Feeling replaceable

[willhealeventually]

It’s been a year since I separated from my husband and several months since I filed for divorce. Our son lives mostly with me. I told my ex that I had trauma and that’s why I couldn’t have sex. He said I didn’t meet his needs.
Now I’ve learned that he has been already dating and wants my son to meet her. I don’t know why it bothers me so much - I don’t want him back.
Tonight I am also triggered because my son was supposed to come back from his house but didn’t. I texted to ask if he was spending the night - no response.
I am already not sleeping and this for some reason sent me over the edge. I feel small, worthless, and like I want to just give up on everything. I can’t describe how much this hurts and have been in a panic attack mode.

 

[ladee]

I understand how you feel @willhealeventually. The divorce with my second husband had me feeling just like you shared. I didn't want him back either. It took more than I thought I had to eventually end that relationship.

But as it seemed he moved on so seamlessly, I was stuck feeling like a disposable person, just a bag of garbage set on the side of the road and he never looked back.

What I was to discover with the end of that relationship, was how many abandonment issues I had. How little I cared about myself and how others leaving me was only confirmation of how 'worth LESS' I was.

But in order for me to navigate that kind of pain, I just put all I had into finding out why I felt that way and how to learn to care about myself, even if no one else did.

I have been 'abandoned' a few times since. But the difference was, I no longer abandon myself! It was painful yet very healing work I did. I call it 'picking my pain'. Pick the pain of healing, or pick the pain of staying the same with the same results. It wasn't easy by any means.

I have ME today, no matter who passes thru my life or who stays. Sending healing energy your way, and the hope that you pick YOU. Understanding hugs if you accept. :hug:

 

[Monica1974]

I have learned a way to soothe myself when I feel like that. It sounds silly and feels silly at first, but I hug myself, stroke my arms softly, and say gentle things to myself. It is self-compassion and it really makes me feel better! Hugs to you tonight.

 

[Justmehere]

There will always only be one you.

And, think about it, she’s got to put up with him now. I’d count your lucky stars it’s not you.

 

[EveHarrington]

Tonight I am also triggered because my son was supposed to come back from his house but didn’t. I texted to ask if he was spending the night - no response.

Your house, your rules.

If you require him to notify you if he’s staying with his dad, that’s perfectly reasonable, good parenting.

 

[SheWrote]

It’s been a year since I separated from my husband and several months since I filed for divorce. Our son lives mostly with me. I told my ex that I had trauma and that’s why I couldn’t have sex. He said I didn’t meet his needs.
Now I’ve learned that he has been already dating and wants my son to meet her. I don’t know why it bothers me so much - I don’t want him back.
Tonight I am also triggered because my son was supposed to come back from his house but didn’t. I texted to ask if he was spending the night - no response.
I am already not sleeping and this for some reason sent me over the edge. I feel small, worthless, and like I want to just give up on everything. I can’t describe how much this hurts and have been in a panic attack mode.

Yes, you will heal. Triggers need to be identified, so you will know how to respond and prevent them from actually triggering you. Have you been to any counseling? This might help you to sort out all that is going on inside. Also, you will gain tools to help you deal with the triggers. Healing takes time, especially when you are saying goodbye to a relationship, person, that has been in your life for a while. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself time. Just don't stay in that place. Move on... you deserve to be happy and live a full life! And, you can do it!!! :)

 

[willhealeventually]

Thank you