Flashback Accompanied By Physical Pain

[Born to Run]

And it's not possible to use on your own if not well grounded in your body,

If we speak about long frozen episodes it is possible for me to go through those at home regardless of being very grounded, but I could be wrong. It is true that I am a ridiculously grounded person and have done quite a lot of real somatic work at home.

It's f*cking difficult because you have to be inside your body...just getting there and staying there is most of the work.

This is very individual, because if you are grounded this is the easiest part.

 

[Chava]

This is very individual, because if you are grounded this is the easiest part.

So I do think of trauma as fundamentally ungrounding. Where did you learn grounding, or did you never feel disconnected from your body as a result of your trauma (why SE is particularly helpful for me...I am disconnected and disembodied and grew up that way).

But it's been more helpful than other therapies for helping me realize what I can do on my own, between sessions. But no, I don't do somatic trauma work on my own. I work with the energy sometimes, a little bit and can often sidestep a major meltdown these days (not lately so much), but that's taken a few years of feeling supported in slowly returning to my body. Too f*cking scary to do alone and when I think of the work I've done in therapy, I would not have known or been able to approach it alone. Tools, yes. But not self help before working with a SE therapist.

ETA: aside from the support and educated guidance through SE, a big issue is having the safety net and also "witness" to rework the trauma in new ways, to resolve it. On my own, the real trauma work is not quite resolved because there is the 2-way connection of having a non-abusive other, the corrective experience, and also the validation. All that relational stuff, aside from the somatic work itself. But probably with my trauma, my SE work really is also tied to the relational and corrective stuff that I do not have happening all by myself, but in the context of connection.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

Thanks for the feedback.

I know almost nothing about somatic experiencing, but it sounds intriguing. I know my therapist doesn't do it, and I'm not looking to switch therapists. But I am interested in it. I've got so many memories that bring physical pain with them... anything that would help to eliminate or even just take the edge off the pain would be welcome to me. I have hydrocodone that I take for my badly damaged leg, but it doesn't do anything for the pain caused by the memories.

I definitely have a disconnect from my body. It comes through in the form of nasty illnesses because I don't notice the symptoms until things get way out of hand. Same with injuries - things that could have been healed with a week or two of rest get out of control because I don't notice the pain. My therapist has done quite a bit of work to help me get in touch with my body. We did this thing where I made a list of emotions and then filled in an outline of my body with where I physically felt each emotion. That was tough to do. We still pull out that diagram if I am having trouble identifying an emotion. Is that related to the SE therapy that you are talking about?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

We did this thing where I made a list of emotions and then filled in an outline of my body with where I physically felt each emotion. That was tough to do. We still pull out that diagram if I am having trouble identifying an emotion. Is that related to the SE therapy that you are talking about?

That sounds pretty awesome therapy! My therapist also isnt an SE therapist so its all greek to me & also dont want to change therapist but i also would love to know/learn

 

[Chava]

I've got so many memories that bring physical pain with them... anything that would help to eliminate or even just take the edge off the pain would be welcome to me.

For me it's mostly about learning how to notice pain and respond before it gets out of control. The work with my therapist has helped and it sounds like your therapist is helping you with that too, maybe just in a slightly different way. It does just seem to take a long time. I often don't notice until things get bad too...though it's gradually getting better.

I definitely have a disconnect from my body. It comes through in the form of nasty illnesses because I don't notice the symptoms until things get way out of hand.

Yes...I don't get sick much, but my pain can get out of control and my mood plummets with it...I feel like I'm swamped, dying, trapped...all kinds of horrid feelings of being immobilized, even annihilated.

My therapist has done quite a bit of work to help me get in touch with my body.

That's great. I think a lot of trauma therapists do this. SE isn't the only trauma therapy that includes attention to the body and sensations, or how our feelings connect to our body (so obvious with the whole nervous system situation of trauma). SE just focused quite directly on the body, though even some SE therapists include a lot of talk therapy too. I don't talk much and it works better for me, personally.

We still pull out that diagram if I am having trouble identifying an emotion. Is that related to the SE therapy that you are talking about?

Not really, but if it's helpful, this sounds like a good idea...anything that helps you feel safely connected to your body. I've found some yoga rest poses that I like...and a few of the more strengthening ones that feel empowering. Any kind of body practice can be helpful because it places attention on the body and being connected. That can also be threatening or backfire, so helpful to do in conjunction with therapy and probably keeping notes. Ex: yoga can often make my symptoms worse, so I say f*ck it and totally quit yoga or any kind of mind-body exercise for a few weeks. But I can tolerate some poses, or really slow moving yoga, or just 10-20 minutes. So it's about finding what is helpful, which also seems to involve a few setbacks along the way because it's pretty experimental. My body overreacts. I don't get sore or achy...I just go right to stabbing pains and spasms.

But sometimes with fleeting pains and sensations that are connected to memories I can do the pushing thing, or just wrap myself in a soft blanket and feel protected....these are very different responses and it has taken a while to figure out what helps and when. And it's far from perfect, but progress...

Most important you feel like you have a good therapist for you and a helpful connection. Sounds like your therapist is creative and willing to work on the body stuff in ways that help you, so that sounds really good. Probably normal it will just take time and experimenting and finding what helps. My therapist is quite process-oriented (finding what works for me, encouraging me to notice what works for me) and though I don't know much about your therapist, just what you describe here, this sounds fairly process-oriented and geared towards helping you find what will help you heal. That's most important I think. Probably I could find another SE therapist and not do well because the connection wouldn't be right.

So stick with your therapist if the fit and therapy feels right. If you can find other body-centered resources to try, just keep some notes and also share with your therapist what you notice or what seems to help.

 

[BlueOrange]

In the mid 80s, I was neglected after having broken my leg. When I feel neglected, I can get terrible pain in my leg, and lose the ability to bend my knee. Rubbing my leg helps - creating a new set of sensations that conflicts with the remembered sensations seems to help me separate the past from the present.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

In the mid 80s, I was neglected after having broken my leg. When I feel neglected, I can get terrible pain in my leg, and lose the ability to bend my knee. Rubbing my leg helps - creating a new set of sensations that conflicts with the remembered sensations seems to help me separate the past from the present.

Wow, thats intresting. Boggles my mind how the human brain works! Gonna have to think about this but thanks!

Not meaning to take over the thread or anything, just have the same issue and also looking for answers.

 

[Powder]

John Upledger's book talks about how trauma puts energy into the body that has to then 'exit' via the same route. He senses it as orbs that become lodged in the energy body of the survivor. This is called Somato-Emotional Release. He was an MD. Is it real? I don't know at all. It's just a theory to me.

However, I was in so much pain that I couldn't stand for months and one visit to a very talented chiropractor fixed it. He was very sought after because he simply touched you and the pain was gone. Ever seen Green Mile? These people exist.

I believe that some body workers can relieve this stuff as natural healers who can draw things out to the surface and in some cases be totally removed. Some massage therapists do Reiki which is similar, but short term relief in most cases, I have read.

I also agree that it is a message from the body about what happened intended for you to understand what you lived through in order to show yourself unconditional compassion, as said by @Poofycat . I agree about that. If I can reach that state of self-love, the issue will usually resolve itself. I don't know why or how. Just that I have to allow the memory to come forward and to integrate it into my history and identity. I have to accept it happened, and to treat myself with compassion. This is a work in progress. It'd be nice if a healer could just yank it out sometimes. But then I wouldn't have to learn anything other than "accepting help from others" which is actually a good lesson for me to learn, as well.

 

[Born to Run]

@ShodokanJenn
Since you are interested in SE, the person behind SE, Peter Levine has written a book called:
Freedom from Pain: Discover Your Body's Power to Overcome Physical Pain

Dead Link Removed

From Amazon:

If you are suffering chronic pain-even after years of surgery, rehabilitation, and medication-only one question matters: How do I find lasting relief? With Freedom from Pain, two pioneers in the field of pain and trauma recovery address a crucial missing factor essential to long-term healing: addressing the unresolved emotional trauma held within the body.

Maybe this is helpful for you, as they mention it can be used for self-care.

 

[Born to Run]

did you never feel disconnected from your body as a result of your trauma

No never disconnected from my body, probably the only thing I did not disconnect from ;-)