There are screams in me. Lots of them. I'm afraid to let them out. I'm afraid I will go crazy. And sometimes when I try to say words, they can't come out. They are like sounds that don't make sense. I'm so used to trying to stay in control, and now there are years and years of afraid and alone in me.
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Fight Or Flight Response
- Post starter JimmyJames902
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Trying to be in control of myself and my surroundings has been my demise. I always and mostly still do think that if I am in control everything will be ok and noone can see my weaknesses. Unfortunately it has caused me to lash out on those who love me. It is hard for me to separate the two.
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Nicolette
Supporter Admin
I was reading something about this the other day and the three common terms/modes are flight, fight or fear (which would equate to freeze).
D
Deleted member 541
I used to be the *fighter*... Hell, I would even pick a fight first, if I saw one coming... I would fight over anything....I learned through a lot of mistakes, therapy, and self awareness that it isn't the way to go...
Now I have a hard time with people yelling at me/ confrontation/or just plain old feeling the *walking on eggshell* feeling coming on. I tend to run. I am not sure how a person goes from one extreme to the other, as I did, but I have......You would think I would have learned in the process how to just handle it better........But, I haven't!!!!!!!
Now I have a hard time with people yelling at me/ confrontation/or just plain old feeling the *walking on eggshell* feeling coming on. I tend to run. I am not sure how a person goes from one extreme to the other, as I did, but I have......You would think I would have learned in the process how to just handle it better........But, I haven't!!!!!!!
More Important than Fight or Flight
As I read through this thread I sensed that some have the idea that flight is better than fight and vice versa. If I've sensed incorrectly, disregard. If I've sensed correctly, though, it would be worth noting that there is no inherent difference between fight or flight. Both are coping mechanisms. Both are protective measures taken by the person in need - and both are temporary solutions to what is likely an ongoing problem.
I'm sure there are those who predominantly fly while others more often fight. This doesn't make one person more effective than the other, though, because it depends on what each person needs at a particular time. In that vein, then, seeing person A succeed in flight rather than fight doesn't mean that will work for person B.
Both fight and flight consume a person's energy and bring about different consequences. The fighter will eventually have to face the consequences of their behavior (good and/or bad) and the one who takes flight is more often than not going to face, again, that from which they flew.
The fight or flight response is an instinctual response to a threat of danger. It isn't meant to be used over and over, which is why those who are forced to do so tend to develop phobias, hyper-responses and/or personality trouble like learned helplessness. The immobilizing fear or "deer in the headlights" response others have spoken of is learned helplessness. If you know that no matter what you do it isn't going to make any difference, you will learn to do nothing no matter how bad it is. It's paralyzing and difficult to get out of once you're entrenched in the practice.
The irony of having experienced the kind of pain, violence and abuse we've all experienced is that it is proof of our strength and endurance. Most of us have been told we are the way we are (weepy, afraid, angry, etc) because of our experiences. Rarely are we told that there is a flipside to all of it. We are not just survivors. That is not the end of that story and we are not thusly doomed to a life of confusion, frustration, tears and anger.
Those adults who experienced trauma as children would do well to take a good look at that child's ability to survive: the stamina, resourcefulness, ability to function on (m)any level(s). We don't lose these traits and characteristics just because we reached voting age. Yes, the trauma relives itself in our minds - but in our quest to squelch those memories we also "forget" just how strong and resourceful we were. Tapping into the bag of tools we used as children means facing the trauma head on - and that's not something at the top of most people's to-do list. The thing is, we're not children anymore. When an adult faces and deals with childhood trauma, s/he does so as an adult, not the child s/he used to be. Don't be so quick to disregard the strengths you've developed since childhood, and certainly don’t dismiss the strengths that child had that allowed them to survive.
Those who experienced trauma as adults already had a tool belt full of tools before the trauma. Some might think their tools weren’t good enough to keep the trauma from occurring, and they would be right about that particular trauma. However, their tools kept a lot of other stuff from happening even if they aren’t aware of this. So get aware. The odds of being mugged, struck by lightning, hit by a bus, etc are pretty good if you’re not aware of these dangers and how to avoid them. Give yourself credit for all the stuff that didn’t happen to you. It wasn’t just dumb luck. A lot of things didn’t happen to you because you had your bag of tools and you used them. That you didn’t have THE tool to keep a particular trauma from occurring doesn’t mean the entirety of your tool belt is useless. It means it’s time to dig through what you have and use it to your benefit.
Every single person on this site has already exercised their strength by having sought out and found this site. That step alone required an incredible amount of courage. Don't dismiss it. Acknowledge it. It's a big deal.
Whether you fight or take flight or just stand there makes no difference in the long run. One is not better than the other. Again, all of them are temporary solutions to ongoing problems. What matters is looking for, (re)discovering and acknowledging what you already have, what you’ve gained since the trauma, and using it all now to help yourself out.
As I read through this thread I sensed that some have the idea that flight is better than fight and vice versa. If I've sensed incorrectly, disregard. If I've sensed correctly, though, it would be worth noting that there is no inherent difference between fight or flight. Both are coping mechanisms. Both are protective measures taken by the person in need - and both are temporary solutions to what is likely an ongoing problem.
I'm sure there are those who predominantly fly while others more often fight. This doesn't make one person more effective than the other, though, because it depends on what each person needs at a particular time. In that vein, then, seeing person A succeed in flight rather than fight doesn't mean that will work for person B.
Both fight and flight consume a person's energy and bring about different consequences. The fighter will eventually have to face the consequences of their behavior (good and/or bad) and the one who takes flight is more often than not going to face, again, that from which they flew.
The fight or flight response is an instinctual response to a threat of danger. It isn't meant to be used over and over, which is why those who are forced to do so tend to develop phobias, hyper-responses and/or personality trouble like learned helplessness. The immobilizing fear or "deer in the headlights" response others have spoken of is learned helplessness. If you know that no matter what you do it isn't going to make any difference, you will learn to do nothing no matter how bad it is. It's paralyzing and difficult to get out of once you're entrenched in the practice.
The irony of having experienced the kind of pain, violence and abuse we've all experienced is that it is proof of our strength and endurance. Most of us have been told we are the way we are (weepy, afraid, angry, etc) because of our experiences. Rarely are we told that there is a flipside to all of it. We are not just survivors. That is not the end of that story and we are not thusly doomed to a life of confusion, frustration, tears and anger.
Those adults who experienced trauma as children would do well to take a good look at that child's ability to survive: the stamina, resourcefulness, ability to function on (m)any level(s). We don't lose these traits and characteristics just because we reached voting age. Yes, the trauma relives itself in our minds - but in our quest to squelch those memories we also "forget" just how strong and resourceful we were. Tapping into the bag of tools we used as children means facing the trauma head on - and that's not something at the top of most people's to-do list. The thing is, we're not children anymore. When an adult faces and deals with childhood trauma, s/he does so as an adult, not the child s/he used to be. Don't be so quick to disregard the strengths you've developed since childhood, and certainly don’t dismiss the strengths that child had that allowed them to survive.
Those who experienced trauma as adults already had a tool belt full of tools before the trauma. Some might think their tools weren’t good enough to keep the trauma from occurring, and they would be right about that particular trauma. However, their tools kept a lot of other stuff from happening even if they aren’t aware of this. So get aware. The odds of being mugged, struck by lightning, hit by a bus, etc are pretty good if you’re not aware of these dangers and how to avoid them. Give yourself credit for all the stuff that didn’t happen to you. It wasn’t just dumb luck. A lot of things didn’t happen to you because you had your bag of tools and you used them. That you didn’t have THE tool to keep a particular trauma from occurring doesn’t mean the entirety of your tool belt is useless. It means it’s time to dig through what you have and use it to your benefit.
Every single person on this site has already exercised their strength by having sought out and found this site. That step alone required an incredible amount of courage. Don't dismiss it. Acknowledge it. It's a big deal.
Whether you fight or take flight or just stand there makes no difference in the long run. One is not better than the other. Again, all of them are temporary solutions to ongoing problems. What matters is looking for, (re)discovering and acknowledging what you already have, what you’ve gained since the trauma, and using it all now to help yourself out.
I feel that ultimately I go into fight mode. For me this means standing my ground choosing not to allow someone or somegroup to intimidate or bully me or mine.
It certainly does not mean that I go round picking on anyone or starting fights, probably the worst thing you could call me would be a bully.
Thinking about it a person going into fight mode can allow many others to go into flight mode.
An example
You are in a McDonalds when a loud aggressive drunk walks in. Of course everyones thinking don't look at him hopefully they will chuck him out, but there are only youngsters working there who are also frightened and not sure what to do.
The drunk then takes some food from a table and starts eating it while still shouting threats around the room. Now people are embarressed and frightened.
When he goes to another table a bloke gets up to tell him to clear off, after more shouting they start fighting and many people run out.
It certainly does not mean that I go round picking on anyone or starting fights, probably the worst thing you could call me would be a bully.
Thinking about it a person going into fight mode can allow many others to go into flight mode.
An example
You are in a McDonalds when a loud aggressive drunk walks in. Of course everyones thinking don't look at him hopefully they will chuck him out, but there are only youngsters working there who are also frightened and not sure what to do.
The drunk then takes some food from a table and starts eating it while still shouting threats around the room. Now people are embarressed and frightened.
When he goes to another table a bloke gets up to tell him to clear off, after more shouting they start fighting and many people run out.
onebravegirl
Gold Member
Ever seen the movie The Edge?
Three guys lost in the mountains, being stalked by a Grizzly?
Each one reacts differently.
Very intresting to me.
Anger can be a tool to survive or a weight to hold you down.
Flight can be a retreat to safety or a retreat from growth.
Hmm
O
Three guys lost in the mountains, being stalked by a Grizzly?
Each one reacts differently.
Very intresting to me.
Anger can be a tool to survive or a weight to hold you down.
Flight can be a retreat to safety or a retreat from growth.
Hmm
O
growingpains
Silver Member
From reading this thread I am now questioning if I am actually a flight person. I follow the flight pattern when triggered, but I also tend to push away the people closest to me...I don't get angry, but I feel irritated as can be and use this to isolate. Is that fight or flight? It might just be flight and then the PTSD symptom of "irritation".
I have both
I lean toward flight when things get bad but at work if things get bad Im like an adreiline junkie (i work in a prison),...I run toward it and do what I have to do. Im a wreck afterwards
...also when dealing with my perpetrator I fought back..other times I knew not to provoke him it was all in self preservation...to stay alive....
I lean toward flight when things get bad but at work if things get bad Im like an adreiline junkie (i work in a prison),...I run toward it and do what I have to do. Im a wreck afterwards
...also when dealing with my perpetrator I fought back..other times I knew not to provoke him it was all in self preservation...to stay alive....
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- #24
JimmyJames902
Bronze Member
growingpains:
I think it's "flight" that you're describing (and you've described it very well).
In some instances I also push away the people closest to me. It's not a concious decision on my part, but I will just "drop off the radar" when I'm feeling under threat. I notice that I am unconciously seeking saftey all the time, and I scan other peoples' "vibes" to determine whether they are "safe" or not.
I think it's "flight" that you're describing (and you've described it very well).
In some instances I also push away the people closest to me. It's not a concious decision on my part, but I will just "drop off the radar" when I'm feeling under threat. I notice that I am unconciously seeking saftey all the time, and I scan other peoples' "vibes" to determine whether they are "safe" or not.
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