Forgiveness Letters

[Freida]

Have you ever written one to your abuser(s)?

Not a chance in hell.

I don’t deserve forgiveness for my part. I should have been smarter, stronger, less naive, wiser, able to know that what was happening was wrong rather then going along with whatever some old guy wanted. I should have fought. Because of that I don’t deserve any kind of mercy or forgiveness.

This. You need to figure out that you don't have to forgive yourself before you worry about forgiving him. You did nothing wrong. NOTHING.

 

[Mach123]

IDK why I think this is crazy because I don't think my parts are crazy or some of the other
"recovery stuff" we do.

If something works for you I'm all for it I really don't care what it is. Maybe it has to do with writing things down which I know I have a problem with.

It could have to do with all that 12 step stuff about writing things down which I never bought into.

I'm all set though for me? It's not a thing I'd consider, and I don't have any problem telling my therapist when I feel like that.

 

[Friday]

I don’t deserve forgiveness for my part. I should have been smarter, stronger, less naive, wiser, able to know that what was happening was wrong rather then going along with whatever some old guy wanted. I should have fought. Because of that I don’t deserve any kind of mercy or forgiveness.

Or you can flip that around.

Instead of I should have been then, what I am now... and being angry at yourself for not knowing then what you know now?

I have learned I need to be smart, and strong.
I have learned to use my experience to guide my judgment and my actions.
I have learned to pay attention, be curious / question what is happening, and unafraid to stand against what I believe is wrong if that’s what I find.
I have learned to fight.
I have learned to love.
Because of this? I have earned both mercy and forgiveness.

Hint : Don’t expect mercy or forgiveness from assholes. If you’re dealing with an asshole? Expect assholery. You’re not looking for someone else’s mercy or forgiveness. You’re looking for your own. ...So... Have you also learned to be the kind of person who would grant someone like ^^that^^ (The above) your protection? Would you give someone who has been through hell a strong arm, and kind word, and safe harbor? Or would you kick them in the teeth because how dare they have been through hell and come out the other side? How dare they have had to learn hard lessons?

So you’ve already learned the above lessons... next lesson is WHO do you want to be?

I have learned to be an asshole? Expect my cruelty.
I have learned to be a guardian? Expect my protection.

ETA... Also feel free to switch the tenses around to I am learning if you feel something is still in progress. It doesn’t change the power of those lessons one bit. Someone who is learning to be smart and strong, to be curious, to use their best judgement, to fight, to love, etc. is just as worthy of your protection, no?

 

[Missycat]

I can understand how you feel and i feel your pain. I still feel ashamed , guilty , dirty etc and have a lot of anger that has built up again recently. I have been working with my t on focusing where the anger should be aimed - my abuser, the people that let me down ..... i wrote a pretend letter to my abuser and then to those that let me down (pretend as in i didnt send them but i emailed them to my t) . I didnt think about what i was writing i just let out all my feelings , my anger .. everything - my fingers were sore with tapping the keys so hard, my jaw ached as i was clenching it so tight..i was exhausted afterwards but i did feel some release and reprieve. I didnt read the letters i just sent them to my t and we have since read them together . I didnt realise how much anger i had inside me and it was extremely hard listening to the words (my t read them out) but it did help me let go of a lot of the pent up anger that was making me poorly. Im still working on this but i do believe it helped me move forward.
I wish you all the best.

 

[RVA21]

No, I could not do it, I tried, I tried very hard to forgive my abusers. It did not work, and never will. Letting go, for me, is letting all the emotions out, in whatever way possible. It may go on my whole life, I don't know. It feels like the best way for me to let go. I would only try to do things that help me, not anything that feels I'm giving my power/energy away.