Forgiving myself

[Virtues]

I had a breakthrough in therapy today... I harbored a lot of guilt and shame for traumatic events in my life. I did so because I somehow felt that by punishing myself I was honoring those who were lost. I did so because doing so was the last thing that made me feel human. I did so because hurt was a burden I carried in honor. Today I realized the dishonor I was bringing upon my family by not being present with them (btw I told my wife this before I posted here, another step in the right direction for me). I didn't realize the pain and suffering I was causing them as every emotion I felt was being funneled out as anger. Today I decided to forgive myself. I decided to forgive myself in honor of the living, in honor of those who still depend on me, those who still need me. This may not "cure" me. I may still be symptomatic, but this is a giant step in the right direction for me. I don't want to focus on all the negative, and areas I still need to work in. I'm not discounting them or pretending they aren't there. I just want to take a brief moment to celebrate a victory, as this is a huge AH-HA moment for me.

 

[ILoveLife]

This is amazing :) A real accomplishment, congratulations!

 

[Ronin]

IMHO not dishonoring either.

You were there with the lost ones, before, during, and after they were lost,
And you are moving to be more present with those (all the prayers) not lost, still here.

Both honorable. Cheers on that break through, Florian. :)

 

[somerandomguy]

Dude, this is HUGE!!!! Congratulations to you!!!!

 

[ladee]

Congratulations @Florian7051 !!! this is a huge ah ha moment. Celebrating with you and your family, such a loving new beginning. What a huge relief you must feel, and hope your wife is very happy and supportive of this discovery. Thanks for sharing the 'good times' with us. Lots of hope in your words. :hug::hug:

And please tell your wife how proud we are of her standing with you thru the bad times to be able to celebrate the good times with you. She plays a part in your recovery also, and let her know I have sent her lots of support thru the time you've been here, thru thinking of her and sending her energy to hold on .... can you give her a hug for us ??? And please let her hug YOU for us... double blessings on you and your family.:hug:

 

[Mytime]

@Florian7051 I’m so happy for you. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
You and your wife are a strong team.

 

[littleoc]

Wow, that's powerful.

Amazing work!

You deserve to be a happy human

 

[Gs172003]

That is so wonderful @Florian7051