Flashbacks Without Memories?

[BeatenMan]

I often will get triggered by some event, word, image, etc. I don't really have any memories, I don't get any visual, auditory or an other sensations. I usually just have body memory type symptoms. I feel like I'm being physically crushed, I get the shakes, and then dissociate. I have a rush of emotions, get very upset and depressed. I usually have the Suicidal thoughts start rushing. It's not so much of thinking about doing the act but just wanting the relief of it all being over. What is this? Is it a flashback, is it just anxiety?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I do this a lot and handle it ok but just confused.

 

[DMerish]

Your body has physical sensations and you experience emotional feelings; I believe folks call it an "emotional flashback" . . . emotions are really fast . . . think about something/someone that makes you really happy . . . What's the progression of your experience?

 

[BeatenMan]

Thanks for the response D. It just comes on like a flood. I feel totally out of control and the physical and emotions all just hit at once. I feel totally panicked for a minute or two and then the dissociation seems to hit. I just sort of shut down. I feel like I know at some cognitive level that it will pass but just feels so out of control. I guess it happens frequently enough and I have enough experience to know it will pass at some point so I sort of just wait it out. Many times its when my stress cup overflows, this process is set into motion. One other thing I have noticed is that once this happens, i seem to have a week to ten days that are pretty rough. Its almost as if when my stress cup finally overflows it takes several days to get it back to a normal state. This may sound like total nonsense. I just dont know anymore but thats the best I can describe it.

 

[Tolkienian]

No idea what these are, but I get them too. Intense physical pain, then emotional issues--usually sadness and helplessness for me. I call them "body flashbacks" or just body memories. I haven't figured out any coping tools other than the ones I use for flashbacks, but they're only moderately helpful.

In response to your last post, it happens very similarly to me too! I can wake up having one, or one will just start. Generally, though, I can't dissociate out of these. The next few days are very very rough, because these are so emotionally and physically exhausting for me. (They also usually come when I'm having tons of nightmares, so I rarely get much sleep.) Sorry you have to deal with these too.

 

[BeatenMan]

Im sorry you deal with this to but glad im not alone in this. Very cute dog by the way. Sadness and Helplessness are very much the emotions I feel. I can go from feeling like Im making progress to just feeling so overwhelmed there is no hope. On the nightmares, i know I have them but cant remember them. I wake up startled but can never recall what it was about. I almost feel like I know what kind of day im going to have in the first 15 minutes. My T says that this faulty thinking but when I wash my hair multiple times because I forget I already washed it, I pretty well know my day of trying to be productive at work is pretty well not going to happen. At least my hair is extremely soft I guess, :tup:

 

[macca]

Hi there, I get this sort of thing too, but have no memory of an actual event. I get visual ones, and weird ones where I "feel" someone there, but it stops before they "do" anything, the furthest it gets is feeling like they are grabbing my head. Sometimes I'll feel physical pain. I can get triggered if I am grabbed when I'm hyperaroused - I'll scream but I'm not conscious of "being there" - all I'm aware of is hearing myself scream. I don't know how to classify those experiences - is that a flashback? Straight after I'll get an emotional response, but it's like it's someone else having the emotions, I can't describe it, it's so weird. It's like it's disconnected somehow. Maybe that's dissociation? I never seem to know what I'm experiencing with this stuff. There are definitely nightmares, at the moment it's usually of being pursued by murderers, but I don't remember a lot of them, sometimes don't even wake up.

Then I'll have the strong emotional ones like you mentioned. They seem to happen separately to the other type. I'll just be wracked with sadness and despair, and I too get suicidal impulses at those times, and it seems like I can be triggered by any interpersonal encounter with intense emotions. The aftermath is pretty rotten.

I find my responses really confusing, and sometimes I'm not sure if I'm getting flashbacks, whether I'm dissociating, or what! I only know that it probably isn't "normal". So I don't think I've brought you any clarity!!! Only more confusion!!!

 

[franciemarnie]

The Body Remembers. That's a great book too by Babette Rothschild about healing PTSD. Your body is trying to help, to heal and release. It recorded everything. It doesn't feel good a lot of times. The past was buried and has come up for air. It's hard to think that pain can be a sign of healing, but sometimes it is.

 

[Bluerose]

No expert by any means but I have heard of muscle memory and body memory. I believe this to be things your body may feel at certain times or in certain situations even when you have no thought attached to it. It may leave you wondering what’s going on. I’m told reassuring yourself over and over helps.

 

[Mommyof5]

I am going through this too and I didn't understand it. It also (is it this way for you?) makes me feel like what I am experiencing could be invalid because my memory has no recollection, like there is no recording playing in my head, just my body physically/nervously changes. After the episode, the depression follows. I think I know how you feel. It makes living hard when you go through it.

 

[Red Feather]

I have this too. Like I suddenly feel trapped and I am shaking, and I can totally lose control of myself emotionally, and then I get the intrusive thoughts. Its a flashback, just not a visual one. There are lots of ways to have flashback, or in other words to rexperience something, even if it is not clear from which memory it matches up too. My personal opinion is that the memory is not in my consciouss awareness, so I dont have a memory associated with it.