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- #37
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General Found The Man Who Molested My Daughter.
- Post starter Jim
- Start date
- Status
Jim... I am glad that your daughter (I am not using names because I haven't read every post here and am unsure if your daughter would not like to be named here) is happy to go ahead with the prosecution.
I am glad that she is okay with this because what she, and you are all doing is comendable. You may or may not be surprised to know, but too often things like this go unreported. Aside from the justice that all affected deserve...which is paramount in my eyes - this man is also a huge danger to children. And there are many children that hopefully will be saved as a result of this.
I recently went through the difficult decision of whether or not I wanted to prosecute. I contacted the police, and gave his full name so the matter is somewhat in the police's hands. However... when I decided to prosecute my PTSD got much worse, and I had to say no in the end. I regret that, but it was affecting me so much... I hope one day I will be okay enough to be able to cope with it. But at this time in my life, I felt I had no choice but to put myself first as I was reacting badly to it all. I'm taking comfort in the knowledge that the police have his name for now.
What made me decide to do something was the thought that this man is getting older now, and one day, I might want justice and it will be too late because he'll be dead. The catalyst for contacting the police was hearing that he now has grandchildren.
One thing I can say for certain in my personal experience and opinion is that if I knew for sure that there were others he got at who were willing to prosecute... I would definitely help with a prosecution. Somehow it makes it easier to do. What you have done by contacting parents is allow others who have been got at by this man to be given this opportunity knowing that they are not alone.
I wanted to point this out because I believe it's a huge thing. If you had decided not to go ahead, you would have still done something great as I have no doubt your contact and breaking the 'secret' he holds by exposing him to other parents and 'victims' (hate that word) would have stimulated many people to come forward regardless. It's really powerful what you have done. Although I am not one of this man's 'victims', I am to another abuser and for some reason I want to personally thank you for doing this even though I'm in no way entitled to! I guess because if somebody did the same for me, it would change my life and give me the bravery to go forward.
I am pleased you, your family, and most importantly, your daughter are continuing with this because this man needs to be brought to justice for what he did to your daughter, and all the others.
I am glad that she is okay with this because what she, and you are all doing is comendable. You may or may not be surprised to know, but too often things like this go unreported. Aside from the justice that all affected deserve...which is paramount in my eyes - this man is also a huge danger to children. And there are many children that hopefully will be saved as a result of this.
I recently went through the difficult decision of whether or not I wanted to prosecute. I contacted the police, and gave his full name so the matter is somewhat in the police's hands. However... when I decided to prosecute my PTSD got much worse, and I had to say no in the end. I regret that, but it was affecting me so much... I hope one day I will be okay enough to be able to cope with it. But at this time in my life, I felt I had no choice but to put myself first as I was reacting badly to it all. I'm taking comfort in the knowledge that the police have his name for now.
What made me decide to do something was the thought that this man is getting older now, and one day, I might want justice and it will be too late because he'll be dead. The catalyst for contacting the police was hearing that he now has grandchildren.
One thing I can say for certain in my personal experience and opinion is that if I knew for sure that there were others he got at who were willing to prosecute... I would definitely help with a prosecution. Somehow it makes it easier to do. What you have done by contacting parents is allow others who have been got at by this man to be given this opportunity knowing that they are not alone.
I wanted to point this out because I believe it's a huge thing. If you had decided not to go ahead, you would have still done something great as I have no doubt your contact and breaking the 'secret' he holds by exposing him to other parents and 'victims' (hate that word) would have stimulated many people to come forward regardless. It's really powerful what you have done. Although I am not one of this man's 'victims', I am to another abuser and for some reason I want to personally thank you for doing this even though I'm in no way entitled to! I guess because if somebody did the same for me, it would change my life and give me the bravery to go forward.
I am pleased you, your family, and most importantly, your daughter are continuing with this because this man needs to be brought to justice for what he did to your daughter, and all the others.
- Post starter
- #40
- Post starter
- #41
Yep no worries Lisa. If ever we have something as personal as this to share, we ask Evie's permission firstly. Fact is, too many know her and us and could put 2 and 2 together. So. She is always aware these threads exist.
Extremely well done for trying on your own. Quite extraordinary. Very brave I must say. Unfortunate your PTSD became worse. Though to be expected. Evie is having difficulties at the moment herself, and matters have barely started.
Lisa said:
Fine points to make, thank you. Yes that was our thought as well, safety in numbers so to speak. Good to know such action would have helped you as well.
Lisa said:
Glad to know you hate the word. As do I. Guilty of using it once in here. However. I won't again. Wouldn't like being called that myself.
Much appreciated for sharing Lisa.
Jim.
- Post starter
- #42
- Admin
- #43
anthony
Founder
Nicolette asked me about your post, and I actually said to her that I doubt Jim would much such a mistake, without looking at it any further.... good to know I still have it!
Love you sweetheart..... sarcasm will get me in the shit no doubt.... I have to jump on this, because I am often more wrong than right when it comes to debate with the missus....
Love you sweetheart..... sarcasm will get me in the shit no doubt.... I have to jump on this, because I am often more wrong than right when it comes to debate with the missus....
- Post starter
- #44
Hi Jim,
At first I thought I would stay away from this thread, as it is a bit triggering for me. But, I decided that I would like to add my two cents.
I reported the rapes (about) two or three years after they happened. (Since I was a minor when they occured, I have until I'm 35 to press charges...perhaps longer as the laws keep changing.) Anyway, I thought I was in a "good place" at that time. I was dealing with my issues, and I was even working as a rape crisis counselor at the same organization that had helped me not long before.
I worked with an attorney that was provided to by by the RCC, and we set up a date to file the report. I was told that I would be able to have whomever I wanted there for support, so I chose my good friend/fellow counselor as well as an RCC legal advocate. I was nervous, but at the same time I felt empowered and in control.
When I got to the police station, however, the detective took me to an interrigation room (just like the ones you see on Law and Order--you know, with the mirrored glass and everything), and my friend and the advocate were told that they could not stay in with me. I was so scared, and started to hyperventilate as the detective asked the most demeaning, victim-blaming questions while another (random) person took notes. When I finally left the police station (hours later), I felt like I had been run over by a truck.
That being said, I realize that this is not everyone's experience, and there was actually some good that came out of reporting--(it helped that I did so as I was stalked by my rapist for years after). But, I just want to confirm what some have said on this poast: Once you report/make a statement, things are out of your control. Even if one prosecutor says one thing, this doesn't mean that another prosecutor won't take the case and then do another.
At first I thought I would stay away from this thread, as it is a bit triggering for me. But, I decided that I would like to add my two cents.
I reported the rapes (about) two or three years after they happened. (Since I was a minor when they occured, I have until I'm 35 to press charges...perhaps longer as the laws keep changing.) Anyway, I thought I was in a "good place" at that time. I was dealing with my issues, and I was even working as a rape crisis counselor at the same organization that had helped me not long before.
I worked with an attorney that was provided to by by the RCC, and we set up a date to file the report. I was told that I would be able to have whomever I wanted there for support, so I chose my good friend/fellow counselor as well as an RCC legal advocate. I was nervous, but at the same time I felt empowered and in control.
When I got to the police station, however, the detective took me to an interrigation room (just like the ones you see on Law and Order--you know, with the mirrored glass and everything), and my friend and the advocate were told that they could not stay in with me. I was so scared, and started to hyperventilate as the detective asked the most demeaning, victim-blaming questions while another (random) person took notes. When I finally left the police station (hours later), I felt like I had been run over by a truck.
That being said, I realize that this is not everyone's experience, and there was actually some good that came out of reporting--(it helped that I did so as I was stalked by my rapist for years after). But, I just want to confirm what some have said on this poast: Once you report/make a statement, things are out of your control. Even if one prosecutor says one thing, this doesn't mean that another prosecutor won't take the case and then do another.
Sorry, but I wanted to add something else.
I totally understand your frustration and anger; I would feel the same way if it were my child who had gone through this. BUT, acting out in violence or even saying that you would LIKE to act out in violence and hurt this perpetrator--(as sick and evil as he may be)--doesn't help the situation. When my brother found out about the rape, the first thing he did was buy a gun. I know he was angry, and I know he wanted to protect me. But instead of me focusing on how to get myself better, I had to worry about what my brother may do. I know that he was doing this because he felt helpless to do anything else, but it really just added to my anxiety.
I wish you and your family the best. I know this isn't easy; hang in there.
Nic
I totally understand your frustration and anger; I would feel the same way if it were my child who had gone through this. BUT, acting out in violence or even saying that you would LIKE to act out in violence and hurt this perpetrator--(as sick and evil as he may be)--doesn't help the situation. When my brother found out about the rape, the first thing he did was buy a gun. I know he was angry, and I know he wanted to protect me. But instead of me focusing on how to get myself better, I had to worry about what my brother may do. I know that he was doing this because he felt helpless to do anything else, but it really just added to my anxiety.
I wish you and your family the best. I know this isn't easy; hang in there.
Nic
- Moderator
- #47
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
You too xoxox
You bet it will :wink:
Ain't that the truth :wink:. You do realise there will be severe consequences for you after this!!! I would have taken Jim's approach and shut my mouth! :poke:
- Post starter
- #48
Well Nic. Firstly, you are not a parent, correct? Right or wrong, there is a feeling for a child who has been harmed, difficult to describe to one who has no children. Very special feeling between a father and daughter especially. That is what I was expressing here.
Jim.
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