@scout86 "I'm kind of under the impression that "Anything you say can and will be used against you...""
Same here. Often was for me. If I said something off handed about someone, it was stored later for ammo. Talking about a male co-worker was the worst. BTW, most of the people I worked with were male, so it made talking about work difficult. Of course, not talking about work was suspicious: what was I hiding? Pins and needles. Pins and needles. I learned to talk in vague generalities about things of no consequence but even that would bite me in the ass. I too learned to keep my own council.
Walk in this narrow, shaded area, no, don't make eye contact. Head down, quiet. careful not to step out of line. Even then the focus of the light could change suddenly in a fit of rage and I'd find myself exposed and the focus of scrutiny.
Yep. Mine include a Russian roulette kind of self harm, I only recently retired the knife under the pillow, isolation, walking dangerous places so I can "prove" to myself I can, minimizing symptoms to my doctors.
Ok... walking in dangerous places so I can prove to myself I can... I do that.. a lot... and I have yet to be able to reconcile it with everything else. I run and ride at times and in places that angles would fear to tread. WTH?
I think I get what you are saying...
@FridayJones I refuse to take any medication that will dull symptoms because well... I need to know that I am safe and the only way I can do that is ensuring that I can wake up at the slightest sound, that my senses aren't dulled because dulling them makes me susceptible to attack. So, while I have access to "relief" I won't take it because it doesn't feel wise.
Or at least... that's where I am ...
