Sufferer Feeling really low lately - death / mva

[Akhos]

Sorry for your loss, I truly am.

Sounds like you have tried to engage with her but for whatever reason, she isnt responding to it well. Do you have anyone else that you can confide in? Have you spoken to your doctor about how low you are feelingas it sounds like you are quite depressed? How long have you felt like this for? It could be that your brain is still feeling traumatised by everything, and it makes it so much harder when you feel unsupported as well by loved ones

How would the wife react if you simply went up to her and said "I dont want to argue, Im just really struggling right now and I could just use a hug". See if that will help break the ice.

I cry myself to sleep next to mine and she doesnt notice.

 

[Palmetto82]

Sorry for your loss, I truly am.

Sounds like you have tried to engage with her but for whatever reason,...

I do have a therapist that I see and have explained that this a rough time for me but I meet with him in a week so I will discuss more with him.

How would the wife react if you simply went up to her and said "I dont want to argue, Im just really stru...

I’m going to do that tonight because I feel if I don’t I will go crazy. No one really gets what we go through unfortunately and it’s so hard to get them to understand. I thought about possibly looking into some sort of support/service dog that could help me by just calming me down as well

 

[Akhos]

This is a safe place, it took me a long time to realise that. Feel free to express what you need to express. There are no judgements here. Dont know if you have seen it but there is a trauma diary section if you need to get something out of you on a daily basis. Might help organise your thoughts (I know writing helps me), and give some help with your therapy as well

 

[Palmetto82]

This is a safe place, it took me a long time to realise that. Feel free to express what you need to expr...

I am currently training for an Ironman next year so I think if I pick up my training some that might help as well.

 

[New]

@Palmetto82 So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

Training for an Ironman is so awesome! It will definitely help. My other therapy is kickboxing and it always helps.

 

[Palmetto82]

@Palmetto82 So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

Training for a...

Yeah I started out running for my therapy then decided that I needed more to occupy my time and thoughts

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I do the letter thing when I need to express deep emotional stuff to my husband.

I'm able to express myself in writing much more clearly than I can verbally, especially when feeling emotional or super stressed in the moment.

It gives him time to read at his leisure and be able to absorb and process it better, as well. Win/win.

I also spent much time trying to make things make sense to him long before I ever made any sense of it all to myself, if that makes sense.

I had to invest a lot of time getting to know myself better from the inside out and figuring out the actual roots of my issues so I could better help myself which eventually made it much easier for him to also help me in much healthier ways.

I still feel misunderstood/misinterpreted at times because there's really no way for someone who hasn't lived through something to ever fully grasp and innerstand the depths of it, unless they've been professionally trained, perhaps, but even those folks are very few and far between, at least in my hood.

Having him be willing and open to genuinely and compassionately listen to me and wishing to do whatever I needed him to made it all possible was very instrumental in how I ultimately felt about myself, which helped me follow through with actually wanting to keep finding things that helped (especially after exhausting my attempts in the typical arenas). Didn't make it easy, but made it possible.

Unfortunately, for a while in the very beginning of our relationship (15 yrs ago), that also meant he was willing to partake in some very unhealthy means of trying to make things better, but luckily we both outgrew that, as the alcohol started taking its toll on our overall well-being.

May you find the space between and within yourselves that makes healthy communication possible (check out the book The Five Love Languages when you can - it was an eye-opener for me) and soon find a path that helps heal all these feels as they arrive. Wishing you well.

 

[Sanctuary]

I dreamt/nightmare that two intruders broke into my house and I found my mother murdered in the bath.
( just a nightmare, unresolved trauma)
The pain was too much to bare .It is too much pain for any human being to bare.Its beyond human experince.
And yes it feels yesterday,.. but 21 years have passed..

I dont have the answers..But your hurting and i feel that pain ..
Is their any outlet for that pain you feel inside?
Is their anything you do that soothes your soul?
I hold the bible to my heart and open up a visual hole in my mind and let the eruption of pain flow out of me.
Their is so much pain inside of me,i let GOD take away that pain, and cry and I feel relief .
I let it go.. as its too much pain to bare for one person.
I give into the pain, sorrow, sadness, hurt and let somehting higher soothe my soul.
It helps me , i hope it helps you..

 

[New]

@Sanctuary
Beautiful post.

 

[Sanctuary]

How are you the original poster ?
Please excuse my spelling as im dyslexic.
My brother said to me FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE.
I try but it comes back..Are you hanging in their?
Hugs

 

[Deanna]

I actually have written a letter to her about my feelings but like a teacher does she had a response to everything in a red pen arguing with my statements

So, you're another kid in the relationship now and she is an avoidance addict. She is simply ignoring the issues that you both have... Maybe they are old ( you said this happened 21 years ago and it still hurts) Maybe she doesn't know what to say..

It's pretty obvious that you are a loner, even at the gym.. You need to do something other than the gym ( even though it's good- I like working out) like go to a movie one night. Get out of the house... ( first night) Do something that involves other people. How do you like the thought of bowling?

BTW- the holidays get everyone down but I think it really has to do with time, other than the holiday itself.