Finding Balance

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington, we can be different and have different perceptions and experiences w...

Instead of realizing that I'm struggling greatly you chose to get nit picky over my choice of the word "we"? Ok, I'm sorry. I guess I just assumed that since the stress cup analogy is used greatly here that many of us struggle with getting stressed out easily. I realize that we are all different, but when someone is struggling to the point that I am, I think it's invalidating to tell them that we're all different. I guess the "we're all different" reply could be used in any post, really-------but it brings comfort to no one who is struggling to not hold themselves to the standards of others. It actually skirts the issue of hearing people when they want to be heard. It's a platitude, right?

 

[Justmehere]

If someone else were in your shoes Eve, would you judge them as harshly as you judge yourself? If not, why hold yourself to this much higher standard?

Saying "everyone is different" may or may not be a platitude, but sometimes those sayings have a lot of truth in them. Sometimes the truth that everyone is different is comforting to some people. If it's not comforting to you, that's ok. Sometimes the person saying them is doing the best they can to hear you and support you and encourage you -- like I think @scout86 was trying to do.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't have anything smart to offer - but I want to let you know that I've been thinking these thou...

No, I don't get moments where it's ok to be where I am. It's always a struggle and most of the time I just hide away from the world instead of trying to constantly defend myself------something I cannot do as I end up on the losing end no matter what. It's kind of why most of the time I just want to die.

 

[Justmehere]

No, I don't get moments where it's ok to be where I am.... It's kind of why most of the time I just want to die.

Is it that you are not ok with where you are? Or that others are not ok? Or both?

I'm so sorry you are hurting this badly - not meant as a platitude. This is my tire thought.

Have you ever considered DBT therapy? There's a lot about DBT that is focused on balance and acceptance. One of the overarching principles of DBT is that things are as they are, and they need to change. You are doing the best you can, and yet it's clear you want and need things to improve. Maybe DBT could help with a great sense of peace with yourself within the battle.

If you have already tried it or it doesn't fit for you, then please disregard.

You are in a lot of pain and your life has such great value. Both things are true. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Nothing wrong with moving slow, one day at a time. As long as you are going forward , it's still...

Thanks elevatorguy. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington -I struggle with this too

Thanks @Snowflake :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington, we can be different and have different perceptions and experiences w...

Should I just go away because my struggles are because I'm different?

Do I have no right to reach out for help because my struggles are different?

Should I just go kill myself because nothing is going to improve since I'm just different than everyone else?

I feel it's like patting someone on the head while saying "now, now sweetie, no need to get your panties in a bunch. Just calm down because we're all different"

I've always been a freak in school and in life who has never fit in anywhere (let alone actually had friends) so sorry if I get upset when someone tells me I'm different. It's like a kick in the teeth, give up, because you're such a weirdo that you'll never be like anyone else. Ever.

 

[scout86]

I wasn't going to reply to this again, because I'm pretty sure nothing I'm going to say is going to make you feel better right now and I think that's the point of the thread. But this won't be my first mistake.

The statement that were all different can be thought of as a platitude, but it's also a fact. Your original question seemed be asking what others found useful to realign their expectations of themselves with reality. For me, considering that no two people are alike helps me remember/realize that whatever I'm doing, the best I can do at the moment, is enough. It was NOT meant to suggest that you should just "go away" because your experience is different. I actually thought I said exactly that. Twice.

What I think about you and your struggles is that you should continue to look for strategies that work and cut yourself some slack with regard to score keeping. "Whatever works" is a big part of my philosophy of life. That means absolutely nothing to anyone but me. If it's useful, great. If not drive on.

 

[EveHarrington]

I apologize @scout86 i was triggered when writing/responding to this thread and was unable to see things from a different point of view. I am sorry for that. :hug:

 

[intothelight]

@EveHarrington I try to find "the balance" multiple times during the day. I push myself and then when I think it is safe to push more, some days I can and some days I can't. That is what I find most frustrating is just how much my tolerance for stress, activity or even the mental processing of complicated tasks can vary from day to day.

It is depressing in that it is hard to measure consistent progress and it can be discouraging and exhausting trying to navigate the variations. Not sure that I have anything really helpful to offer other than I am trying to figure it out to. Its one thing to have hopes, dreams, goals and then try to figure out how to get there.

 

[Jen888]

PTSD....
Lately I’ve picked up meditation with an app called Headspace. I figured it was cheaper than therapy, which has not been helping lately. The most frustrating thing about PTSD for me, is the roller coaster ride it can take you on. Meditation, so far is helping me to reshape my thoughts and my feelings. After 10 years I’m so tired of letting my PTSD win because I’m tired. I understand what your going through, I’m going through a tough few days myself. Your not alone, and you will be okay. I guess adjusting is part of the struggle when dealing with PTSD... it sure is annoying to re-adjust all the time... but it’s just something I’ve had to accept. At least I haven’t found any other way to avoid adjusting.