I can't help but feel like one minute were are ok and we are going to arrive at the same destination so to speak and then the next it's all uncertainty. I told him it's not fair to me. I need to have a more clear understanding on where we stand and where we are going. He always says that he can't live without me and that he doesn't want to let me go. That he loves me and needs me more in his life now. And then later on, he'll say just because we love each other and care for one another doesn't mean we have to be together. We can be great friends. That "this is the beginning of everything." Pull and push pull and push. Ugh.
I've never been with him here before. I read around this site that this is common, and trust me, I am not a newbie to ptsd. We both aren't done and we have gone thru so so so much together, that it seems silly to throw it all away.
Insight/advice welcome from both sides. For supporters what did you do to better the situation? Did you stay and fight? When did you call it quits?
. Not any other relationship. Just him. I'm moving out. Today was hasty and a blur. I'm hurting.
These are the parts that stand out to me.
I've never been with him here before. If you both have been doing this for awhile, and this is brand new behavior? He likely doesn't know what's going on, either. Or how to cope with it. Much less the best/worst ways. It makes sense you two are struggling with it.
I told him it's not fair to me. I need to have a more clear understanding on where we stand and where we are going. If this is something you need, it's probably best to call it quits. At least for a time, given his current symptoms, I'd lay money he has no ability to meet that particular need right now, and probably won't for months if not longer. If it's a desire, instead of a need, then that can be worked with. But PTSD mid tailspin? Is like being rolled in a wave, or down a hill. The ability to tell which way is up? Vanishes. You might know briefly, and then get knocked over by another wave, or stop rolling down the hill, stand up, and fall off a cliff. When I'm bad I can't tell what the next hour will bring, much less tomorrow, and forget about next week. Longer? Oy vey. I'm used to planning things out by seasons & years. Being reduced to hours at best? Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it. Mentally, it feels like the difference between sober/drunk. Not tipsy, buzzed, or anything that you retain some ability to think, but completely shitfaced, piss drunk. You can't just will yourself sober. The inability to grok the future? To think through the noise in my head? Sometimes I know Im being irrational, most often not. It's not that I don't want clearly defined goals & understanding. It's that I simply cannot process it. Stuck in survival mode & living moment to moment. It manifests differently in people, but it seems like most of us get to this place, at least occasionally. Everything sure becomes unsure, everything certain becomes question, and the only thing that's "real" is this moment. Irrational or not.
Did you stay and fight? When did you call it quits? As a sufferer I've always run. I don't have the energy to fight a battle on 2 different fronts, so once my relationship became a battle? I was gone. Don't usually have the energy to fight only on one front. So I've always left. To my great detriment. I've had people fight for me, and even come close to winning, but I've always managed to either give them the slip, or sabotage things badly enough I make them leave. This was before I knew it was PTSD. I don't know what I'd do now that I can see these patterns. Something that keeps striking me, however, is that we were taught to call "retreat" ... "fighting in a different direction". In reading on the supporters side... It seems like that's what allows things so often to work: allowing the space to get your head on straight, and picking back up. Accepting that there are times space & isolation is needed, and both allowing it and planning for it.
Today was hasty and a blur. In my own life, these days are usually both regrettable, and fixable. Not always, but usually. Also hardly confined to relationships. But haste & confusion are always signs I need to check myself, and see what damage has been done. LOL 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' also comes to mind. Not as applying to your situation. Just that haste being the hallmark of emergencies or bad decisions, seems to be a theme throughout humanity.
