Forgiving Myself

[Laverna]

I haven't felt like this in a really long time, but... let me explain a bit of background.

So my sibling has been struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder and other misc stuff for years, and unfortunately, at one point I was abusive to them. They've forgiven me a long time ago, but for a long time I couldn't forgive myself at all. In my eyes, I was just as bad as my own abusers, and my hands were forever stained with what I've done.

Finally, they were able to get help though, finally taken seriously. They do therapy 6 hours each day, and I think it's been about a week or so, but...

I feel so relieved. Relieved is an understatement even. I'm seeing them change just ever so slightly, even if it's small. I feel like I can rest just a little bit easier, knowing they are in good hands.

And maybe I can start to forgive myself a bit. I don't know how long this sort of... weird acceptance will last, but even a tiny bit is fine. It's the sort of feeling like you've only had one option for so long, that having another is almost... overwhelming.

I'm happy and too many other emotions to name.

I feel like I can finally start to let go.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Hey, laverna, good to see you! And very good to read such positivity in this thread.

One thing I would ask you to consider. You were a victim. You were taught certain behaviors that hurt the people around you (your siblings). Instead of forgiving yourself, why not show yourself the same compassion that you're feeling for your siblings, because you were ALL victims! *hug*

 

[Iamsensative]

I agree with Mal Content. Self Compassion the gift that you give to yourself and you deserve it. Peace and love

 

[EveHarrington]

Positive steps forward! :) :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am wondering if you have been feeling the effects of survivers false gullt? If not Please toss what I just said.

Sometimes life asks us to make almost impossible choices and answer we must. But I was being so torn up inside over the false guilt that it actually crippled me for many years.

I am hoping that you will be able to learn the truth about who you really are and that you are not a bad person at all.