learned about it... I ignored it, and paid no attention.... and I am paying a dear cost to not paying attention to my body.
Hindsight and all that... but I would have started slow.... and found what worked for me... I wish you success with this, as body healing is very important to the over all process.... I still am out of touch for the most part, except for the parts that hurts and bring me to tears at times...

Hoping you use what you are learning now... baby steps.... and feel that release.... it's not too late for you.... be kind to you !!!

 

[Deleted member 37868]

I hope you you can try ways to get in touch with your human- ness. For me things that helped...

Interesting that you bring up feeling not in your body, I don’t think I ever thought of that, I’m pretty direct with doctors but since it’s fibromyalgia they really don’t have any information or treatment options, besides the vague stuff I can just google myself. I like your username. I don’t know I’m pretty heavily aware of my body, it’s hard to ignore because of all the pain.

 

[AnD]

Then take it very slow. Very. Find something that is the least threatening, and start there.. just one fo...

@ladee, I have had this reply in mind since yesterday and still, I can't seem to find the words I am looking for. Thank, you for being here for me. I am very sorry for your pain. If I could, I would take it away from you. I have been reading your replies to me and in other places. And I must say your heart is a hell of an inspiring thing to me.

And how would you go about this taking it slowly? Like massage one foot or a knee? Talk to it and have it tell its story back to me?

I avoid doing things with my body. It is unpredictable, just like living with PTSD is. All of a sudden you are in a flashback. Last time you enjoyed it, today total chaos and crying. I tend to gravitate towards stuff that makes me happy and my body does not make me happy. It scares me. I do not want to relive my fear of dying. And I think that is all my body is to me. Fear, remembering. And I can't escape the fear of death, I know it is coming. But I work through the fear, if only I knew how.

How do I get the courage to approach my body?

I too have pain. Not in an extreme amount. Stiff shoulders and back. Pain in my neck. I ignore this. Thinking it will go away as soon as I stop being a bad person. Distorted thinking. You are right, I should try to heal my body.

I am sitting here now, avoiding going for a walk, qigong. As I avoid showering, brushing my teeth, drinking water. In a way, I may be replaying my old trauma by neglecting my body.

 

[ladee]

I wish I had some answers for you ! I do know, if I could afford massages, I would have them often. The only time I did, I was not told to drink a lot of water, did not tell her I had PTSD, should have... but I was one sick puppy for about a week. All the poison and tension in my muscles and tendons released and my body went on overload.... It didn't bother me to have a massage, I told her of the spot at the top of my spine, to not touch it, much less apply pressure, I always want to throw up when that spot is touched.... but the massage was soooo relaxing...

Try asking your T about some things you could do... but I totally understand about not paying attention to our bodies... I still don't, until I am in serious pain.... guess that is why I am encouraging you to find a way... maybe you truly are not ready for this... hopefully you will know when you think you can handle it or begin to be able to tolerate it....

None of us do this healing journey the same... don't push yourself if it's truly something you can not commit to... doesn't mean you aren't willing to work on yourself, or are avoiding.... simply means it's not time....

Tell your T how you feel about this and you do have the right to say.... not yet....And if it never happens, then as you are hobbling around when you are an old lady like me, you will remember this conversation... and simply say, that was one part I just couldn't do... that's what I tell myself now.... do the best you can.... that truly is good enough....

But you are coming up with some great insight, so who knows... that is how we get from point A to point B.... wishing you well hon, and just be kinder to yourself.... that's a good beginning. Gentle hugs if you accept.

And thank you for you kind words... some days I am a PTSD rattlesnake too.... lol

 

[MyWillow]

I start a trauma sensitive yoga class next week at the suggestion of my therapist. I understand it’s a really good way to start feeling connected with your body without the pressure of regular yoga and meditation.

 

[MyWillow]

And when I said next week apparently that’s tomorrow lol

 

[AnD]

@ladee, girl, you go and rattle some ;). We are allowed to

@MyWillow, I reached out to a yoga centre to see if they had any trauma-sensitive yoga classes. I might go on and contact my Rosen therapist again.

@SherlocktoWatson, thanks for starting this process in me. I had not realized how much I have been avoiding my body, my feelings. I avoided the avoiding. I have a lot of work to do.

My feelings are in my body and I don't want to feel. There is so much pain that needs to be let out. Avoiding them and the nature of my trauma could be the reason for me not feeling human.