General For New Carers - Coming Here Out Of Desperation

[seedling]

He can only get help for himself when he chooses too. Setting boundaries on what you will and will not accept as behavior towards yourself will help bounce the consequences back to his side and may help him see what he needs to do. It's about him being responsible for his stuff instead of making you responsible for it.

Find support for yourself (as you have done) and maybe an alternate place to go if things get beyond what you are willing to accept. Hope the baby is well and growing.

 

[ISupportHer]

I was listening to Sirius radio today, the Doctor Channel, or something like that. They have a 2 hour Psychiatry discussion on Tuesdays, it turns out. Anyway they were talking about alcoholism and how the alcoholic has to raech bottom and answer their own "alarm". This is true of so much in life really, but certainly the case for PTSD. So many others here will respond to your question with, "you can't" (do it for him). He has to want to help himself and get to the point of doing the work. Obviously, I do not know know your entire story.

The important thing for YOU, is that you work to help with what YOU can control. And it is awesome that you sound like you are working at that. On meds, seeing a therapist. There is no easy fix but we are all here for each other. Some suggestions are right on target, maybe some are not a good fit. Hope you find support here!

ISH

 

[Jim Stavros]

I am really happy I found this place...so many things now make sense to me, and it has helped us in our relationship (we're not BF/GF just friends) I hope to learn more. Thanks to everyone in here!

 

[MsPositive40]

I am new to this forum, and so far I have learned so many things about this terible disorder called PTSD.

My boyfriend well exboyfriend as he broke up with me a week ago because he says i deserve someone that can give me all the love that i deserve, I love him with all my heart and im not going to give up on us. I know he loves me and he knows that I adore him, so with that said I just want to thank everyone in this forum that has given us the carers the best advice they can. You guys are the best! I cant really talk to my family and friends because they just wont understand, they will tell me just move on I can do better, dont settle for second best and all that other stuff I really do not want to hear.

So I sent a letter to my boyfriend (ex) today by mail he probably will receive it tomorrow or wednesday the latest as we live in the same state, I hope when he reads it, it will move him a little and call me!

 

[huntter27]

Hello all, I would like to start out by saying I found this site out of dumb luck, I have been searching and searching all other sites for information about PTSD and I havent looked further since I found this. A very short backround, I fall into the carer role. I have been with someone for about only about 6 months (which is a VERY short time) now and it has been hard some of the time and it is just recently that I am learning about the PTSD effect that has casued some of the actions that are portraid.

I truly love the person I am with and I have found so many answers in the forums here. With that said I didnt come here out of desperation in fact it was a learning quest to find out the most I could about this and find the right ways I could help. I totally agree with so many people in that no help will come unless the sufferer is willing to work on themselves.

I mostly want to that everyone for the truly honest posts and as a new comer I can say this is some of the best information on the subject that can be found. Also i will add if any advise as a newby is offered I will take it with open arms. There is a lot of threads here and some good advise could be right in front of me but I would never know it.

Thanks

 

[confusion too]

In a very similar position MsPositive40, my ex boyfriend broke up with me a week ago- same reasons, and he just can't feel just feels numb. I know he loves me, makes me so sad I don't want to give up on him either. How did your letter go?

Full post quote removed by Amethist>

 

[CitizenMabel]

I've suspected for a little bit that I've been tip toeing around my Sufferer (in the interest of full discloser, it's Gamereign555,) and therapy yesterday helped me to really see that. My family has a hard time understanding what he goes through (particularly my dad, who has a hard time believing in psychological issues, and I suspect that he has undiagnosed PTSD, or some issue.) I often feel like I'm stuck in the middle between them and have to choose one or the other. This last week I realized I needed a support system because I was having a hard time coping with things on my own, and Gamer has always encouraged me to give the forum a try. I really look forward to the help and support here.

 

[amethist]

You very welcome to be here CitizenMable.

Loads of good advice, support, a shoulder to cry on when needed and a few laughs along the way.

Take good care of you too.

Amethist

 

[Trembling]

I am also quite new in this forum, but the short time in here, reading and learning, helped me to understand more about our situation. I know it will help me also in future, to support me as the carer when I need to be selfish, but also to give me advice on how to deal with my man when his mood takes over.

Thank you all for the help!

 

[Bluenow]

I am so happy I found this site...I was beginning as a carer to wonder what was going on in my relationship with my grandson....but after reading I understand that it is OK to set some boundaries.... I found myself walking on eggshells and will slowly find the boundaries I need to be a good and loving carer..thank you all..

 

[Pebbles]

Can someone tell me more about the boundaries? My BF has asked for space, but has still kept in contact with me. He has assured me everything is fine, but this is something that he must do himself. His PTSD is managed. The only thing is that contact is mainly on his terms. I feel like he is in control of the whole relationship at this point. Is this just part of it?

 

[amethist]

Hi Pebbels

Here are a few threads that you may like to read, different ones about Boundaries.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/i-put-up-boundaries.8393/[/DLMURL]

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/boundaries-but-not-consequences.8913/[/DLMURL]

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/not-taking-it-personally-v-s-setting-boundaries.7966/[/DLMURL]