For Those Without Family, How Do You Spend Christmas?

[Nyssa]

Hello, everything is in the title...

I broke all ties with my family. Parents and brother were abusive, I press charges (rape) against them. And basically, my extented family either picked their side or remained "neutral" which means they didn't take my side. So I am not seing anyone anymore.

I'm single. And I don't have children. I'm 32, so I still have a few years left to build a family, but right now it doesn't seem like something I am capable of.

Christmas is always a tough time of the year for me. It reminds me I don't have a family of origin anymore.

More broadly, it emphasizes my loneliness.

So far, I have always found friends to spend Xmas with, either with their family or just them. I didn't celebrate Xmas per se, it was just a matter of not being alone.

But this year, I don't feel like doing anything. I believe I have come to the point where finding friends not to be alone on Christmas eve makes me sadder than just not celebrating Xmas.

I am not religious. So for me, Xmas is a family gathering and/or a special time of the year for children.
It doesn't make much sense to me to celebrate Xmas if I don't have a family. Over the past years, spending Xmas with friends always made me feel like the sad pathetic weirdo of the party. As I always was the only one to have zero family contact.

Besides, this year I don't really have friends I could spend Xmas with. I lost my old and really close friends as I faced my traumas. My current friends and acquaintances all spend Xmas with their extended family. I don't feel close enough to them to be willing to show up in the middle of their family gathering. I would feel totally out of place, which would depress me.

Again, Christmas emphasizes my loneliness. It's hard.

How about you? How do you deal with the loneliness?

 

[arfie]

I step up my activity in my therapy program. I have tried volunteer work, but ... ho, ow, ho, ow. I do have a church community to hang out with, but... ho, ow, ho, ow. Contemporary christmas isn't even religious at church. Stepping up activity within my therapy program offers company of folks who have clues what it means to me and puts the focus on honest coping and sometimes even healing.

Gentle support while you sort what works for you, Nyssa. It is a tough month for an awful lot of us.

 

[sun seeker]

It can be really hard and I can relate to all that you are saying. Last year I had Christmas dinner at the nearby nursing home. I'll probably do the same this year. But the rest of the season does get very depressing as it reminds me of not having family to spend it with, and sometimes it is too much work to try to be cheerful enough to be around friends. In this way being around old people works for me. They've slowed down enough themselves, they actually appreciate people who don't expect to be cheerful and upbeat all the time.

Sounds like I haven't figured out the perfect answer any more than you have, sorry!

 

[Justmehere]

I really struggle with the holidays. I volunteer a lot - mostly for kids in foster care, who have no families too. It helps me get through. I have also created a few traditions of my own. I always go to a candlelight Christmas eve service, and I try to find a place to go ice skating every year. Silly, but it helps.

 

[Holidays ugh]

Holidays are tough, I call them hellidaze. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving at all. I go to my son's for Xmas but we have very unconventional traditions. I am for reasons pertaining to longterm abuse and ptsd, unable to deal with actual Xmas memories and stuff. So far, a whole new plan has worked for me. I don't enjoy the stress, anxiety or memories of this time of year so I give myself permission not to give a care about any of it. I am fine seeing a movie on Thanksgiving, or, treating it like any other day. Xmas matters to my son so I make an effort to see him. But I try not to have any expectations.

 

[desiderata310]

A few years back I started the tradition of the Christmas Day ride. Get up early, eat a hearty breakfast and ride all day and find that one place that is open and tip generously.

I work in the entertainment industry so I hear tons of Christmas music. When I am Not at work and forced to listens to it, I have my headphones in listening to the most UNchristmas music I can find.

I ignore the holidays essentially. I quit putting up a tree years ago.

 

[Powder]

My focus has been to work hard to make holidays as enjoyable and memorable as possible for my two children. When I didn't have children, I tried to make the holiday a special time for my niece and siblings. My personality is mostly nurturing, so I tend to not worry about myself and focus on others. I think this has actually helped me get through my PTSD issues over time. I can't change the fact I have no family of origin to relate with who are healthy for me, but I can be a blessing to anyone I come in contact with by choice.

You're free to make whatever you want out of the season and to turn what could be a time of feeling left out to a time of being in the center of something good. I can't wait to hear what you come up with! Great things have small beginnings.

Your question is a good one.

Cheers, Muse

 

[Karen12]

I always have a real tree and put up decorations and lights. I love Christmas music and try to fill the house with it all December. I also love the old holiday specials I watched as a kid (Charlie Brown, Frosty the Snowman [1969], Rudolph) so I make sure to record and watch those.

Sometimes my roommate and I have a small Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve depending on his schedule (he is with his family on Christmas day). I go to church. That's pretty much it. I don't do cards, presents, or parties. I try to focus on the spiritual aspects instead of the social and commercial ones.

 

[joeylittle]

I haven't found something that feels like a real "tradition" for myself yet; I think that is the way to deal with it, create your own traditional things for that day/season. Doing the "normal" things is too upsetting for me - I can't handle being alone with them. Last year I did try and actually cook myself a nice meal, which for me is something that rarely happens. I was sad, but also felt like maybe something was working.

 

[Springbok]

I spent the holidays alone a few years ago, but I was in school and found a friend. We watched Netflix all day. I say make it a day for you. Do whatever you want. I hope this helps.

I did feel sad when I was not with my family on Xmas, not because I missed them, but because I am afraid of them and always worried about making them angry. Also I felt societal pressure to be with them, which is bullshit.

My advice: stay away with Facebook during this time. I would probably feel overwhelmed by the unrealistically joyful images flooding my newsfeed.

 

[desiderata310]

Generally staying away from Facebook is a good idea

 

[Nyssa]

Thank you all for your answers.

Yeah, Xmas is tough for quite a few people. I don't have much more to say...