Feeling sorry for existing

[The Albatross]

"... i need to do it better [snip]... but my grandparents have my room and I don’t do stairs well (joints are messed up) so my room in the office upstairs I can’t get to easily."

I think I would self examine whether or not your self care needs are optional and why or why there is an assumption that ease trumps something more beneficial in the longer term.

Doubtless, you're push may be over by now for a while, however the fact is that pushing yourself through without a strategy for coping and meeting your own needs is not wise in the longer term. The habit becomes behavior and it is frankly unnecessary with the proviso of a basic health/mental emotional self care strategy.

P.S. If you can't get to it (the office upstairs) easily, I would also consider relocating your office due to your physical limitation.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Thank you @The Albatross thats a good point.

I’m back in my room today and emotionally exhausted. I went out to a club last night it was 10 minutes feeling good and 10 minutes having horrible anxiety for hours.

I thought about this annoyance. It feels similar to when I feel insecure about when I was dating men. It feels like projecting on them, so maybe also a bit I’m getting overwhelmed and annoyed by human interaction and then I think it’s their annoyance bc I couldn’t name my own emotion bc to me annoyance means I’m bad.

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington hmmm...not that I can remember but I think I am. Maybe one person has called me that but they were also very intense and we sort of burned each other out. I’m definitely passionate and decisive.

When I get into something I’m all in, I’ve learned to moderate it but I’m very hyper focused on things. I also make art that’s pretty intense, so I guess yes!

Maybe find a way to dial it back?

Not easy, I know!

I can be super intense! People then think I’m super into them when I’m not (it’s just how I am), and it’s just a bad dynamic.

It’s different with my current boyfriend. We never had the crazy intense infatuation phase. I finally found my “slow burn”.

Yes, the intensity was fun at the time, but it burned out fast (always). It’s so much more fulfilling to build a relationship slowly and not be so intense. It makes things last longer with less pressure.

Sorry if I’m a little off topic.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@EveHarrington yeah!! I think I have A LOT this year, like in comparison to how I was in May with people I liked versus now is a total turn. I try to moderate myself, for my own benefit as well.

It’s funny you mention the last part, that’s what I’ve been doing with the person I sort of have feelings for, just no pressure enjoying the ride, but then I have these moments that consume me like an oil fire, like I NEED to be more intense. In these moments sometimes I’ve said just nice things to her and my friends of make art about my feelings, instead of being wild. Channeling the passion into something positive I guess?

 

[IceQueencop]

@Strangelongtrip - Are you a reader? I have found that reading can be a great way to get away from others. You can be in the same room and yet miles away. Most people will leave you alone while you are reading, too. While the party is in full swing, it may be a little awkward to whip out a book or e-reader, but within a 12-hour stretch I would guess there would be some down moments you could steal for yourself.

I’m also an intense person, so I get the reactions from others who are intimidated by the intensity. Just because it pushes some away, doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for you. They just aren’t the right fit. When you know yourself and what you need, finding someone who fits that mold is just another step in the process of knowing yourself. You deserve someone who will celebrate you.

Best, IQC

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Thank you @IceQueencop ! I love reading. I do a lot of research on my phone too! I got some good books for Christmas so I can put them to good use.

People in my life now I think appreciate the intensity more than anything. I lost a lot of friends this year (or they lost me...har har) but I’m doing much better! And I’m making new awesome friends through friends so I’m super happy with that too!!