For Those Who Have Ptsd And Are 'overweight'

[Seasounds]

I am writing this, to find 'withness'. My situation has certain psychological/trauma complexities, and I'd like to find out if other people have similiar or different dynamics.

When I work with my relationship with food, it involves balancing: not being allowed to eat-as a form of punishment, being forced to eat-shoved at me, not being allowed to eat at home-so I eat more away from home, being told to go find food somewhere else-so I most always stop to get food to eat on my way home, and having food 'pulled away out of my hands'-so I crumble food. So I deal with fear of starvation, fear of eating at home, destroying food.

It has never worked to ignore these memories when I try to change my food pattern. Working with them, is an on-going work in progress.

Anyone else deal with any of these issues?

 

[Suzetig]

I'm overweight and am coming to realise I have a complicated relationship with food. I don't have the issues you have as such but use food to punish myself, hide shameful feelings and for self soothing (it's not unusual for me to find comfort in being punished). I've literally just started to think about my food issues - after 2 years of therapy. I can sit with you in this one but have no answers.

 

[Seasounds]

Thanks for your words. Yes, I, too, reach to and use food to sooth me, and as mentioned, will destroy food when I feel I have done something, 'punishable'.

I find that just 'changing' habits may work for a while, but my underlying memories/childhood conflicts still need an outlet. I've thought to let myself have intentional time for both, while I continue to build and integrate 'healthier' patterns.
It is almost akin to 'living with PTSD', instead of trying to ignore PTSD.

 

[Stickler]

Hmm...we could tell when it was coming, in our house, so it was a relief when we finally got hit for something. Then we knew we would be ok...I wonder if that's why punishments are soothing here, too?

I guess someone in here remembered what dad did...and decided we'd get fat to be too gross for him.

I feel stoned on too much food. I am packing weight back on, need to rope it in.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Food is a problem for me. Sometimes I don't realize how much I've eaten until my stomach starts to hurt. That trips guilt and a whole group of other negative feelings.

 

[Sandstone]

My problems with food are related to my distance from my body. I don't recognise hunger or fullness signals properly, and they both seem to be related to things other than food. It has advantages. At the moment I'm shedding .5lb a week by not eating until midday.

 

[The Albatross]

I swung both ways as a younger woman... but my mother was grossly obese due to binge eating. My obesity was due largely to a physical health condition and steroids. On my own I tended to meal skip... something that to this day I get quizzed about by my mister. At periods after traumatic situations I dropped a large amount of weight and was underweight significantly 3 times. Now I am slightly heavier than average and seem to be stabilized though I would like to lose 10 more pounds or so.

 

[Changing4Best]

I was always as a young child very skinny, so my parents forced me to finish all the food on my plate, even when I was not hungry. I now eat everything on my plate (and too quickly) even though I may be going past when I was satisfied. I have been battling a weight problem for over a decade now. I am down to my ideal weight, but it has taken belonging to weight loss Bible Study groups to achieve that and keep the weight off.

When I was a child, I was forced to sit at the table for hours, until I finished all the food on my plate! If I did not finish it by the next meal, I had to sit there and eat it at that meal too! I hated to eat when I was a child, because food was part of my molestation instances. (My parents forced me to eat, but it was a grandfather that did the molesting). He forced me to do unthinkable things to him with oatmeal in my mouth!

 

[VioletButterfly]

I've had a complex relationship with food since I was a child. I used it as a friend and to soothe myself, I think. I had food denied to me, was made to eat in my room as a teenager, and told that I was not allowed to eat anything my stepfather had prepared. I've had disordered eating for as long as I can remember. Then, I was deeply in the throws of an official eating disorder in my 40's and am still struggling now. The hard-core eating disorders have been about control (anorexia) and coping/numbing (bulimia) right now. In learning about eating disorders, the first thing you are told is that it is not about the food, it's about what's driving the behavior. So, it is in getting to the emotions and issues underlying your PTSD, that will help you with your food issues/behaviors. I hope that makes sense. I'm a little fuzzy brained today. VB

 

[Booknerd]

I too use food as a coping mechanism. When I was little, there wasn't food in the house much of the time. We didn't have money for food but she had money for segrams 7 and Pall Mall golds.
My sister and I sneaked away and picked any fruit we could find. When there wasn't any we dug out all the change in mama's pocketbook and walk to the gas station to the snack machine. That was scary sometimes. We would pick up glass bottles and cash them in so we could eat something. We had enough to each get a pack of crackers and a drink most times.
I know I use my corpulence to hide myself from the world and to comfort me when I can't get the memories to stop coming. I hope it gets easier for you saetva.

 

[void]

Food issues are never about the 'actual' food.
Those that are obese interact with food through their psychology.