For Those Without Family, How Do You Spend Christmas?

[Ronin]

And tool-less movement? Just for movement's sake?

 

[desiderata310]

Not so much. Like I said, it will be ok. It's JUST another day.

 

[Ronin]

(Thoughts of kindness & care & light for you, Desi.)

 

[Tinyflame]

Just a thought that occurred to me.. do others feel a lot of energy, shame etc, goes in to hiding the circumstances around Christmas/ family etc, answering questions, etc?

(Part of the difficulty = hiding the difficulty, dodging stuff, hiding stuff, etc? )

 

[sun seeker]

do others feel a lot of energy, shame etc, goes in to hiding the circumstances around Christmas/ family etc, answering questions, etc?

I used to. I remember complaining bitterly about this in years past. This year, the balance has tipped. I'm doing a lot less pretending. I got to the point where I just didn't have the energy. Or something like that. I tell a brief, no-frills version of the truth. People can react however they want. And just maybe, some of the people I used to feel I had to put up an "everything is fine" front with will be relieved, because there must be a lot of others out there pretending to be fine when they're not, too, and maybe I can help them feel they can stop pretending. And I'm a lot more fine when not pretending to be fine, than I was when I was pretending to be fine when I wasn't. (Now try saying that three times fast!)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @sun seeker . :p

Good for you. :tup: True, really. :hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, there's the Christmas Eve Service at church, which will be very special this year, as always.

 

[scout86]

Just a thought that occurred to me.. do others feel a lot of energy, shame etc, goes in to hiding the circumstances around Christmas/ family etc, answering questions, etc?

At the risk of outing myself as a horrible, ungrateful "child". My last surviving parent (who was the most complicated one) died in April. Due to events surrounding that, my "brother the narc" isn't speaking to me. In fact, it appears that no one on my mom's side of the family is speaking to me. Soooooooo, this year, there's actually no one to keep up appearances FOR. If anyone in "the real world" asks, the answer is to the effect that "No, I'm not going anywhere for Christmas" or "No, I don't have any family" or something to that effect. It's actually kind of liberating. I can handle things how ever I want and don't need to pretend anything to anyone. It turns out that when you look someone right in the eye and give a blunt, unflinching, honest answer to those kinds of questions, people seem not to know what to do with it and they change the subject.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I'm trying to reclaim the holiday this year. Easier said than done. Decorated a tree for myself, wrapped gifts underneath for friends. Trying to remember that I can take care of myself and make the home and the holiday I never really had.

I'm trying to remember the good parts, the parts about my sister and I when we were young, but it's hard, for sure.

And yes to it really just being another day in the calendar ....

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess I 'feel' it's my fault/ have done something wrong for it to be so.

 

[sun seeker]

(((@Junebug))) You haven't done anything wrong. I know, it's easier to know that from the outside than the inside. That's why you have us to remind you. Sending lots of warm, supportive thoughts your way.

 

[Tinyflame]

That is so very very kind @sun seeker . Because it is really how I feel, more than involving any other thoughts about it. I will keep your words to re-read this Christmastime. I am very moved. :notworthy:

:notworthy: :hug: :hug: Beautiful Christmas to your sweet self xox. :hug: