This is my story. I am currently 26 years old. I endured sexual, verbal, and physical abuse as a child by my own brother. I found out my other sibling was also abused in the same way after I thought it was over. Turned out he moved on to abuse someone else because I finally started to fight back. I wish I had finished the job years ago, turned him in, something, anything to protect others. I have realized that wasn't my fault, I did not cause anything to happen, that my older brother is a sociopath who would have hurt someone else no matter what I did.
However, the feeling of shame and guilt never leaves.
We told our parents about the abuse a couple years ago. We first told my mom, who told us not to tell our father for fear that he would "kill" our abuser and that it would ruin his life (my fathers and brothers). We complied with this, as our mother is a very narcissistic, selfish person (which I did not realize until very recently). To this day, my mom still protects my abuser. She still visits him, gives him money, and even allows him to stay in the same place as my younger brother, who still lives with our parents. She has to gaul to tell me about my abuser's current affairs as if we still get along. To be in a different state and hear of what my parents allow while my younger, vulnerable brother is forced to be in the same place as his abuser makes me sick to my stomach. What makes me even sicker is that my mom thinks I am only being a bitch by disagreeing with her feelings! And my dad is so easily manipulated by her and my older brother that he goes along with it. I feel like they are turning him against my little brother, who has never done a thing wrong.
I've been learning through therapy and research of my own that my parents are two very messed up individuals who most likely have severe personality disorders. My dad being either borderline or simply narcissistic and my mom being a "martyr narcissist" as my therapist puts it. Even if these aren't accurate descriptions, they sure as hell make more sense than anything else. When we told my father, he was immediately upset and in disbelief. He said my older brother was dead to him. He refused to speak to him. He also placed a lot of blame on my mother for allowing this to go on as it was; without him knowing, with my older brother still allowed over.
Now, important to know is that my older brother is the oldest of us all. He is their first born son, their "golden child". He went to a good school and got a "good job" after college. Whereas, I have spent my whole life being considered special ed and have been attempting college for the past 8 years on and off (lol). My little brother is still in school, but I can tell it is just as hard for him to focus as it is for me. I believe our troubles with school and focusing on work, etc. has something to do with us having been abused. I have no doubt in my mind that if we were never molested, we would be two functioning adults with degrees and jobs. But I know these things are not as important as feeling whole again, so school is no longer a big deal to me as I have found good paying jobs without a degree. Anyway, despite my dad's reaction at first, he has continued to allow him into the same home as my other brother, and even blames Bryan for his current situation (depressed, unemployed, etc.). My parents are assholes.
Anyway, the most recent ridiculousness I have had to endure involves a phone call with my rapist/brother, who claimed he was raped and abused by an old soccer coach when he was little, was him telling me didn't remember details of his abuse, or the abuse he caused me. I have been seriously wanting to contact authorities about his alleged abuser who most certainly would have other victims, if my brother is even being honest. At first I totally believed him. He was very convincing and was the only thing that could possibly explain why he ended up being an abuser.
When I told my therapist about this yesterday, and his unwillingness to give me his coach's name, she told me that he could be lying, as horrible as it sounds. He has a history of lying, cheating, manipulating to get his way, and possible animal abuse...along with being a damn molester/rapist. This brought up the notion that he is probably just a straight-up sociopath, which I am inclined to believe 99%. I thought he felt bad for what he had done, but for all the excuses he uses for not reporting his abuser and not taking responsibility for what he has done to me, I find it more and more possible that he has no conscience whatsoever, and that he is a rather good liar. At this point, I am really at a loss for what to do.
I would like to report him to the police now, but I am afraid they wouldn't really do anything. My therapist said all I can really do is get a temporary restraining order. And also that I probably won't have a relationship with my parents anymore if they continue to support him. I am getting married in a few years and the fact that I told my mom my ABUSER wouldn't be invited made her cry. She acts like I am out to hurt her. That I hate her and am exacting "revenge" on her. I am now convinced she doesn't really feel empathy for me, and rather only feels it for herself. Like this is happening to her, rather than having happened to US (my little brother and me).
I am at a crossroads; to stay in contact with my parents, or completely separate myself from them.
I am really disappointed. I feel like I have been let down my whole life by the people that raised me. The continued support for my rapist has also been weighing heavy on soul...ripping me to pieces inside. But I can't allow this to happen to me anymore, or to my little brother. Baby brother whom I couldn't protect...my only real family.
I hope to find a resolution for us. I also always hoped my mother would come to her senses one day and realize how damn selfish she is being, but now it seems more likely that she will never be the way I want her to be, or need her to be.
This is starting to effect all areas of my life, including work and relationships. I just needed to vent because I need to know that I am not wrong for feeling this way.
Any comments are appreciated.
Struggling in silence no more.
However, the feeling of shame and guilt never leaves.
We told our parents about the abuse a couple years ago. We first told my mom, who told us not to tell our father for fear that he would "kill" our abuser and that it would ruin his life (my fathers and brothers). We complied with this, as our mother is a very narcissistic, selfish person (which I did not realize until very recently). To this day, my mom still protects my abuser. She still visits him, gives him money, and even allows him to stay in the same place as my younger brother, who still lives with our parents. She has to gaul to tell me about my abuser's current affairs as if we still get along. To be in a different state and hear of what my parents allow while my younger, vulnerable brother is forced to be in the same place as his abuser makes me sick to my stomach. What makes me even sicker is that my mom thinks I am only being a bitch by disagreeing with her feelings! And my dad is so easily manipulated by her and my older brother that he goes along with it. I feel like they are turning him against my little brother, who has never done a thing wrong.
I've been learning through therapy and research of my own that my parents are two very messed up individuals who most likely have severe personality disorders. My dad being either borderline or simply narcissistic and my mom being a "martyr narcissist" as my therapist puts it. Even if these aren't accurate descriptions, they sure as hell make more sense than anything else. When we told my father, he was immediately upset and in disbelief. He said my older brother was dead to him. He refused to speak to him. He also placed a lot of blame on my mother for allowing this to go on as it was; without him knowing, with my older brother still allowed over.
Now, important to know is that my older brother is the oldest of us all. He is their first born son, their "golden child". He went to a good school and got a "good job" after college. Whereas, I have spent my whole life being considered special ed and have been attempting college for the past 8 years on and off (lol). My little brother is still in school, but I can tell it is just as hard for him to focus as it is for me. I believe our troubles with school and focusing on work, etc. has something to do with us having been abused. I have no doubt in my mind that if we were never molested, we would be two functioning adults with degrees and jobs. But I know these things are not as important as feeling whole again, so school is no longer a big deal to me as I have found good paying jobs without a degree. Anyway, despite my dad's reaction at first, he has continued to allow him into the same home as my other brother, and even blames Bryan for his current situation (depressed, unemployed, etc.). My parents are assholes.
Anyway, the most recent ridiculousness I have had to endure involves a phone call with my rapist/brother, who claimed he was raped and abused by an old soccer coach when he was little, was him telling me didn't remember details of his abuse, or the abuse he caused me. I have been seriously wanting to contact authorities about his alleged abuser who most certainly would have other victims, if my brother is even being honest. At first I totally believed him. He was very convincing and was the only thing that could possibly explain why he ended up being an abuser.
When I told my therapist about this yesterday, and his unwillingness to give me his coach's name, she told me that he could be lying, as horrible as it sounds. He has a history of lying, cheating, manipulating to get his way, and possible animal abuse...along with being a damn molester/rapist. This brought up the notion that he is probably just a straight-up sociopath, which I am inclined to believe 99%. I thought he felt bad for what he had done, but for all the excuses he uses for not reporting his abuser and not taking responsibility for what he has done to me, I find it more and more possible that he has no conscience whatsoever, and that he is a rather good liar. At this point, I am really at a loss for what to do.
I would like to report him to the police now, but I am afraid they wouldn't really do anything. My therapist said all I can really do is get a temporary restraining order. And also that I probably won't have a relationship with my parents anymore if they continue to support him. I am getting married in a few years and the fact that I told my mom my ABUSER wouldn't be invited made her cry. She acts like I am out to hurt her. That I hate her and am exacting "revenge" on her. I am now convinced she doesn't really feel empathy for me, and rather only feels it for herself. Like this is happening to her, rather than having happened to US (my little brother and me).
I am at a crossroads; to stay in contact with my parents, or completely separate myself from them.
I am really disappointed. I feel like I have been let down my whole life by the people that raised me. The continued support for my rapist has also been weighing heavy on soul...ripping me to pieces inside. But I can't allow this to happen to me anymore, or to my little brother. Baby brother whom I couldn't protect...my only real family.
I hope to find a resolution for us. I also always hoped my mother would come to her senses one day and realize how damn selfish she is being, but now it seems more likely that she will never be the way I want her to be, or need her to be.
This is starting to effect all areas of my life, including work and relationships. I just needed to vent because I need to know that I am not wrong for feeling this way.
Any comments are appreciated.
Struggling in silence no more.
