Feels Like I'm Waging A War

[ladee]

YaaaaaY Bananie!!!!! An adventure day..... hope you have fun, put this thing called 'life is hard' down for the day, and laugh, swing on the swings at the park, and eat something chocolate.... lots of hugs for your adventure...

 

[Bananie]

I went down to the lake (Charlotte beach, on lake Ontario). Stopped at a flea market on the way, got a few books (4 for $3, 2 Stephanie plum books, a James Patterson, and a random chick lit), stopped at 711 for some fruit, sweet tea and pretzels, and then spent the day at the "beach". Finished a whole book! It was nice to be out, haven't been down there in a long time. Had a few long phone convos with people, one my book end (Simon and Garfunkel kind), and one an estranged friend. Got some sun. If I go in to work tomorrow, which I should, I can't say I spent today in bed lol. But I'll tell the truth. I needed today. I have no new answers to life's problems, but, im a little less foggy, a little calmer.

 

[ladee]

Sounds so relaxing.... and you so needed to be nice to you... give yourself treats and books to read... It's been a long while since I have given myself a 'play' day.... too hot here right now... but soon,

Hope you find answers about the 'job' thing...if it's the jobs them selves, or something else going on.... you are too smart to not figure this out... and make your life a little more settled.... OR.... you are going to be the free spirited Big B that just gets bored and has to try on lots of different styles thru your life... nothing wrong with that either..... lots of freedom in that.... because some where along this adventure, you are going to find what you love....
Hey, did you go out with the guy from the bus stop???
Sending hugs.... and Cheap Sunglasses !!!!

 

[Bananie]

Went to mom's on Friday and then work Saturday. My team lead wasn't there to give me the talking to I'm expecting, and the team lead that was there is the one I adore and he seemed cool with me, but he seems cool with everyone always, and all my work friends were like, OMG! You're back!
I never did go out with that guy @ladee . I don't think I gave him much of a chance, but i also didn't like how it went from a nice dinner when he was giving me his number to ordering pizza and watching a movie, to be could pick me up after he took the family out to dinner. I'm not looking for a lot, but, what are to expecting us to do if you've already eaten?
I was going to write more, but I'm feeling weird today. I'm hoping its anxiety and not that I'm dying. Sigh.

 

[ladee]

Good for you, the SOB didn't deserve a chance... f*ck him, and not in a good way !!!

And you are not dying.... The Universe is so not done with you yet, you get to have some real freedom and healthy fun and love before you die... and besides, I would miss you !!! Gentle hugs :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

A sense of humor is a survival mechanism. Cherish it!

 

[Bananie]

Thanks @ladee and @SheilaKathy :) <3 :) <3 :) <3
I'm so so so....happy? excited? both? many things! right now. I feel like a lot of the pieces of the puzzle finally snapped together.
I was going to write about it, but I drifted off, like I do lol. I will. I do really want to get it out in writing, so... I will. Eventually. Lol

 

[Bananie]

"Oh, they just pulled up. Wait, no, that's next door. Sound carries so oddly here."
"You're trapped in a basement."
"Well, there's that."
Lol, I don't know why that's so funny to me. Well, no, I do know why. It's cause i'm in a good mood lol. Everything is funny to me right now. Also, restless. So, I was like, YEAH! I'm gonna get this all down! And then I started typing and I'm like, noooo. Stare into space and think instead. Or go to the store now and get your basic needs met, which is making you so excited, so you can come back and veg. Yeah. That.

 

[ladee]

Checking on you @Bananie , haven't seen you in awhile... hope things are good and you are working a job you like and all is well.... thinking of you and missing you... gentle hugs...

 

[ladee]

Was thinking of you earlier today... guess I will have to send 'any one seen Bananie' vibes out more often !!! Glad to see you checked in... thinking of you and missing you.

 

[Bananie]

Hi @ladee! Can't believe so much time has passed, wow. I started something the day I saw and liked your post, but, my friend showed up to pick me up, so, I didn't finish. And now, I'm about to go to bed so i can go back to work tomorrow after an unplanned 5 days off. Technically 3 of those days were planned, but 2 and half were spent in the hospital. I guess my heart function has decreased a lot, so I have to go for a muga test this Friday and an angiogram next Friday. New job is going ok, I'm still technically in training, and they have a strict attendance policy, so, all this time off might not go over well. Sigh. My best friend and his husband rescued me from the awful basement and the occupants above. He came to pick me up from the hospital and saw the state of the place and heard the noise and was like, no. You can't stay here anymore. They're killing you and your cat.
Most of my stuff is probably ruined because the basement flooded again. And, when we went today to get some more of my stuff (I brought just essentials when I fled on Friday; cat, some clothes, laptop, and stuff to color, lol), we saw cockroaches, so, some stuff i brought is quarantined, and i probably wont get to bring anymore here.
My new schedule is Monday thru Friday, so I thought I wouldn't get to see my therapist anymore, but she said she'd miss me, and she sometimes does Saturdays, so I get to go next week. Wait, this week. I miss the old one a little less (?), but, the other day when I had a nuclear stress test and after they were like, um, you need to your cardiologist NOW, do not pass go, do not collect $200, I thought I'd be getting an internal defibrillator, and I gave in to the fear a little and wished I could talk to him. Oh well.
Other than that.... hangin in there!!! Thanks for thinking of me @ladee . I hope all is well with you! Big hugs!!!!

 

[Bananie]

Cool. Coolcoolcool.
I was dealing with the annoying people and the basement.
I was gonna move.
Then I listened to my "best friend", who like begged me to come stay at his house, and after first expressing all the concerns I had that I didn't want to be a bother, I love him more than I hate the basement, I'm really ok there (even though it was killing me and my cat) and now he's been mad at me since I've been here, and like, I'm staying out of the way, I'm cleaning, I'm doing everything I've been told, but he's like, going upstairs, avoiding me, he came down to the basement earlier (oh, yeah, cat has to stay down there, so I'm still hanging in a basement), and he came down to get a pop, threw a fake smile my way, walked upstairs and slammed the door. How husband has been fine.
Sorry I exist dude.
I try not to. Somehow I'm like a cockroach. Maybe I should just go stay in the other basement.
With the cockroaches.
Or maybe this is just a lesson to me to stand up for myself and be like, dude, wtf is your problem???
Good time with therapist today though. So that's cool.